Okay cut a long story short, I got arressted and am now on bail for neglect, my son removed under police potection, my bail hearings on 13th feb and I've been told I should be getting nothing more than a caution, (fingers crossed never been in any trouble b4) I'm 22 my son 3 and I'm 31+4 pregnant, my bail cons r visits with son are to be supervised by my mum who he's staying with,
Reason I was arressted- I got seriously ill un treated kidney infection 4 weeks I had it hospital kept giving wrong med when I was admitted n then took ages changing them due to messing up my tests! So I could hardly stand, vomiting all time, in loads pain, so I neglected my housework for 2 weeks, but my son was fed, clean ect,
So now social are taking me to court to remove my kids b4 I come of my bail, the reason they gave, 1. Neglect charges, 2. My mental health, 3, I can't protect my kids from my ex (there dad) as suspected d.v which there wasn't any! Apart from once occasion 4 years ago! I had him arressted n had him charged,
I love my son so much I wouldn't harm him in any way shape or form on purpose I suffer low moods, and a eating disorder both of which I'm putting right, I've eaten 3 + meals a day for last 3 weeks, I'm trying to get counsiling and into a eating disorder thing, I'm doing a cooking course, and a parenting one, my house has never been so tidy, I'm even handig over my cats to rspca like social have asked n not been near my ex, only at meetings with social, I'm under hospital I've got 3 appointments this month alone, my infections cleared up, I'm not taking pills for my depression yet my moods r holding up fine,
I need help where do I stand I want my son home where he belongs n I don't want my baby removed at birth I gotta phone solictors today but I've seen people say they don't really fight cases hard enough for legal aid.. I've admitted my failings to social n trying hard alone to put them right, I'm a good person n mummy n love my children so much, why can't they. Bring them home and work with me rather than take them away
help needed asap
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blueplain
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:07 am
Re: help needed asap
I am very sorry your going through such a horrible experience and it must be very difficult for you, I do not know how to advice you since your experience is different to mine but I want you to know that I know how it feels being scared about loosing your children and you need to stay strong. A few things I think might help is as follows
Sign up to the 10 week parenting course, this will show that you care and are trying to make sure you have all the skills to help your children. We signed ourselves up to such a course and it worked wonders for our case, I also think you should put yourself through first aid and home safety course. This will lay the foundation social workers need to see and show you are willing.
Next go to the doctor to get him to detail and give you a set diet that you need to follow. When following said diet go to the doctors each week to be weighed to prove your weight gain.
Next ask for a FRS worker, these workers buy you all the bits you need to improve your situation. You can get your FRS worker to set goals with the maintenance of your house and get her to see the improvements you made to your house and then she can speak for you in your defence.
I am not sure how you can address the mental health situation except for to show the social workers all the things you have done and to state that your life has turned around and you are happy as you would not of been able to have done all that you have done otherwise. Get the FRS worker to back it up
I know your worried about your case and need to get legal representation but jump straight onto what I've listed and you will have a greater defense at court, you need to shoot down all the concerns as quick as you can and maintain the improvement.
If there are any partners or family members that the social services feel are a risk to your children do not let them anywhere near your children especially while the case is open. They have zero tolerance when it comes to this. Even if you feel they are innocent you need to prove it first before you can allow contact.
I really wish the best for you and I hope everything turns out well for you, you shall be in my thoughts. Keep your chin up and be pro active, think about all you can do and do not concentrate on the things that brought you to this situation.
Kind regards blue
When you have done all this you will have alot more strings to your bow.
Sign up to the 10 week parenting course, this will show that you care and are trying to make sure you have all the skills to help your children. We signed ourselves up to such a course and it worked wonders for our case, I also think you should put yourself through first aid and home safety course. This will lay the foundation social workers need to see and show you are willing.
Next go to the doctor to get him to detail and give you a set diet that you need to follow. When following said diet go to the doctors each week to be weighed to prove your weight gain.
Next ask for a FRS worker, these workers buy you all the bits you need to improve your situation. You can get your FRS worker to set goals with the maintenance of your house and get her to see the improvements you made to your house and then she can speak for you in your defence.
