New partner non molestation order

[barn234]

PLEASE HELP WITH ADVICE

Social services first became involved with me and my family in 2018 after my ex partner beat me while I was 9 months pregnant. I listened to him when he said he could change and allowed him back into our lives (child protection plan put into place) he beat me up again around 6 month later whilst still on the plan so social services took us to court, I however turned my life around. I got rid of him, had a restraining order, no contact my children were safe and Social services didn’t win. I got to keep my babies. Once the restraining order had finished my ex started to see our children again. (2020) he was meant to see the children one day in the afternoon and didn’t turn up, he turned up at 10pm and it ended in another assault which was bad and he had put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me. Social became involved again, child protection plan put in place again. I was not interested in the father as a relationship but they believed that I still didn’t protect the children by allowing contact with him in my own home with the children knowing our past. It went to court he got a suspended sentence and hasn’t seen the children since the incident October 2020. Fast forward to January and I enter a new relationship, all was good, we have a really good relationship all checks we’re done and he was clear and allowed around the children. New partner told his ex (split for 5 years) and she went very jealous stopped him from seeing his daughter so numerous contacts were made to try and get hold of her for this reason, she then filed in a non molestation order for ‘harrasment’ and did a statement saying my new partner had strangled her on a night out and broke his child’s crib in an argument before etc. I told social services about this as I am very opens
And honest with them, my social worker told me that he was still allowed aroun my children however I must always be around while it’s investigated, fine by me. She came around the day after and said after speaking to her manager they had come to the conclusion that no contact between my new partner and children were allowed until risk assessed. They waited 4/5 months to start the risk assessment I was furloughed from work at this point so still got to see him while the kids were in nursery. I’m now back at work and have no time apart from my children as I don’t have much of a support network and they both have special needs. They have completed the risk assessment and have decided now after 5 months he needs to do the DV course. 3 months waiting list and 12 weeks course that’s another 6 MONTHS. of not being able to see each other at all. They’re doing this on the basis of her statement BUT they’re is no evidence anywhere to say he has ever been abusive? No police records no nothing the non molestation order was placed with ‘no findings and no admittions’ he even paid £1500 to try and undertake the order but his ex disagreed. Can they do this? They are going to ruin a perfectly happy and healthy relationship that my children will thrive in with no EVIDENCE? Other than someone’s word? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

I’m heartbroken and after the 5 years it’s took me to move on I finally thought I was going to be happy

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear barn234

Welcome to the parents discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties that your family is currently experiencing and that there has been a delay in responding to your post.

Children’s services are currently involved with your family as there is a Non Molestation Order (NMO) against your new partner. The allegations made against your partner (including strangulation) are very serious and have resulted in the family court making a court order to protect a victim or survivor of domestic violence. It is important to understand this and not to play down its significance.

As you and your children have experienced severe domestic violence from their father in the past, I am sure you understand how seriously domestic violence can impact on children. Here is a summary of how harmful it can be.

You have worked well with children’s services in the past and have able to successfully care for your children. You have been open and honest with them on this occasion about your new partner. This has resulted in them undertaking a risk assessment of your partner with a recommendation that he should complete a domestic violence course. This seems reasonable. Children’s services want to make sure that your young children are not exposed to any further domestic violence – as they have been harmed by domestic violence (from their father) previously.

However, I can see that it is frustrating that the risk assessment took a long time to complete and that there is now a lengthy waiting list for courses. You are concerned that you are having to put your relationship on hold due to this. Have you/your partner contacted Respect directly to double check on availability of programmes/ alternative options in your area? You could discuss with the social worker if there are any other possibilities. Are there any other strategies that you / your partner can put in place that would reduce the possible risks? It is worth having that discussion as long as your bottom line is that you will do what is necessary to keep your children safe and that they come first.

It is important to remember children’s services make decisions based on the 'balance of probabilities’ and they will also be concerned that as you suffered domestic violence in the past this may make you more vulnerable to a domestically violent relationship again.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie