Sgo

[Decante]

Hi guys
I was on a few year back where my older daughters got took into care along with my son, my son is on an sgo and lives with his ainty in *, when it was granted in came with terms that there support was his grandad and step grandma, I have contact 6 times a year 3 up north 3 down in *.

So fast forward to now I've made significant change in my life I have a home, I hsve a daughter who I got back from care when she was 6 months old and ever since then when social services and the courts granted her to be returned on supervision order for 12 months. This ended when she was 2 and half. I've had no involvement since, I hsve a home I have a job I can afford to visit my son, I've made arrangements to go and see him but now there refusing too as my son contact t isn't priority to them as they have 2 sons now baring in mjns I haven't seen my son in 2 and half years due to covid and them being pregnant. They were meant to come up her to visit but hadn't and then said the only way I can see my son is by travelling down baring in mind it cost 400 pound per a time I go down . Not that am bothered how much it costs because he's my son but they refuse to travel up north. What's worse is they don't tell him I go down so he has to deal with that, he doesn't know who I am properly because the gaudians don't really talk about me or my family. My son misses out on his sisters as my dad can't travel down or in a car so he also missis out on time with his grandad.

The gaurdians have allowed him to call them mam, and he also calls his aunty partners nana and grandad. (There not related) his grandad on his dad side past away so they denied him to see him before he died they had a relationship break down because the gaurdians wouldn't let family see him.

I've taken into account they wanted to hsve there own family but they now use this as an excuse so contact won't go a head, I know possible rail strike is meant to happen reported by the media (not official) I had said could the get a bus to the meeting point they said they refuse to because they don't want to drag the two young ones on a bus and then the gaurdians have panic attacks but I said well how do they manage appointments on trains etc his aunty then said well she didn't mind travelling but the day would be court short and contact would be limited because she would need to get back to the kids. So I said well this is unfair considering I give at least 2 months notice to go down so she could of sorted something out for chid care st least in the event something like that should happen. I have been arrange contact to suit all including her kids and even offered to pay in to soft plays although I know i don't hsve too I'd try to treat all the kidd the same so no one feels left out. I then got told when something needs to be mind suitable for her younger child, I stated this contact is around my son and me spending time I've missed with him. So she sent along message saying that she will be in touch with arrangements from now one she will decide what's best suited for all but I've said I've arranged to go down the 19th so I can't see why this contact can't go ahead. So told me that if I didn't agree with anything in the message to then seek legal advice or go to court so I my contact t can be sorted properly but I said they should of done that when they tried to reduce my contact for no reason except I couldn't afford to go down and i was currently laid up in a hospital bed as I was pregnant with my little girl and out life was endangered I had low-lying placenta.

So I had said I wad going to ghe solicitors if contact didn't go head on the 19th and that I could only really arrange weekomends and can't stay for longer because they decided to put him in school activity club for the whole of the holidays so said well if I didn't see him Saturday I'd see him the Sunday and thru said they will see.

I have said that I wish contact to continue and that I was thinking to go to a solicitor because I would like him through the holidays so he could benefit from seeing his sisters and my mam and dad and his aunties and grt to know them. They refuse to let him come up north, they refuse me to have him on my own e cc even though I don't need to be supervised etc they refused to grt him tested for the condition my oldest gas which is on there side of the family, he's tiny for his age they didn't let me know he was in hospital until I found out q weeks later from my sons dad because he had been told and went down there BTW my son could have died.

It's hard when having contact and hearing him xall me by my name, my six year old gets confused when he calls me my first name and she always says its mammy lol ...I've been nice cobsiderate about everything these last few years and I've made alot of improvement since the sgo got granted

Edited by Suzie to preserve conifdentiality

[Decante]

1 and half the supervision order ended*

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Decante,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ board.

You say in your post that your children were taken into care a few years ago – your son currently lives with his aunty under an SGO. You are supposed to have contact 6 times a year.