I am not sure how you can address the mental health situation except for to show the social workers all the things you have done and to state that your life has turned around and you are happy as you would not of been able to have done all that you have done otherwise. Get the FRS worker to back it up
I know your worried about your case and need to get legal representation but jump straight onto what I've listed and you will have a greater defense at court, you need to shoot down all the concerns as quick as you can and maintain the improvement.
If there are any partners or family members that the social services feel are a risk to your children do not let them anywhere near your children especially while the case is open. They have zero tolerance when it comes to this. Even if you feel they are innocent you need to prove it first before you can allow contact.
I really wish the best for you and I hope everything turns out well for you, you shall be in my thoughts. Keep your chin up and be pro active, think about all you can do and do not concentrate on the things that brought you to this situation.
Kind regards blue
When you have done all this you will have alot more strings to your bow.
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: help needed asap
Hi damiensmummy21
Welcome to the board, and thank you for sharing your post with everyone.
Sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time in relation to Children's Services involvement with your 3 year old child and your unborn baby.
Just to add to some of the useful advice you have already been offered, is there a pre-birth or core assessment being completed. If so, they will want to assess your understanding of any child protection concerns and how open you may be to receiving any family support
that you may be offered such as a family group conference, so you can be involved in making safe plans for you and the children, with involvement from the extended family.
It may also be advisable to consider attending a 'Triple P'/'Strengthening Families' parenting course. These set the standard amongst child care professionals and give you the opportunity to build on your parenting strengths and share expertise alongside other parents and child care professionals.
The advantages of these programmes are that these sessions can sometimes be offered on a small group or 1 :1 basis. Furthermore, they should be able to take in to account any specific needs you may have, such as learning disabilities, mental health, cultural or if English was not your first language.
With regards to the alleged domestic abuse, it may be useful to educate yourself about the effects and impact on children although it is evident you have been able to take protective action in the past. Any social work assessment will want to be confident that you could be consistent and continue to follow through with any actions to keep your children safe, if the same situation were to present itself in future. You could contact National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/ for emotional, practical support and safety planning, or about accessing the Freedom Programme.
If you have not already done so, may I suggest you seek legal advice via http://www.lawsociety.org.uk.
Alternatively, you may want to contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.30 pm.
Best Wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the board, and thank you for sharing your post with everyone.
Sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time in relation to Children's Services involvement with your 3 year old child and your unborn baby.
Just to add to some of the useful advice you have already been offered, is there a pre-birth or core assessment being completed. If so, they will want to assess your understanding of any child protection concerns and how open you may be to receiving any family support
that you may be offered such as a family group conference, so you can be involved in making safe plans for you and the children, with involvement from the extended family.
It may also be advisable to consider attending a 'Triple P'/'Strengthening Families' parenting course. These set the standard amongst child care professionals and give you the opportunity to build on your parenting strengths and share expertise alongside other parents and child care professionals.
The advantages of these programmes are that these sessions can sometimes be offered on a small group or 1 :1 basis. Furthermore, they should be able to take in to account any specific needs you may have, such as learning disabilities, mental health, cultural or if English was not your first language.
With regards to the alleged domestic abuse, it may be useful to educate yourself about the effects and impact on children although it is evident you have been able to take protective action in the past. Any social work assessment will want to be confident that you could be consistent and continue to follow through with any actions to keep your children safe, if the same situation were to present itself in future. You could contact National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/ for emotional, practical support and safety planning, or about accessing the Freedom Programme.
If you have not already done so, may I suggest you seek legal advice via http://www.lawsociety.org.uk.
Alternatively, you may want to contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.30 pm.
Best Wishes
Suzie
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ange301126
- Posts: 537
- Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:27 pm
Re: help needed asap
dear damien's mummy21,
You have received some great advice already and I hope the following will be of help.
1.Keep a written record of every communication you have with social workers (including on the telephone and keep every letter. Keep every communication with the Police also.
