How to get my son out of foster care

[Greeneyedgirl]

Hi all, I wonder if someone can help me or advise me. My 14 year old Son has been in care since he was 4 years old. I was unable to get him back so he went into long term Fostering. His first foster carers abused him physically and mentally and he is suffering with the trauma of that aswell as suffering with ADHD and ODD and is showing traits of Autism although not been assessed yet. He had been moved from several placements for one thing or another. The precious carers also abused him and the carers father tried to strangle my Son. I have no idea why and I've asked my Son and his social worker but neither have told me. My son constantly calls me complaining about the carers especially the new ones with all their rules and he doesn't particularly get on with the Foster girl that is there.
I have tried to better my situation since I lost him, I've participated in multiple parenting courses aswell as Therapies. I am in a good place now, mentally and my circumstances have changed significantly. I am in a healthy loving and stable relationship with my partner and we have a 1 year daughter whom was subject to a child protection plan due to my history and has now been downgraded to child in need. The social worker for her has been amazing and is going to close my daughters case as there are no concerns which I'm over the moon about. I'm really sad about my Son. He has gone through so much trauma and abuse in his short life and has so many issues. I don't know how to help him, sometimes I think I make it worse. We have supervised contact once every 2 months for 3.5 hours which I find ridiculous. It has been over 10 years and I still need to be supervised to see my Son. I don't think it is right. Nor do I think it's right how the current social worker is treating me. He is useless. I've asked many times for answers to specific questions but have not had a response. I'm not included in any aspect of my Sons life and I'm apparently not allowed to converse with his current carers, which I find odd as I've always had direct contact with previous Foster carers for updates. As I mentioned above my son has endured a great deal of abuse whilst in care and has been moved to several placements for one thing or another. It is affecting his mental health and I think he needs professional help and some form of CBT and other Therapies to help him deal with his past with me and with others. It breaks my heart to hear him so angry at the world and so unhappy. I truly believe that if he were to come home, he would be a lot happier. I know it would be difficult after all these years and with his 1 year old half sister but I am willing to do all I can to get him out of where he is and living a better quality of life with his family. Where do I start, how do I get my son back??

[Greeneyedgirl]

Sorry just to add that my son does see a therapist at CAMHS and the social services and police have investigated the abuse he has endured but I have not been given any information whatsoever. It feels like nothing has been done and he will receive no justice. I want to sue the Borough's social services in which I reside but I don't know if I have a leg to stand on. Can anyone help please?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Greeneyedgirl

Thank you for your two posts and welcome to our Forum.

I am sorry to read about your situation and the difficulties you are having with the contact arrangements in relation to your son. It might be helpful to you to have a conversation with your son’s social worker and ask for an assessment of your suitability to have your son back. You have said that you are caring for a daughter and there are no concerns about how you parent her.

When asking for an assessment it might be helpful if you asked your son’s social worker to be clear about the reasons for the continuing the supervised contact and if (or how soon) they might be able to provide unsupervised contact.

From what you write it may not be too difficult for you to prove that you have made significant changes in your life. Significant changes in your life may help you if you plan to ask a court to discharge the care order. Here is a link to our webpage about bringing care orders to an end.

You may also want to approach the Independent Reviewing Officer (IRO) and speak to them about your plans and hopes to be reunited with your son.

You mentioned your concerns about your son’s mental well-being. Here is a link to a charity called Young Minds. The NHS has information on its site about ADHD, here is a link to their website. If your son is able to express his ‘needs’ and concerns about his situation, an advocate might be able to help him to do this. These two services may be able to help, Coram Voice, and the National Youth Advocacy Service (NYAS). Another means of support may be found from the Children’s Commissioner, their Help at Hand service supports children who are in care.

I hope this information is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Greeneyedgirl]

Hi Suzie,

Thank you so much for your reply and all of the information you have provided. I will have a good read and get a plan together. I have already spoken to the IRO and we have a LAC meeting scheduled for the 21st of September so I may bring it up again in that meeting.

Have a wonderful week.

[benion]

I know you want your son out of care, however you need to take this one step at a time. The first thing that you must do is get an increase in hours contact. You can always apply to court for this, however I would recommend in the first instance you write to the head of children's services explaining the situation as eloquently as you have done here. If that fails, it is court. Try and build up the number of hours and then get unsupervised. Do this in a gradual fashion.

[Greeneyedgirl]

Thank you so much for your advice. I will infact try this approach first as it seems more realistic.