Immigration & childcare advise

[LYD22]

Hi,
I'm new here. I'm desperately looking for advise for my immigration advise and child care.
I'm married for 15 years, have daughter turning aged 15 years and son aged 11 this month. My relationship with my husband is totally seperated more then 10 yrs, he always keeps distance with me giving reasons. I thought initially he had affair, but for kids tried to hold on. He came to UK 2010 with money pledging my jewelry, after then changed more, he hardly calls me, I have to insist to communicate with kids, he send meagre money to survive, I was staying with my mom and dad.
I once fell in depression 2012 bcuz he used words which tored me. I pulled up again tried to work managed to pay debts as I pledged/sold jewels to take care my kids.
I finally asked him divorce in 2015 but he resisted saying he does not have affair & promised everything will be OK. I thought better search job abroad and take care of kids as I was done with Asian culture dramas.
But he found out from my daughter (he calls monthly once to collect info on me) that I'm searching job abroad. He threatened me to stop going abroad or he will take custody of my kids if not both atleast one of them. I got scared & dropped search. He then convinced and brought us here in 2016, he then confessed over drinks within weeks that he cheated on me sleeping with servant maid(woman) back home and had relation in UK with a guy and my partner revealed he was GAY.. I got shocked and frightened then once in a GP visit I blasted in tears as I did not have anyone here to share my emotions.
My partner always threatens stating he will send us back, if I raise voice. Last year when I left my kids for 1st time with him when I had to attend my critical ill mom, I was down myself when he created big issue and bcuz I was broke down I responded and he chased me out, I resisted so I stayed all day until kids came to know I was out bcuz he chased me and kids asked him for which he manipulated and blamed me as usual but kids are aware of his nature and they insisted their mom to be in, so finally he apologised and made me come in.
He once hurried kid downstairs and also try to hit my little one on the way to school and my son warned him if he hit him again he will inform police. My son was down, so teacher asked and he revealed and Ss was involved for which my partner threatened me as usual saying they will take ur kids and Foster or they will seperate ur kids and put then in different Foster care. I really got panicked I explained everything with my kids that dad's saying this so we cannot reveal about dads nature to protect us for now. But I promise if their dad tries to hit or hurt them both then I'll not keep quiet. I'll call for help.
As my mom was down with cancer and I had booked tickets by taking loan from bank cuz, I was jobless. I travelled in fear bk home. Kids spoke everyday on video chat and updated everything but my son tried to hurt himself in a craft class when his friends try to bully him. That was taken to Cams and I wasn't updated anything at all. My moms cond was deteroiting and I called up my kids to home country and my mom's last wish of seeing her 2 grandchildren got fulfilled and she passed in peace in her sleep, spending time for 2 days.
I came bk with kids to attend CAMs meeting when we 3(myself & kids were still mourning) I explained to them stating my son was upset with dad may be bcuz he was born and raised with me and my parents, attached to me and his grand mom so he must have got disturbed when I had to leave them with their dad who is new to them.. And my kids were disturbed when they heard about my moms condition etc.. They then discharged case considering its normal for kid to behave in a very disturbed state of mind. As he was normal otherwise especially with his own sister and his friends.
Slowly SS said after spending a month everyday, nothing seems worried in ur place so he closed case.
Since last year I thought its better I stop communicating much to my partner as he warned and sent me back home that I should go seperate and shouldn't step his house either with kids or not. Since the moment I came back all this cams, sw etc so he spared me. But now again every day he is picking fight. This Feb, he went to Thailand to visit his new Boy friend and got his ankle fractured I took care of 14 days under quauaratine. But everyday before kids he acts very nice beside kids, his friends etc he has different face, very manipulative in talk and tricky.
Because I coudnt talk or respond I was having lot in head I fell sick and fainted when I was cooking for my take away kitchen from home with which I pay my bills, my partner pays rent,takes care of kids dinner moneyetc with child benefit fund, electricity, gas & council bill buys grocery but never gives me money or have any access to his financial or anything at all. If I ask him he threatens saying I'm not his wife and I cannot raise questions or leave the house.
My friend who is dependent on his sister seeking his friend, helps me financially like paying bills, buying shoes or top up oyster card etc. With help from my friends friend I started kitchen and from which I'm earning meagre amount, now my landlord opposed it but since I have license and rating I'm runing bcuz I'm not getting any job bcuz now I stsy some what outskirt of London. He only forced us to move saying he can pick and drop kids and I can look for job etc. I was working earlier I stopped working bcuz of diff probs he created and lots stress at work as well.
He always humiliates me by calling my friend and asks money for my expenses like gas bill etc my partner also told my friend he can take me with him and he can write a letter to keep me with him, am I his property to sell?
Now 2 weeks back after fainting I went to ER and got to know my BP was very high 168/120 and 178/122, they took blood test and left me as it reduced 160/115 but again my headache was horrible and When called GP asked me to go to ER to take more test, in one week with horrible headache, palpitation, chest pain, dizziness, vomiting sensation etc I was going to send fro ER to GP to home. After doing CT brain etc GP concluded I was stressed and that once triggered my BP in btw to 197/138 inspite whole day in ER they send me back saying my BP is down to 168/120 and pulse 115. But my partner did not believe and thought I'm faking and scolded my kid who tried to make tea for me as my head ache was horrible saying that she is not doing domestic work for a week and she has to leave the house. I wasn't eating for a week fearing he will scold me to eat without doing domestic work.
Again there was fight with my little one and heard screaming sound I paniked from sleep as I was so sick with headache etc I went down and asked and my daughter explained and my partner showed me picture I have evidence that your son tried to kill me which I know he is faking. But I know something was wrong so I called up GP and asked for child therapy as this guy threatened me saying ur son will kill either me or someone in road and he is going to inform everyone about it.
I then have to open up to GP everything and she counselled my kids last week and referred me to certain woman's aid places.
My question here is my kids are happy with school and friends here and does not want to go back to home country. They are scared of their dad if they open up will their visa get cancelled, will he threaten and take child custody. I promised that I'll fight for them, in my situation my kids still respect their dad and doesn't want him to seen arrested but likes to live with me, they are OK to visit him occasionally in worst case.
Our ILR is due Nov 2021,im on spouse visa, kids dependent visa, we completed 4 years and 3 month stay here. Partner got his British passport after we came here in 2016.