2.The social workers appear to be abusing your human rights to an extent in that they are taking action on the basis of neglect charges which have not even been heard yet. They have pre-judged you. This is a regular tactic of theirs! One might have thought that they would wait until facts are established before assuming child neglect but they prefer to bring court action before facts are examined fully on the basis of gossip and hearsay evidence.In our case ,they presented false evidence to the Police and colluded in delaying Police enquiries by withholding material evidence.This was the medical evidence which indicated that the children were not in a state of neglect and never had been. It wasn't until after the children were taken away partially on the grounds of neglect that ( after a full examination of the facts) it was revealed that neglect charges were 'unrealistic' thus no charges were to be brought against us. Funny enough, this was revealed when it was too late two days after the full care order was issued. So you must watch out for this.
3.Without any medical qualifications,the social worker has decided to remove the children using your mental health as a criteria. This is also one of their regular tactics and their next step will be to apply to the Court to order a psychological assessment. It is a quite widespread experience that they will not follow strict procedures correctly and allow you no input to the instruction letter for the assessment and that they may provide the psychologist with false information.Watch out for that!
4.As I said before ,the CS will want to get matters dealt with before the facts surrounding the neglect charges are examined fully.They may ask you for permission for the Police to reveal FWIN notes.Talk with your solicitor about this and object .FWIN notes do not record facts but are notes made with the possibility of prosecution in mind.They are speculative and often inventive. Witness to this is the recent experience of the Chief Whip who was accused of God knows what by the Police. If your solicitor does not put a stop to it everything within the notes will be accepted as FACT by the Family Court. Tell your solicitor you don't want assessments etc. to be done until after decisions have been taken either by the CPS or by a criminal Court re-neglect charges.
These are just a few tips given in good faith.The problem is that if you make objections to your solicitor about unfairness, he or she may advise you to go along with it all on the grounds that you are wiser to cooperate fully with the CS.keep in touch with the forum and take good heed of Suzie's advice and the advice line.
You have received some great advice already and I hope the following will be of help.
1.Keep a written record of every communication you have with social workers (including on the telephone and keep every letter. Keep every communication with the Police also.
2.The social workers appear to be abusing your human rights to an extent in that they are taking action on the basis of neglect charges which have not even been heard yet. They have pre-judged you. This is a regular tactic of theirs! One might have thought that they would wait until facts are established before assuming child neglect but they prefer to bring court action before facts are examined fully on the basis of gossip and hearsay evidence.In our case ,they presented false evidence to the Police and colluded in delaying Police enquiries by withholding material evidence.This was the medical evidence which indicated that the children were not in a state of neglect and never had been. It wasn't until after the children were taken away partially on the grounds of neglect that ( after a full examination of the facts) it was revealed that neglect charges were 'unrealistic' thus no charges were to be brought against us. Funny enough, this was revealed when it was too late two days after the full care order was issued. So you must watch out for this.
3.Without any medical qualifications,the social worker has decided to remove the children using your mental health as a criteria. This is also one of their regular tactics and their next step will be to apply to the Court to order a psychological assessment. It is a quite widespread experience that they will not follow strict procedures correctly and allow you no input to the instruction letter for the assessment and that they may provide the psychologist with false information.Watch out for that!
4.As I said before ,the CS will want to get matters dealt with before the facts surrounding the neglect charges are examined fully.They may ask you for permission for the Police to reveal FWIN notes.Talk with your solicitor about this and object .FWIN notes do not record facts but are notes made with the possibility of prosecution in mind.They are speculative and often inventive. Witness to this is the recent experience of the Chief Whip who was accused of God knows what by the Police. If your solicitor does not put a stop to it everything within the notes will be accepted as FACT by the Family Court. Tell your solicitor you don't want assessments etc. to be done until after decisions have been taken either by the CPS or by a criminal Court re-neglect charges.
These are just a few tips given in good faith.The problem is that if you make objections to your solicitor about unfairness, he or she may advise you to go along with it all on the grounds that you are wiser to cooperate fully with the CS.keep in touch with the forum and take good heed of Suzie's advice and the advice line.
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ange301126
- Posts: 537
- Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:27 pm
Re: help needed asap
deardamien'smummy21,My advice to you also would be on no account accept a Police caution for neglect as by doing so you will be admitting child neglect. Your illness mitigates the circumstances and you should fight the case in court if you have to. Also you say the child was clean and well cared for despite the housework having slipped, a fact which the social workers will not put to the Family Court.They will just state you were cautioned for child-neglect and your wrong-doing will be forever assumed.
