Help

[Bellabou]

On Monday the 15th last week this is the first time my partner has ever laid a hand on me ever and the first time the police have been called to my property too. My and my partner got into an argument and he ended breaking my nose. It didn’t require surgery or any further treatment. It’s been a build up of things and I am in no way excusing this behaviour it’s not acceptable and I know that! This is the first time it’s ever happened as I’ve explained. He’s the most amazing partner and father to our two boys! He previously was charged with assault on his ex twice but that’s not as black and white as it seems either. I contacted the OIC of my case and have asked to make a retraction statement so he is coming out next week to take it, what I am worrying about is the effect this will have on the relationship. The children weren’t there at the time my oldest was at nursery and youngest was at my MIL’s. I’m scared of the outcome. Can anyone advise me of what they think the outcome will be. As I’ve mentioned before the police have never been called to my property before and I am scared that his previous offences which were almost 6 years ago will be used against him. He is in no way shape or form that type of person we have our arguments but this is the first an will be the last time he ever raises his hands to me. I currently can’t have contact with him because he is on bail. He’s still seeing the children. The police kept asking me if I was scared of him I told them no because I’m not and never have been. They also asked if he could see the children and I said yes of course he’s no danger to me or them children. Does anybody have any clue on the outcome of the situation. My oldest son isn’t biologically his and he took him on and did what I thought no man would ever do. I am retracting my statement next week and just wondered what the our come may be? I’m so scared they’re going to put conditions in place that we can’t see each other or have contact and that he’s going to go to prison. I have told the police that all I want him to do is get help for his anger. Please help!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Bellabou

Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be responding to your post today.

I am sorry to hear of your situation. Understandably, you have mixed emotions and are trying to process and make sense of the situation you and your children are facing.

You were assaulted by your partner and was physically harmed. The police were called, your partner was arrested and bailed with conditions not to contact you. You partner has previous history of assaulting his ex partner. You made a statement but now wish to retract this. You are worried about the impact of this on your relationship with your partner. The police will be visiting you next week to discuss. Whilst your partner cannot contact you due to bail conditions, he can still have contact with the children who were not present at the time of the incident.

You do not say in what capacity children’s services are involved. I will assume there is an ongoing Section 47 enquiry. I have added a link HERE to information regarding this type of assessment. Once completed it will make recommendations regarding what type and level of support children’s services feel is necessary to safeguard the children. I have added information HERE and HERE regarding child in need plans and child protection plans.

If you withdraw you statement, the case might still go to court if the police think they have enough evidence to prosecute you partner. If you want to withdraw your statement because you are worried about the consequences from your partner or about giving evidence, you should tell the police how you feel. There are safeguarding measure that can be put in place. Please see HERE
for further information regarding this.

Children’s services will be assessing your ability to keep your children safe from harm. This includes emotional as well as physical harm. They are very likely to recommend that you engage with domestic abuse support services and that your partner engages with perpetrator support services. I have added a link HERE to Woman’s Aid. They are a national organisation that support women who have been victims of domestic abuse. They provide telephone and online advice, alongside a discussion forum and domestic abuse awareness programmes. I have added a link HERE to the Freedom Programme. The Freedom Programme examines the roles played by attitudes and beliefs on the actions of abusive men and the responses of victims and survivors. The aim is to help them to make sense of and understand what has happened to them, instead of the whole experience just feeling like a horrible mess. The Freedom Programme also describes in detail how children are affected by being exposed to this kind of abuse and very importantly how their lives are improved when the abuse is removed.

This link HERE is to an organisation called RESPECT. This organisation supports perpetrators in the early stages of abuse, and those using high harm behaviours. The offer awareness programmes and support for your partner.

I hope you find this information useful.  Should you wish to speak to an adviser please call our free advice line: 0808 801 0366 (Mon to Fri 9.30a.m. – 3.00p.m) excluding bank holidays. Or, you can of course, post again here.

Best wishes, Suzie