Urgent help- ss want child + x is emotionally abu

[emotionalwreck]

Hi, been in this situation for 1.5 years and it's getting worse than ever, i'm having problems affording legal representation so hasn't helped, basically x father of child is emotional abuser, we slip, child always lived with me. x has manipulated child, ss, guardian and court listen to them and say if we continue to fight he will recommend care proceedings, It's impossible to prove what he is doing and ss have it in for me, they are listening to him but dis-smissing anything i say. now at school child had a emotional therapy and told them she now hates me, doesn't want to live with me and i smack her all the time and apparently shes happy with daddy taking her everywhere and buying her expensive presents! shes 6, funny how before she spent some time with him the last 2 weeks that she is saying these when she clearly told sw mummy makes me happy and when i saw her in the park she was so happy to see me and kept cuddling and kissing and telling me she missed me. How can they listen to a 6 year old and tell me i have to go to the police station, when she is frightened of her dad and wont tell them whats really happening (he tells her to tell them i'm bad and hit her) by the way i never hit her i love her millions,) and before she went to his she told me she has to do whatever daddy says otherwise he will kill her and put a pole through her heart, in the past social have asked her things like when did that happen? she would say '800 million minutes ago' she likes the number 8. I know that he is a naccastic liar and he only wants her to be taken away from me, he does care if she goes to care at least she wont be with me, he is trying to hurt me, but everyone is fooled by him they simply can't beleive someone can be that cold. social have done no investigation on his part such as the fact he has nothing to do with his past wife and 3 kids?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear emotionalwreck,
I am so sorry to hear that you have been in such a stressful situation for so long. It must be very worrying and frightening that your exe seems to have been emotionally abusing towards you and your child and threatening towards your child.
I can see from your post that you are currently in private law proceedings. Is your exe applying for a contact order or a residence order? Are you applying for any orders?

The cafcass guardian has said that if you and your exe do not stop fighting, then he wants children services to apply for care proceedings. He must believe that your daughter may be suffering significant harm and you must take hisconcerns seriously. Your daughter is currently getting counselling at the moment so you must be worried about her emotional wellbeing.
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To get children services to take care proceedings, the guardian would need to ask the court to make an order or direction that children services (social services) carry out an assessment to see whether your daughter is suffering or is at risk of suffering significant harm. Children services would then have to prepare a report (called a section 37 report) and decide whether or not to take care proceedings.
This is explained her in our glossary of terms for : significant harm.

However, the guardian has first of all asked you to stop fighting. He is giving you the opportunity to take steps to do this. Ask him what support he can give you-what are his expectations? If it helps, ask him to put it in writing. Also ask your solicitor what you can do to minimise any distress to your daughter. For example;
• Have you minimized any time that you and your exe spend together?
• Is someone else involved in the arrangements for contact?
• Are you getting the emotional support you need?
• Are you listening to what the guardian and solicitor is advising you?
• Are you keeping a diary of what happens around contact?
• Have you been referred to any organisations that might be able to help you? For example, I am worried that you may have suffered domestic abuse. Emotional abuse can be domestic abuse-you may want to contact women’s aid for help and support. You may be able to ask for an advocate to support you. Or you could find out about their freedom programme-that helps women who may have suffered domestic abuse.
I have given you some suggestions. I can see that your situation is very worrying and stressful to you, so please post again if you want more advice, or you could call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie

[emotionalwreck]

Hi
I went to the police station and feel bit better but still very upset as i am really missing my baby
I explained that he is an emotional abuser and i have been trying to tell ss since our split, I told them i am not fighting but if there is an allegation i have to defend myself as it is not true. child protection police officer said she is worried that our child shouldn't have unsupervised contact with her dad because of emotional abuse and threat to her. but at the same time she is concerned about her being with me because if she has a fall and gets a bruise or mark and then tells them i have hit her then i will be arrested. so she suggested that she goes on a foster placement and we both have supervised visits whilst he is being investigated and i am
she said that this is volentary and either of us can withdraw at anytime. i think this is a solution but would worry he would withdraw her and were be back to square one, however this would look bad on himself and they would most likely go for care proceedings. i don't want her taken into care i love her and know she needs me but i agree with this plan giving her time to investigate the truth and stopping him from his mind games. i have just received his statement which is packed with lies, he says i threatened him and reported him and also that i have made allegations about him to his 2 landlords. none of these are true and he would not have the text messages or any other evidence
i am unable to have legal aid re-instated as i have spoken to them and they refuse. so i am looking for a private solicitor as i have little funds but really need to be represented in court

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Thanks for posting back.
I understand that the child protection police woman has suggested that you agree to your daughter going into foster care.
Before you agree with the social worker (rather than the police), think of the following:
• As soon as you can- you need to discuss with your solicitor. There may be ways to protect your daughter from your exe without the need for you to be separated from her. If you can’t speak to your solicitor please can you call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
• Can you and your daughter go into a refuge?
• If they are worried about you-because of the allegations about hitting-can you and your daughter go and stay with a family or friend who could supervise you and your daughter-?
• If children services do insist that your daughter must not live with you while the police investigate-do you have any family or friends where she can stay?
• Can you sign a written agreement that you will not let your exe have unsupervised contact –could children services set up a contact centre?
• If you agree to your daughter going into fostercare or staying with a family friend-ask for how long? Make sure the written agreement says when it will be reviewed. Ask what needs to happen before your daughter returned home?
These are some pointers but please post back and urgently contact your solicitor.
Suzie

[pigletsfriend]

i have been throw all this with my ex. he was not just a mind game player he was nasty in other ways too. and he use to say i was a lier and things like that. i look back and it realy upsets me. i hve been in and out courts for about 10 years the last 3 i seem safe and my now teen childern. i went to take the children at the time well out the area i told ss he found out and even thow it was all planned and things we went throw hell he even tryed to get a custdoy of the children using my mental health as the main thing and that i was alier. i am glad the guidum alitum the childrens solistor. i tryed so hard with my children and spent a lot of happy times with days out and holidays and did things with them that took there mind from all this as it is best not to let the children not what you think and in the long run it paid of so any one that talks to the chidren or let them here the adult stuff do not. then when the other plays you of with the childre the truth will come out in the end all yu say to your child is tell the truth that is all you need to say. and no more. now one of them as grown up more now she tells me things and she went and seen a solistor and sent emails and things to places on the web and what she said when she was younger was the truth that her dad intervered with ehr. and after all what i had beeen throw her was well and truly playing mind games with me but the problem is is proveing it and now i can i got to keep my children and move in the end and in the end my chiildren wold not see him they talk to him on the fone and told him that he was a lier i did not interfer in the convsation but observed and the hate poored out from both children to him and he left me be we even moved back to where we moved from to be with family and friends and he leaves me be. so the tip is tell your children to tell the truth and speak of nothing to fog there mind if the other half wants to try to get the child to say things against you then they do not here nothing form you and they will tell the truth!!! i find mine was telllling the truth all along to me and he made me look a lier i done nothering rong i lvoe all my children to bits and try my best. not long ago i was dinosed with apergers and not mental health so i can prove i never lied if i lie it is well too hard if you look in to autism it takes me practice to tell a white lie and then i tend to laugh and let the cat out the bag! truth i belvie in telling your children to always tell the truth what ever any one says that is it and make sure that is all yousay