Please take notice of blueplains advice to PRE-EMPT the 'concerns' of the CS. You should know that many ,many children have been removed from their parents because of FALSE concerns of a parent's mental health and it has been said that some court -appointed psychologists and other experts are over sympathetic to social workers when making assessments.Thus I suggest that you take preemptive action and explain the situation in detail to your G.P. and/or your hospital consultant and also perhaps your health visitor if you have one yet and ask them for a written statement as to your illness.A kidney infection is physiological not psychological yet the social worker is 'concerned' about your mental health.Ask them for their opinion of your mental health and whether they have any significant concerns about your mild depression and any effect it may have on your parenting skills.Thousands of excellent parents suffer from depression but there is no 'concern' about them. Please note that you should do this before you go and show the opinions to the Court. WHO KNOWS? The court might be reasonable and decide you don't require any further assessment.
Please take notice of blueplains advice to PRE-EMPT the 'concerns' of the CS. You should know that many ,many children have been removed from their parents because of FALSE concerns of a parent's mental health and it has been said that some court -appointed psychologists and other experts are over sympathetic to social workers when making assessments.Thus I suggest that you take preemptive action and explain the situation in detail to your G.P. and/or your hospital consultant and also perhaps your health visitor if you have one yet and ask them for a written statement as to your illness.A kidney infection is physiological not psychological yet the social worker is 'concerned' about your mental health.Ask them for their opinion of your mental health and whether they have any significant concerns about your mild depression and any effect it may have on your parenting skills.Thousands of excellent parents suffer from depression but there is no 'concern' about them. Please note that you should do this before you go and show the opinions to the Court. WHO KNOWS? The court might be reasonable and decide you don't require any further assessment.
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damiensmummy21
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Thu Jan 31, 2013 1:19 pm
Re: help needed asap
Okay so I got re-bailed on 13th feb and ss are taking me to court or a I.c.o on 21st feb. What's the chances they will get it? I cut ties with the ex. And have been asking ss to help me move to a new area away from him n that flat so he won't no where I am, as they say he's a threat to the kids! He's never hurt them, n never would he also has visits at my mums every sat for 2 hours with out any safety measures in place yet he's ment to be such a risk!
All I want its my son home
I'm so scared I'm guna lose him!! And my unborn, I've re-housed the pets and my flat has had all hazzards removed, not that ss no as they failed to turn up for a visit om thursday just gone! I've started paying off all debts, and starting group therapy, my weight is also perfect, I've done everything asked of me even attending a domestic violence group monday! All I want is my son home. I don't even no if I have to attend the court as I found out via my mum and have not been given anything my self from ss.
All I want its my son home
I'm so scared I'm guna lose him!! And my unborn, I've re-housed the pets and my flat has had all hazzards removed, not that ss no as they failed to turn up for a visit om thursday just gone! I've started paying off all debts, and starting group therapy, my weight is also perfect, I've done everything asked of me even attending a domestic violence group monday! All I want is my son home. I don't even no if I have to attend the court as I found out via my mum and have not been given anything my self from ss.-
damiensmummy21
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Thu Jan 31, 2013 1:19 pm
Re: help needed asap
So upset! I've seen copys of the court report! And its full of lies n twisting! I'm guna lose my kids and they've purposed a perm place with my mum!! Why would they fill the report with so much lies and no evidence to back it up ether!
I'm guna lose my kids and they've purposed a perm place with my mum!! Why would they fill the report with so much lies and no evidence to back it up ether!-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: help needed asap
Hi damiensmummy21
Welcome back to the board, and sorry to hear that things have taken a turn for the worse.
However, you mention a number of positive steps forward you have made, since you first posted. This is really great. In addition, try to make sure (where possible) you get copies of supporting letters from the hospital, counsellor, GP to report on the appointments attended so far, and their views about your ability to make, and sustain the necessary changes in your parenting, and a timescale for these.
