Fighting for my son in court againt social services

[DaddyIsTrying]

My son was placed in temporary fostercare due to my ex partner taking drugs and drinking heavily during pregnancy. I split up with her when i found this out from a drugs test we were asked to do. I have done everything the social services have asked of me from day 1, i did lie to them about smoking cannabis and was only honest to the court about this on the first hearing of care proceedings, i only used this for sleeping purposes but i have stopped smoking cannabis now to rule out that concern they had I have recently been arrested and charged with a drink driving offence but no children or others were involved in the accident. I have stopped drinking alcohol because of this to rule out concerns. But because of this They are saying i am unable to care for my son and keep him safe and meet his needs. But i have a 3 year old daughter with shared custody 3 days per week and have raised her from day 1 with no concerns ever raised. her own mother aswel as everyone that knows me knows how much my babygirl loves me and how much i love and adore her, so i dont understand how they can say that I'm unable to care for my son and why they are still pushing for adoption when they know all this information about my daughter. I have contact with my son once a week for an hour and I'm great with him, i play with him change him feed him settle him we are gaining a great bond together which family time workers have already stated that i do well with him. I'm self referring myself to parenting courses I'm doing everything they ask of me I'm doing everything i can to bring my beautiful baby boy home with daddy where he belongs but i just feel like I'm losing and i really cant live without him in my life my children are my life. I just dont know this social worker is pushing so hard for adoption when social services are supposed to help families ect. I believe the social worker had it in for my ex partner and turned on me when she started to do well. She made a referral for my daughter and the case was closed straight away. She made another referral and that case was closed straight away but yet again she made another referral, she has lied in her reports about me stating i have said things to her that i have never said, stating i had not been to hospital for 2 weeks to see my son when he was born but the SCBU ward manager can confirm that this was untrue and that i was there every night to see my son. And other things so it does feel personal to me but how can i win this and bring daddy's little soldier home where he should be. What can i do? I cant just sit around and let this happen what else can i do? Please help any advice please?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear DaddyisTrying

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. I am sorry that we have not been able to respond to your query sooner. I am also sorry to hear of the difficulties that you and your family are experiencing and the distress that this is causing you.

From what you say, you are involved in care proceedings in relation to your baby son. You have another child, a daughter, whom you share care for with her mother. You haven’t had any significant children’s services’ involvement with your daughter although I am unclear if there is an assessment being undertaken currently as you mention that your son’s social worker has made another referral. It would be expected that children’s services would want to make sure your daughter is safely cared for too.

Your main concern is the court case about your son; you are understandably worried as adoption has been put forward as a possible plan for him.

As the child’s father, you should be a party to the proceedings and have a solicitor to represent you. Your solicitor will always be best placed to advise you as they have access to all the court documents and take part in the hearings. So do liaise very closely with them and make sure they advise you about the process and what you can and cannot do. You should also discuss with them any concerns you have about information being misrepresented in the social worker’s statements and how/if to challenge this.

You don’t mention how long the care proceedings have been going on for, when the final hearing is or what specific assessments have been undertaken so I can only give some general advice and would strongly recommend that you go back to your solicitor urgently to discuss what is happening in your son’s case at the moment.

You say that children’s services have told you that you cannot care for your son. Have you had a parenting assessment which came to this conclusion and if so have you discussed with your solicitor how to respond/address or challenge the findings?

You describe how important both children are to you. From what you have said, you are devoted to your son, having been part of his life since he was born. Again the issue about whether or not you visited him when he was in the special care baby unit can be clarified with the help of your solicitor as you state that the ward manager can confirm this.

You are now clearly trying to address the various areas of concern including drug and alcohol use. However, you mention that you have been recently charged with a drink driving offence which is serious and suggests that you are in the early stages of stopping drinking. Are you getting professional help from drug/alcohol agencies or having drug/alcohol testing? Again the court would want to know more about this. It doesn’t sound as if your son’s case is being dealt with by a Family Drug and Alcohol Court which can be very effective where parents’ substance misuse is an issue.

It is really positive that you are self-referring for parenting classes to boost your skills. It is also great to hear that the time you spend with your baby son is so positive, you are forming a close bond with him and it seems that the contact supervisors can confirm this. You state that you did initially lie about using cannabis but told the truth at the first court hearing which is to your credit.

You don’t mention if any family members have been assessed as potential carers for your son if the court decides that you or your son’s mother cannot care for him. Do not delay putting forward the names of potential family/friends carers for assessment. This can allow a child to remain in their family network rather than being adopted, which is the last resort but can happen if no-one in the child's network can safely care for him. If a family group conference has not already been offered you can ask for this.

The following advice sheets provide a lot of information that should be useful to you:

Duties on children’s services when a child is in the care system, Care (and related) proceedings and adoption: what does it mean for birth parents? .

It is a good idea to keep up the progress you are making, attend all your appointments and any meetings about your son e.g. his Looked After Child Review meetings and continue to spend positive time with him in your contact sessions.

The court will decide whether to make an order, what is in your son’s best interests and what order is needed to protect him, having considered all realistic options.

It is always good to make sure that you have some emotional support for yourself when going through court proceedings; this could be from family or friends, from your GP, an organisation like Family Lives who help with parenting or family problems or the Samaritans are always available to talk to if you are having a difficult time.

I hope this helps.

You are welcome to post back if you have a new query or to update on the current situation or if you prefer you can call our Freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am – 3.00pm if you would like to speak to an adviser.

With best wishes

Suzie