In this case I have 3 questions pls answer, f I apply through DDV option will my spouse visa get cancelled immediately?
If I go on ILR after DDV what is the chance of getting the same or will it get rejected and we all will be send back?
Will I get child custody as they are the only reason I'm living? He always threatens since he is British he has all rights and I'll be chased out of this country?
Or if not one child with him other with me, I don't want my kids to get seperated or left with him, pls someone advise, if child custody is given to him he will bring his mom to take care as he cannot do any work at home for more then a week then he will fake of arm pain or leg pain.

I'm frightened as his mom and sister back home who is dangerous to kids as they tried to poison my daughter many times and I had to fight from visiting them. Also kids are happy with friends and school here as I really want them to be happy with the place they are used to in worst case.

I'm really sorry to message long, as I have tried to brief my situation as I'm going through lot more.

Thanks & Regards
LYD

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear LYD22

Welcome to the parents discussion forum.

I am Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

From reading your post, it appears that you have had a very difficult family situation which has been ongoing for a long time.

The issues that you are seeking to have advice on do not fall within the remit of this service and I am therefore suggesting that you contact any of the following who will be more able to assist you with the immigration issues you set out in your post:

https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice ... sylum-law/
https://www.project17.org.uk/advice-support/
https://childlawadvice.org.uk/

I hope you will be able to receive the advice and support you need in your current circumstances.

Best wishes

Suzie