Whilst Children's Services are issuing care proceedings, they have a duty to consider alternative family placements, in the first instance, prior to (in addition) to unrelated foster placements.
The Local Authority are also required to make parallel plans for your child, but this could be part of a safety net, and does not necessarily mean you should expect the worst in the long term. You may wish to request a family group conference, so you can be involved in making safe family plans, alongside members of the extended family.
It is important that you can obtain professional reports about the progress you have made, and willingness to address your eating disorder, emotional issues, weight gain etc. It may be good to take photographs of your home (with dates included), as this all acts as useful evidence and commitment to work towards your child being returned to your care.
Most importantly, work closely with your criminal and family law solicitors so they can offer you essential legal advice in respect of your case.
Please feel free to contact our advice line, if you want to discuss your situation in more detail. You can do this on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.30 pm.
I hope this helps.
Best Wishes
Suzie
Welcome back to the board, and sorry to hear that things have taken a turn for the worse.
However, you mention a number of positive steps forward you have made, since you first posted. This is really great. In addition, try to make sure (where possible) you get copies of supporting letters from the hospital, counsellor, GP to report on the appointments attended so far, and their views about your ability to make, and sustain the necessary changes in your parenting, and a timescale for these.
Whilst Children's Services are issuing care proceedings, they have a duty to consider alternative family placements, in the first instance, prior to (in addition) to unrelated foster placements.
The Local Authority are also required to make parallel plans for your child, but this could be part of a safety net, and does not necessarily mean you should expect the worst in the long term. You may wish to request a family group conference, so you can be involved in making safe family plans, alongside members of the extended family.
It is important that you can obtain professional reports about the progress you have made, and willingness to address your eating disorder, emotional issues, weight gain etc. It may be good to take photographs of your home (with dates included), as this all acts as useful evidence and commitment to work towards your child being returned to your care.
Most importantly, work closely with your criminal and family law solicitors so they can offer you essential legal advice in respect of your case.
Please feel free to contact our advice line, if you want to discuss your situation in more detail. You can do this on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.30 pm.
I hope this helps.
Best Wishes
Suzie
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damiensmummy21
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Thu Jan 31, 2013 1:19 pm
Re: help needed asap
The I.c.o was granted, but I've gotta go back on 22nd march with a statement and ss have to have loads of evidence ready I'm so scared I never get my son home. They've said my son has seen d.v (my oh n me fighting , hitting ect) this is not true!! He headbutted me once 7 year ago not ideal no but he was very sorry n never touched me again, no children witnessed it ether, he does has some issues with control as he likes to no where I'm going, when I'm back and who with ect, but that calmed down a lot since he started working, but I cut ties with him anyway as I have to much going on to deal with it, but its not good enough
My house is lovely and clean only no flooring, but got all storage sorted, no animals anymore ether, still not good enough, my "eating disorder" has been proved to be me being picky with food but I've been doing great so far, I've turned into a comfort eater instead now lol! N no coke or chocs.
My depression I'm starting group threrapy on monday, but doing well enough not to need anti-depressants yet. I've even started coming to terms with my rape finally after years of thinking it was my fault, but this is not good enough.
Every concern thy have I'm fixing and putting right alone aswell no support or help from anyone! Yet they say I can't be a mum to my son, I'm due in 5 weeks and they are guna remove my baby I wana try everything to keep hold of him and breast feed him. If they take him everything I'm working on to improve just don't seem worth it, I'm even whiling to go into a refuage or mum and baby foster placement/unit. But they are saying no, I'm even getting an injuction on the ex to keep me and baby safe. But its not good enough.
The reasons thy got my 1st son was because of how I was, depressed. No housework was done, nothing suitable, ex was living at my flat ect there's no longer any of these concerns so what's my chances on keeping baby? How can I stop them taking him. Please help. If I can show I can look after him the court may decide my other child can come home. I'm a good person and love my children. I made 1 mistake and am working hard to put right. I'm putting them b4 my feelings for there dad, after 7 year not easy to stop loving or move on but with support I no I can do it. I'm only 21 still loads time to find my prince charming, I'm also scared bout there assessers making up lies, how can I stop them saying I'm not capable ? I've read storys on how they are well paid and side with ss to mke sure there used again, is this true? As it was true about there reports all lies! Or making everything worse than it is like saying my son was in hosp for alchol posioning! And there was beer cans on the floor! (Beer cans were infact in a rubbish bag) and the alchol poisoning well the ics was checked and there's no incident reported down! He in facted licked a hand gel which nhs direct said he needed to go hospital so I did as I was told and they laughed n said it was safe there's nothing init harmful!!
