Initial 'Child Protection Conference'

[BMLFR]

Hi,

I have recently been visited by the social services because of a recent event where the police were called as myself and boyfriend had unfortunately been drinking and I asked him to leave and he wouldn't, he has never shown this behaviour before and didn't want to go home so he as the police said threw me on the floor and had his hands around my neck which there were no bruises or any marks and he didn't do it hard and then he tried to run away and the neighbours who had called the police tried to pin him to the floor unfortunately my two children witnessed this and I absolutely now acknowledge how serious and awful it has been for them to go through. He is on bail and my children have ben staying at their dads only because they were meant to go and stay before this incidence and he was supposed to return them to me after 5 days which he didn't as said they went safe at home. Their father has had no interaction at all over the last year and a half and within the report has been saying I drink all the time and someone from the school has said that I drink heavily and swear in from of my children. The SS came to visit me and my girls and they were really happy with the home setting and said that the relationship between myself and children is clearly acknowledged. I have never ever drank in the day and I run a busy life with a business from home and the police were only called in the past with my husband who I am now going through a divorce with. I am terrified that the report says the SS are concerned about the care their mother has been giving them and will although the children have been dying to come back home, will he try and keep them with him. Will he turn everyone against me and make out Im a bad mother although the children want to come home to me and the dog and start school Monday. The social workers are aware that the girls want to come home to be with me and the dog. After the incident happened I went upstairs to be and was naked in bed as you would be and my 11 year old got up and answered the door to the police again and they have also put that in the report that they are concerned of the risk to my children. Does anyone have any advise for me I am terrified that they will get the children to live with him although he hasn't been in their lives at all, I have in the past been to my doctor about alcohol reduction and local alcohol services to get help which I thought was a positive move. On the report from social worker the goals they have put in place are visits announced and unannounced every 10 days etc, assuming they will want to keep my children with me. To add my health is very good and I have never had any issues with kidneys liver etc and take no medication, never been arrested and have a clear DBS. My children are both fully up to date with health checks, dental checks and immunisation and the school have no conners just the police getting called because my new partner got a little bit silly after some wine and deeply regrets it. Any advice meeting Friday so frightened.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear BLMFR,
Welcome to the Parents Forum. I am sorry for the delay in responding to you. I am Suzie, FRG’s online adviser.

The assault that took place sounded horrific. I am glad that you are ok and did not suffer any bruises. You say that your children are with their father who is threatening not to return them. Is that still the case?
You ask for advice about the meeting that was due to take place. I can see that this would now have already happened. Was it an initial child protection conference? if so, have a look at our FAQ’s about child protection .

From what you say, the only real concern of children services is your partners dangerous behaviour towards you. You say that you are not neglecting your children and I do not think children services would have got involved because of your alcohol consumption because it was not impacting your children’s development and wellbeing although it will be mentioned in the social workers report now they are involved.
You say that your partner “got a bit silly after some wine”. But if you look at a DV risk assessment tool such as the one devised by Barnardo’s, you will see that the incident would be considered to be a very serious one as it could have been life threatening because he had his hands around your neck. The fact that the children witnessed it suggested that, in the moment of the incident, he did not care for the welfare of your children either.
Here are FAQ’s about DV . You should also look at Refuge and Women’s Aids website as they outline the effects of DV on children as well as Women. It would be a good idea to speak to the DV helpline on 0808 2424 as well.
I hope my advice helps. If you need further advice, please post again or call or advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Kind regards,
Suzie