scared they'll take my baby

[mummy04]

hi i really need some advice im at the end of my tether and really do not no what to do im so scared of loosing my baby and its completly breaking my heart , the reason im so worried is that my boyfriend and father to the baby has had a case with social services before because he hit his ex's son who was 7 years old at the time she also had another child and was pregnant with their baby to social services where called and he was asked to move out of the house whilst they where working on their case but was allowed to see his son everyday at a contact centre they did this for a while but she wanted him to stay living with her and her sons so he did and this resulted in all of the children being removed from their care her two sons went to live with her parents and their son went to live with her sister where my partner has regular contact with his son , i do not belive he is a horrible violent person he has changed his life dramatically and just made one massive mistake and my god is he paying the price , he's heartbroken over it all and the thought of having to re-live the experiance again is so hard on us both we understand that we will probly have to break up social services are not involved yet but his ex has said to me she will be telling them , we want to go to social services our selves but i dont no what the right thing to do is do you think they will give him a second chance and let us live together and be a proper family i currently live with my parents and he lives in his won place will my son stay in my care or will they take him away from me will they let him be a dad at all im just so confused could any body tell me what the most likely outcome will be , my first baby died and i will do anything i possibly can to make sure i dont loose my unborn baby when he is born and will always make sure he is safe and happy and give him everthing he possibly needs!

[mummy04]

i also ment to put in the post that it wasnt just because he hit her son that they where taken they also were not happy with her parenting skills and although the reason social services first got involved was because he hit her it was the two issues together then resulted in the children being taken from them both.

[mummy04]

does anybody have any advice please?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi mummy04

Welcome to the board. My name is Suzie, one of the online advisers from the Family Rights Group.

Sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are in with Children's Services, and your unborn baby. Particularly as it must be very hard having previously lost a baby, although the circumstances around this loss, are not clear in your post. Were you offered any bereavement counselling with Cruse 0844 4779400 etc.

You say that your partner's two children were removed in the past, and that this was due to him being accused of alleged physical abuse, and concerns about the mother's parenting, and that she was also pregnant at the time.

Is it possible that there were issues about the parent's not engaging with the Local Authority, because they were unwilling to cooperate with the recommendation for him to move out whilst the child protection enquiries were taking place?

I assume there were some professional concerns about both parent's ability to keep the children safe, because the children are placed with extended family and supervised contact was recommended. Does he have any contact with his children at present, and under what circumstances? Until you have more information, from the professionals, therefore, it may be advisable to keep an open mind until you have more details.

Are the children placed under any court orders or by a voluntary agreement. Because if your partner has made significant changes, it would be important that this is reflected in any risk assessments that are undertaken, and any current recommendations being made by the Local Authority.

You ask whether it would be a good idea for you to contact Children's Services. Ultimately, this decision is up to you. However, if you did so, it would show that you are being proactive, willing to listen to any child protection concerns being raised by professionals, and that you are open to any family support that may be offered at this time.

Furthermore, it would give you the opportunity to obtain a details history of Children’s Services involvement with your partners’ children, from a third party. Therefore, you would not just be reliant on the information given by him or the mother of his children.

It could be that where couples have separated, they could have very different perceptions of the same situation. Then you can be reassured, as could the Local Authority, that you have done everything in your power to take all steps to keep your unborn baby safe.

In any pre birth assessment, your current support network will also be taken into account, as will the fact that you do not live together with your partner. You may wish to request a family group conference, so that you can be involved in making safe plans for the baby when they arrive.

So no, it is not a given that Children's Services will automatically want to remove your baby, but the earlier they can be involved to conduct any assessments that may be required, the better for everyone.

If you wish to discuss your situation in more detail, and speak to an adviser, please feel free to contact the Family Rights Group advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 to 03.00.

Best Wishes


Suzie

[mummy04]

hi thank for getting back to me the 2 children where her children from a previous relationship one of which he had hit , and she was also pregnant with his child at the time , social services got involved because of the fact he had hit him but whilst under going investigation they where concerned about both parents not just him and investigated them both and where very unsatisfied with her parenting skills , he did move out as they asked but went round to her whenever she asked him to which was against what social services had asked so this was seen as them not engaging as social services had asked all of the above issues resulted in the children being removed from their care when they went to court and the court ordered that their son when born would live with another family member and the two older boys went to another family member , he has contact with his biological son but not the other two children, she has not seen their on for a number of months as she moved away but today she told somebody that she's coming back purely to ruin my partners live and mine for some reason im not sure why me because ive never even met her or spoken to her , i know she is going to go to social services and tell them im pregnant i have no problem with this as i have nothing to hide and i know im going to be a good parent and i truly believe my partner is to and we are both completely in agreement that we will be honest and open with social services and will work them how ever they want us to and co-operate with them completely as our child is our priority. ive spoken to people involved including the family that look after his son and they have all said the same thing that they think he made a very bad mistake he has changed and that there is no need for social services to be involved so i havent gone to them yet but im now wondering if i should because of her threats?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Susan

Please refer to my previous advice.