I'm so scared I never get my son home. They've said my son has seen d.v (my oh n me fighting , hitting ect) this is not true!! He headbutted me once 7 year ago not ideal no but he was very sorry n never touched me again, no children witnessed it ether, he does has some issues with control as he likes to no where I'm going, when I'm back and who with ect, but that calmed down a lot since he started working, but I cut ties with him anyway as I have to much going on to deal with it, but its not good enough My house is lovely and clean only no flooring, but got all storage sorted, no animals anymore ether, still not good enough, my "eating disorder" has been proved to be me being picky with food but I've been doing great so far, I've turned into a comfort eater instead now lol! N no coke or chocs.
My depression I'm starting group threrapy on monday, but doing well enough not to need anti-depressants yet. I've even started coming to terms with my rape finally after years of thinking it was my fault, but this is not good enough.
Every concern thy have I'm fixing and putting right alone aswell no support or help from anyone! Yet they say I can't be a mum to my son, I'm due in 5 weeks and they are guna remove my baby
I wana try everything to keep hold of him and breast feed him. If they take him everything I'm working on to improve just don't seem worth it, I'm even whiling to go into a refuage or mum and baby foster placement/unit. But they are saying no, I'm even getting an injuction on the ex to keep me and baby safe. But its not good enough. The reasons thy got my 1st son was because of how I was, depressed. No housework was done, nothing suitable, ex was living at my flat ect there's no longer any of these concerns so what's my chances on keeping baby? How can I stop them taking him. Please help. If I can show I can look after him the court may decide my other child can come home. I'm a good person and love my children. I made 1 mistake and am working hard to put right. I'm putting them b4 my feelings for there dad, after 7 year not easy to stop loving or move on but with support I no I can do it. I'm only 21 still loads time to find my prince charming, I'm also scared bout there assessers making up lies, how can I stop them saying I'm not capable ? I've read storys on how they are well paid and side with ss to mke sure there used again, is this true? As it was true about there reports all lies! Or making everything worse than it is like saying my son was in hosp for alchol posioning! And there was beer cans on the floor! (Beer cans were infact in a rubbish bag) and the alchol poisoning well the ics was checked and there's no incident reported down! He in facted licked a hand gel which nhs direct said he needed to go hospital so I did as I was told and they laughed n said it was safe there's nothing init harmful!!
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: help needed asap
Dear damiensmummy21,
I am sorry to hear that children’s services have got the interim care order. Although this is really upsetting for you-as you have said in your posts-you have already taken steps to improve your situation. It is important that you are not disheartened by the court granting an interim care order and you continue to do what it asked of you. What you have described-about you starting group therapy for your depression, sorting out your home and putting your children before your feeling for Dad is all very positive.
A lot of advice has been posted by other users of the board. I am also wondering whether you have contacted women’s aid for support around the domestic abuse that you have suffered. Or has your social worker referred you to a local resource that helps Mums around the issue of domestic abuse?
I am worried from your posts that you might be minimizing the domestic abuse that you have suffered. This may become an issue-about whether you are able to put your children before Dad. It is really important to understand that the term “domestic violence” is used to describe a whole catalogue of behaviours-not just an assault. So you talk about the controlling behaviour –this for example, is domestic abuse. Research shows that the long term effect on children can also be devastating and your son may need therapeutic support to get over witnessing it. This can include hearing arguments (while lying in bed at night), seeing your response to the controlling behaviour, seeing you upset, being isolated, being unable to play etc.
