Advice needed about my ex and current partner having access to my 11month old son

[Mummymonkey19]

My ex left me 3 months ago and went straight to his current partners home, she has been harassing me on and off for the last 4 years. He denied it and said she was a manipulative lier :/ he now wants my son to be allowed to have contact with his current partner who less than a week after my ex left me had bought a bed for my son at her home. She has told me she hates me as my ex wouldnt leave years ago and that I'm close to losing my son as I had bad post natal depression and was sectioned, this isnt true as I went into a MBU over xmas voluntarily. Told my ex he can see his son but she does not need access to our son, as their relationship isnt stable and hes attempted suicide due to her in the past and recently in may when I caught him messaging her. They say I'm weaponising my son I'm trying to protect him. I dont want them messing with his head like they have mine over the years.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mummymonkey19

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I see from your post that you are very concerned about the situation regarding your son’s father and your separation recent separation. It seems there have been issues between you and your partner and the person he is now living with although in the past he to made comments about her to you.

You say that his new partner has been harassing you for 4 years. Did you ever report this harassment to the police? Harassment is, as you may be aware, a criminal offence. It seems from what you say that because of how she as treated you in the past that you are now concerned about her having contact with your son.

Your son’s father now lives in the same place with his new partner. I suggest that you have a conversation with the father about him staying overnight at this stage but it is something you may have to consider in the future if they remain in a relationship. Explain that the reason for this is because he is still young and it would not be good for him to have different carers if there is no stability; you are not using son as a weapon as his contact is not an issue for you since he is his father.

I do not think the fact that you experienced post natal depression would be a reason in itself for you to lose your son. It appears that you received appropriate mental health support and your mental health is now managed and stable. Were you in a mother and baby unit when you had your initial episode of post natal depression or did you need to seek further mental health support.

If you are not able to discuss the issue with your son’s father then, if you wish, you could ask your local children’s services (new name for social services) for help. It may be that if there are no safeguarding concerns for your son that they will not intervene as it is a private issue. It is important that you know that if your son’s father believe you are being unreasonable in refusing him overnight contact, he could make an application to the court to have overnight contact with his son. By the way, has children’s services had any involvement with you and your son in the past?

It is not clear what you mean about ‘them messing with his head as they have mine’. Do you have any evidence of this? I think it is important that you discuss these feeling with your GP or mental health support. Your son’s father lives with this person and it is his decision. What she may or may not have done to him in the past is not really for you to worry about since he has, as an adult, made a choice who he lives with. Does she have children or her own, has there been any concern about her care of a child. I can understand your feelings at the recent separation from your son's father.

Sometimes, if one parent does not want the other to have contact or find reasons why it cannot happen this can be seen by the court as preventing a proper relationship with the other parent. Whilst it is clear from your post that there are long standing issues with your partner and the person he is with now and you. If the court becomes involved, the issues between adults will not be the main consideration for the court, your son’s welfare will be the most important.

If the court is involved, then it will be necessary for your local hildren’s services or Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) to investigate the whole situation and report to the court about what they recommend in respect of contact between your son and his father.

Should you wish to have advice about private law contact you can contact Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480. You may also wish to speak with MIND 0300 123 3393 in respect of your mental health issues.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Mummymonkey19]

I have remained open to my ex having contact, I made arrangements and asked him not to involve his new partner as contact with her atm isnt in my sons best interests, he went against my wishes and have screen shots of this. Also it's where he feels comfortable and where he can enjoy time with our son, not what's best for our son.
He doesnt put our son as his priority, his priority is the new partner as she needs constant reassurance and contact even when hes meant to be seeing his son due to them cheating to be together :/ him forcing the issue of her having contact made me tell him to take me to court.
I have said when their relationship is stable, she may have limited contact with my son but that she would only ever be his dads new girlfriend - she is neither my sons aunt or mother.
She has 2 children of her own and tells me I have no grounds to deny my ex access at her home as she has been cafcass checked.
My son only needs contact with me as his mother and my ex as his father, I dont think introducing a new partner straight away is fair especially the way hes gone about doing it
I have messages of her harassment, but my ex delete older ones.
She filled my exs application to the courts, saying I'm denying him access as I dont like her and it has her number on it as a point of contact. And that shes had contact with my son since he was a baby which is to my knowledge is incorrect and if she has it's been without me being aware and without my consent if this is true it makes me trust my ex even less.
He has depression which he hasn't got help for and attempted suicide in may this year.
They want my son for overnight stays and to take him on holiday as a couple, bearing in mind he's telling me shes a manipulative lier and that I'm paranoid and it's all in my head for the last 4 years Making promises of us doing things as a couple, keeping baby things in case we had another child, all whilst he apparently applied for mediation and spent 3 weeks lying to my face.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mummymonkey19,

Thank you for your response.

I can see that your exe’s new partner has filed an application for a child arrangements order, on behalf of your exe. So I think it might help if you looked for advice about private law proceedings.

Usually, there is mediation first to see if you and dad can agree any contact between your son and dad and if so, how often, when and where it will happen as well as who else do you agree to see your son. Here is information about mediation(MIAMs).

If Mediation does not work or cannot take place (for example due to domestic violence) then the court will deal with the application.

For advice about private law applications you could contact the child law advice line .

CAFCASS should do safeguarding checks so you should mention any concerns you have to them.

Best wishes,
Suzie