SGO-lies-contact

[Table cloth]

I will try and break down the background as much as possible
My son is turning 5 in October, he has lived with paternal uncle and aunt since he was 10 weeks old.
At 10 weeks old he suffered from a subdural hematoma and bilateral retinal hemorrhaging. This was ruled as NAI and myself and my son's Dad where both placed in the pool of perpetrators, there was NO fact finding hearing - I feel I was bullied into agreeing to this. It would have been impossible for me to have caused these injuries within the timeframe the experts gave. Although I also feel it was not thoroughly investigated as to any organic causes including the fact he wasn't tested for Ehlos Danlos Syndrome despite this being a big cause of subdural hematomas in infants. I was extreamly mentally unwell at the time all of this was happening, after court proceedings finished I almost succeeded in ending my life and was hospitalised under section.

I have always been cautious of my son's uncle and aunt, when he was in my care they would demand that I let them babysit, would never ask permission to pick him up, since before he was born they almost treated him as their baby and when I asked them to back off this caused arguments, I felt worried that they wanted to take my baby from me due to a number of reasons including them phoning social services and telling them I was psychotic when that was far from the case - I was well and engaging with MH services. My son's Dad was too scared of his mother to say anything about these situations. Eventually I stopped contact with my son's aunt as it was effecting my mental health, I kept contact with my son's paternal grandmother despite having similar issues with her and her always being on the aunts side. It's very hard for me to explain all of these issues.
Fast forward to now.
Paternal uncle and aunt have an SGO, contact was set in the final order at once per year initially but to be constantly reviewed - they refuse to review the contact arrangements, despite my messeges to them being nothing but polite and child focused the only response I was met with was "we won't change from what the court said" and then I am immediately blocked. I now have no way to contact them.
I have revived comments from paternal grandmother over the years such as "we where always going to make sure they got *son*" and "this has all worked out perfectly as they wanted" for reference the aunt cannot have more children of her own and always said she wanted a boy to "complete her family"

I have requested updates on his health and development multiple times and only once got back "his speech is better, he is 9 months behind" this was in response to my emailing grandmother who supervises the once per year contact requesting an update before the next contact as prior to the previous year we hadn't been informed of his delays and I felt this could have impacted contact.
I have asked multiple times over the years if they would be willing to go to mediation with me but they have refused.
Recently I was at Pgrandmothers house feeding her pets while she was on holiday. I took this opertunities to use her computer which was logged into Facebook to collect photos of my son from his aunt's page as I'm blocked from this and this was the only way I could get a recent photo - however I found some very shocking watsapp messeges between grandmother and aunt where they discussed not allowing me information on his health and development and them being worried about giving me "too much information" - I am concerned now that they are hiding things about his health from me (is there anything I can do about this)
Messeges that also distressed me where around them discussing upcoming contact including "roll on it being over for another year" and PG stating she would never let him out of her site and even took him to the loo with her (which is untrue, she continually left him and myself unsupervised on multiple ocations to go for cigarettes.

I am extreamly worried about Sons emotional health and development as this situation continues, for instance he is now approaching 5 years old and thinks these are his parents, last contact he was confused when I reffered to myself as Mummy. I feel this situation that my son is unfairly in is hugely detrimental to his emotional development and the once yearly contact does not serve its purpose as allowing him to maintain relationships with his birth parents, nor does it provide the stability around these relationships he needs to be able to form secure attachments to the adults in his life that care about him. If this continues I'm concearned for the ramifications it could potentially have for his relationship with the SGs further down the line when he grows up to realise he has been lied to his whole life.

I so despiratly wanted us to work on and build relationships between all the adults that would allow us to put our differences and the past aside and work together for the best possible outcomes for Son but despite my trying for years to even have a conversation or invite the idea of mediation I don't see any hope of this situation changing. Especially as each year PG uses contact as a way to get what she wants from me, uses treats to not do the contact, say things such as "you need me or it'll be extreamly expensive for you to see son" if I don't do her favours. I am despirate, I have asked the LA to speak to the SGO team but they have said they only have the assesment team or the team that supports carers. I really don't know where to go from here.

Just to add, I have made changes to my life, I have continued to engage with the MH team, including psychology and my diagnosis have been reviewed and it turns out I actually have autism which is why in the begining when I was under so much stress my communication was not what it should have been. I have been to emotional coping skills groups, I haven't harmed myself in any way for over 2 years, I can provide the consistent relationship with my son that I have been seeking.
Please any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Table cloth

I am sorry to read about your issues around contact and communication with the special guardians of your son and the difficulties you have in obtaining information about your son’s health and developmental progress.

We have an advice sheet on our website which might be helpful to you, it is called Special Guardianship: information for parents and it can be found here. It has some practical about what a parent might do when there are disagreements between themselves and a guardian, see page 5.

I hope it will be helpful to you.

Best wishes

Suzie