I put on a link to women’s aid in my last post to you. There is information there about domestic violence. Here also is a link to information on the netmums website about domestic abuse, what is it and the effects on children. netmums-domestic abuse
Is your son is still living with your Mum-while you undergo a parenting assessment? If this is the case-then this can be helpful for your contact with your son. Has your Mum been assessed to supervise your contact?
You ask about the chances of your unborn baby remaining with you -what is the plan for him/her-? For children services to remove your baby-they would either need your agreement or would have to seek a court order-either an interim care order-or an emergency protection order.
You need to discuss with your solicitor what plan is being considered to protect your unborn baby. Even though your son is subject to an interim care order does not automatically mean that your baby will.
The assessment
I can see you are worried about this. You say that the assessment is being carried out by someone other than the children services. The assessors should receive a letter of instruction that has been agreed by your solicitor as well as children services and the guardian solicitors (who represents your children). There may also be an information pack about the assessors. Can you look online for this? There are strict rules governing expert evidence –to ensure independence. Ask your solicitor about this.
The assessors will also be expected to go into the witness box to back up the assessment that they have done and be cross examined on thier evidence. So if you felt that they had not been fair-then your solicitor could consider whether to call them to give evidence.
At the first meeting you will have the chance to find out what the assessment will involve-for example, how many times will they meet you, how many contacts will they supervise, what court papers will they see? If you do not understand anything you must feel able to ask. It is important that you engage with the assessment-avoid missing any meetings-and if you do, for example, due to ill health-get a letter from your GP.
I hope this information helps and please post back.
Best wishes,
Suzie
I am sorry to hear that children’s services have got the interim care order. Although this is really upsetting for you-as you have said in your posts-you have already taken steps to improve your situation. It is important that you are not disheartened by the court granting an interim care order and you continue to do what it asked of you. What you have described-about you starting group therapy for your depression, sorting out your home and putting your children before your feeling for Dad is all very positive.
A lot of advice has been posted by other users of the board. I am also wondering whether you have contacted women’s aid for support around the domestic abuse that you have suffered. Or has your social worker referred you to a local resource that helps Mums around the issue of domestic abuse?
I am worried from your posts that you might be minimizing the domestic abuse that you have suffered. This may become an issue-about whether you are able to put your children before Dad. It is really important to understand that the term “domestic violence” is used to describe a whole catalogue of behaviours-not just an assault. So you talk about the controlling behaviour –this for example, is domestic abuse. Research shows that the long term effect on children can also be devastating and your son may need therapeutic support to get over witnessing it. This can include hearing arguments (while lying in bed at night), seeing your response to the controlling behaviour, seeing you upset, being isolated, being unable to play etc.
I put on a link to women’s aid in my last post to you. There is information there about domestic violence. Here also is a link to information on the netmums website about domestic abuse, what is it and the effects on children. netmums-domestic abuse
Is your son is still living with your Mum-while you undergo a parenting assessment? If this is the case-then this can be helpful for your contact with your son. Has your Mum been assessed to supervise your contact?
You ask about the chances of your unborn baby remaining with you -what is the plan for him/her-? For children services to remove your baby-they would either need your agreement or would have to seek a court order-either an interim care order-or an emergency protection order.
You need to discuss with your solicitor what plan is being considered to protect your unborn baby. Even though your son is subject to an interim care order does not automatically mean that your baby will.
The assessment
I can see you are worried about this. You say that the assessment is being carried out by someone other than the children services. The assessors should receive a letter of instruction that has been agreed by your solicitor as well as children services and the guardian solicitors (who represents your children). There may also be an information pack about the assessors. Can you look online for this? There are strict rules governing expert evidence –to ensure independence. Ask your solicitor about this.
The assessors will also be expected to go into the witness box to back up the assessment that they have done and be cross examined on thier evidence. So if you felt that they had not been fair-then your solicitor could consider whether to call them to give evidence.
At the first meeting you will have the chance to find out what the assessment will involve-for example, how many times will they meet you, how many contacts will they supervise, what court papers will they see? If you do not understand anything you must feel able to ask. It is important that you engage with the assessment-avoid missing any meetings-and if you do, for example, due to ill health-get a letter from your GP.
I hope this information helps and please post back.
Best wishes,
Suzie
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