Since then, you have made significant changes to your life – you have a home, and your daughter was returned to your care under a 12 month supervision order. There is no current children’s services involvement. You say that you have a home and a job, and that you have been trying to have contact with your son, but have not seen him in 2.5 years due to COVID and his special guardian being pregnant. You say that they have refused to travel up north for contact and this it is expensive for you to travel down to see him. You say that the special guardians do not talk about your son about you and that he does not really know who you are. You say he is missing out on time with his sisters and with his grandfather. More recently, you have arranged to travel down to see your son, but the special guardian has said this may not be possible and has told you to seek legal advice. You say that his special guardians have not agreed to your son travelling up north or for you to have unsupervised access and have not agreed to him being tested for a condition that you eldest child has. They also did not inform you when he was in hospital.

Firstly, I am sorry to hear you are experiencing these difficulties – this sounds like a very frustrating and upsetting situation for you.

A special guardianship order gives the special guardian ‘exclusive’ parental responsibility for the child. This gives them the authority to take all major decisions about the child’s upbringing and care.

Nevertheless, the child’s parents keep their parental responsibility after a special guardianship order is made and they should still be consulted about important decisions – but, special guardians can make the final decision about most things, even if the parents do not agree. In your case, you do not agree about your son being tested for a specific condition. There may also be other things that you do not agree with the special guardian about.

As you have done, you should express your wishes to the special guardian about what you think should happen – baring in mind that they do have the final decision. If you find this difficult, then you may want to ask the special guardian if they will see a family mediator with you. Family mediators help people find solutions when there are disagreements about arrangements for a child. They are neutral and do not take sides. They keep the discussion very focussed on the child’s, rather than the adults’, needs.

Parents have the right to apply to the Family Court for an order if they do not agree with a decision that is made about how the child is raised. You could apply for one of the following orders, under section 8 of the Children Act 1989:
•A specific issue order-This is an order that deals with a specific matter, such as what school to attend, or whether a child should receive a particular health treatment.
•A prohibited steps order-This order directs the person named in the order not to carry out a specific act. For example, not to take the child for a certain immunisation.

In relation to contact, there are a few steps you can now take. Firstly, I would advise that you contact the local authority responsible who prepared the report for the Family Court about whether the special guardian should care for the child. Children’s services have the power to help parents of children who are subject to a special guardianship order. But they don’t have to provide any specific support. It will depend on what the social worker assesses the parent’s needs to be. If the child was looked after by children’s services in the care system before the special guardianship order was made, they must assess the parent’s need for support, as well as the needs of the child and their special guardian. If the child was not looked after by children’s services in the care system before the special guardianship order was made, children’s services may assess the parent’s need for support if asked to do so. Some of the support they may offer includes help with travel expenses, or other costs associated with taking the child out or assisting with paying for mediation costs if there are difficulties between the parent and special guardian.

There is more information about this on our advice sheet on special guardianship for parents.

If you are unable to agree with the special guardian around contact arrangements, and think that they are being unfair or unreasonable, you may want to apply for a child arrangements order . This means a judge will decide on what contact with your son should look like based on his best interests. If you would like to do this, you may benefit from speaking to a family law solicitor. You can search for a solicitor on the law society website. You may also find it helpful to contact Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480, who provide confidential advice on private family law matters.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

[Decante]

Hi suzie,

I have already tried with them but they said there kids come l first before contact and that they've already asked him about coming up north for a week but he said no.. I understand about re starting contact again and but it's not just my son and me and his aunty and my younger daughter, it's them two me my son daughter and their two kids which I don't mind but could take the attention away from my son and the reason why am there.
I wouldn't say am asking for a great deal etc

[Decante]

I indetdtand thru hsve all major say over daily stuff and don't hsve to inform me, but the terms and conditions of thr court order That was made at the time hasn't been kept too. I understand there children are important too.

Buy ut was cleared in court that if they were to have a family this wouldn't come in a way of contact and always promote contact and that they should activate ly promote as he grows who his birth family are, buy apparently a social worker had told them that it was okay for him to call them mam, I hsve stated it'd not an adoption so I don't believe he should.

It was recommend that my son be tested for the same condition as my oldest due to it being genetic and could effect him in later life. He was rushed to hospital and nearly died and I never got in formed until two weeks after. If it wasn't for his dad telling the hospital about my oldest daughters problems he wouldn't be here today xxx

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Decante

Thank you for your two posts. I think it may be helpful for you to have a read of our advice sheet that is written for parents of children who live with a special guardian.

The advice sheet is here and it is called Special Guardianship: information for parents, on page 6 you will see information about contact.

I hope it is helpful.

Best wishes
Suzie