Custody dispute

[Lil123]

Custody dispute with my ex partner. Quite a complicated situation. My son is with him now and he wont let him come home. He is making all sorts of allegations and complaints about me smoking and drinking. I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD, as a result of years of domestic abuse. Court wants details on my alleged drinking - but its no more than average amount and I have been to therapy about it and they arent concerned. I am going through every agency and service in the book and when I talk about what is happen they raise safeguarding concerns about me being the victim. I have never been violent when drinking and i usually drink after my son is in bed. And its just a couple of drinks. Should I just offer to quit altogether, just to get them off my back? To be honest any mental health problem i have is a panic or anxiety attack about my other son being locked in his bedroom every night in his fathers home (different dad). I keep reporting it to services and they dont do anything about it. I am on some basic anti-depressants, but otherwise I am pretty much on top of stuff. I am quite stressed about an allegation by my disabled sons doctor of Munchausen by proxy. But they quietly dropped the allegation without taking any action (because it was completely false). I am also having to go through the stress of dealing with 2 abusive ex in a co - parenting capacity which is making my anxiety quite bad and also having to keep battling with social services to get help for my disabled son when his dad refuses to let me get help for hi m doesnt help my anxiety and panic attacks. But they are nowhere near as bad as they were, since i have been talking about the issues. i feel more grounded since getting rid of a number of negative influences in my life and i feel more able to keep fighting now. I am complying with all the court orders and more and i have got better coping mechanisms and grounding technics whenever i start to disasociate. There is still a lot to sort out in terms of practicalites re the break down of our relationship like finances etc. But i feel ready to confront them now and strong enough to stand up to him. Is there anything else I should be doing?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Lil123,

You say in your post that you are in a custody dispute with your son's father, who your son is currently living with. You say that the court has requested details of your drinking, which you do not feel is a problem. You experience panic attacks and are taking anti-depressants, but feel as though you are making positive progress, and would like to know if there is anything else you should be doing.

It appears from your post that your father's son has applied for a child arrangements order - is this correct? You mention that you are complying with all court orders, but do not state specifically what these are. Is there a social worker involved who is completing a S. 7 report? Do you any of your children have any children's services involvement at all? If so, it would be helpful to speak to the social worker about what you can do to address any current concerns of if you feel as though you need any additional support.

If your son's father has made an application to the court for a child arrangements order, any order made will prioritise your son's best interests and will consider the welfare checklist

If you would like to speak with any of our advisers, feel free to call our confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366 between 09:30am and 3pm Mon - Fri. Please note that we are now closed until 4th January 2021.

Best wishes,

Suzie