If the mother of your partner's older children is determined to carry out her threats to cause trouble, between you and him, by informing the Local Authority, of your pregnancy, (and his past history) it is probable that she will indeed do so, sooner rather than later.

The fact that there were care proceedings, and the court decided it was not safe for any of the three children to return to the parents is significant information, and they will have detailed records of the circumstances, on their case files. However, it is likely they will wish to conduct a new assessment of the baby, to consider if they need to take any action or offer you any support, in view of this past history.

Are you aware what recommendations the court made about your partner engaging with any support for himself, such as anger management, parenting skills - because it will be important that he can demonstrate, with the changes he is reported to have made - which agencies he engaged with to get the required help? Because the professionals will take this in to account now, and this could help to prove that he has changed, and could minimise any risks to the baby at the this time.

From the sounds of it, you appear to be a someone who wants the best for your unborn baby. So providing you present as transparent, and keep an open mind about their concerns, in any assessments that are undertaken, Children's Services are more likely to assess you as being child focussed, cooperative and prioritising the baby's needs.

You may wish to ask your partner if there is any further information you should know at this time.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes


Suzie

[mummy04]

hi i was just looking for some further advice so childrens services are now involved with us since we moved in together 8 weeks ago we did this because we both believe that he has changed and does not pose a risk to the baby at first i thought cs where looking to help us positively so we could remain a family unit now however we are due to go to a case conference and the report our social worker has written really does not make my partner look good at all and i do not see how the chair will agree to keep us together as a family although the social worker keeps saying she knows how bad it looks but to concentrate more on the positives but surely the chair will focus more on the negatives his past! we have tried to show how he has changed to our social worker and she seemed please but now since receiving the report im very confused and has said she is still concerned about him i want my son to grow up in a happy family enviroment but this doesnt seem possible if we cant live together as a family if they make that decsion i know that we'll be the best parents we possibly can be and i know he would never hurt my son or any other child again he has learnt he's a completely different person now and leads a completely different lifestyle to back then and the situation is so different but this doesnt seem like its going to be good enough if they decided he has to move out will that be a final descion and he will never be allowed back or will they work with us so we can be a family unit again in the future i just really do not no what to expect from the conference im hurting so bad and have gone from being so excited about my sons arrival to feeling so down and worried my son doesnt deserve this and neither do i i just doesnt seem fair off course i understand they need to asses my partner because of his past but it just seems their minds are made up already about him.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi mummy04

Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to your thread- how are you?

You mentioned that an initial child protection conference has been arranged and that, understandably, you are very anxious about this.

Has the conference taken place yet? If not, you may wish to read our advice sheet about child protection procedures to help you prepare. We also have a series of films which show how a child protection conference works.

The purpose of the conference is to decide if there should be a child protection plan in place for your son. The conference is not to make a decision about whether or not you and your partner should live together.

If Children’s Services feel that it is in the best interests of your baby that you and your partner should not be together, they may include this recommendation in the child protection plan. If this was their intention, however, I would have expected them to make this clear to you already. It may be that the intention is to carry out further assessments and recommend therapeutic work for you and your partner to address their concerns before your baby is born.

Do let us know how the conference goes and if there are any more questions I can answer for you.

Take care

Suzie
FRG Adviser

[mummy04]

hi thank you for replying the case conference took place a while ago now and was actually really positive despite how bad i thought the social workers report was whilst at the conference they did pick up the bad points of my partners past which of course they had to they where more interested in the positive points to his life now and how he had changed our relationship his relationship with his older son our willingness to work the authorities and my ability to keep our son safe , with all of this taken into consideration the chair person of the meeting decided that we should stay together as a family and have visit every 2 weeks from our social worker untill they review our case our son is now 3 weeks old and all professionals are happy with what we are doing , the only bit of advice i have for anybody in a similar situation to us is to ignore what people say about childrens services being terrible and just taking children and judging everything you do and not wanting to help this is not true they have helped us because we were willing to work with them open and honestly if you do this to they will help you and you probably will have the outcome you want ,i only wish i went to childrens services myself a lot sooner but i couldn't be happier with the outcome we have now

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

That's great news mummy04, thanks for updating us.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby- I hope all is going smoothly.

Take care and do come back to us whenever you need to.

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser