Hi my name is xxxx. Am desperate for help. In December 2021 my ex husband sent me to kenya to visit my sick father. In that time he brought a 22 year old to live in my house with my three sons there ages 9 8 and 5. When I came back he sent divorce papers.
Social services got involved as he made my 9 year old son keep reporting me for lies to school and threatening him he will not be allowed into the house if he dint report me. I also live with my ex mother in law as the marital house is 50 hers and 50 my ex's
A few months later I lost my father in kenya. This was so traumatic and I was alone to deal with this as I have no family here in UK.
My older son has become extremely violent with me .. beating me. Taking knives almost hurting me. Police have been called on 4 occasions for his violence and aggressive behaviour.
Social services have now put me on PLO.
We have a family conference and am really worried I will loose my children to my ex's family which will hurt me more as they have stopped talking to me and am afraid they will manipulate my sons more.
Please advice. Am struggling handling this situation on my own.
My ex also makes my mother in law constantly call police for false allegations so I also have adult social services. .
My ex's girlfriend was arrested for harrasing me and the children and given a caution .
Am really worried on the future
PLO and stressed
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: PLO and stressed
Dear Sugar12345678901,
Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.
You say that you have 3 sons, aged 9, 8 and 5. In December 2021, your ex-husband services you with your divorce papers. You say that your ex-husband made your 9 year old son report lies about you to his school, which resulted in in children's services becoming involved. You currently live in the marital home with your ex-mother in law, who owns half the home. Since then, you have sadly experienced the loss of your father, and you say that you older son has become violent towards you and that you have had to call the police on 4 occasions. The local authority have initiated pre-proceedings. There is going to be a family conference, and you are concerned that you will lose your children to your ex-husband's family. You say that your ex-mother in law has phoned the police falsely and you are now known to children's services. You are worried about the future.
Firstly, I am sorry to hear about the distress you are experiencing. This sounds like a complex, chaotic and difficult situation, and it appears that the local authority are concerned about how yours and your ex-husband's relationship may be causing harm to your children. They have now initiated pre-proceedings, also known as PLO. This refers to the procedures that children’s services must follow if they are thinking about starting care proceedings. You should have received a letter before proceedings, outlining children's services concerns, and requesting that you get a solicitor. The local authority should hold a PLO meeting - you do not mention whether this has happened yet. This is meeting attended by you, your solicitor, the local authority and the local authority's solicitor. You will discuss the local authority's concerns, and a plan will be developed with steps that you should take to address the concerns and any assessments that should be carried out. The pre-proceedings process is a chance for parents and children’s services to work together. The aim is to get to a point where children’s services are satisfied that the parents can care for their child safely. You can read more about the PLO process here.
You say that you are worried that your children will be removed from your care. The local authority cannot remove your children against your consent unless they have an order from the court. If things do not improve during the PLO process, they may initiate care proceedings and apply to the court to do this. If they get a court order, they may place the children with your ex-husband or with other family members if they think this is safe. They may also place your children into foster care if there are no friends or family who are suitable options.
Alternatively, children's services may recommend to your ex-husband that he keep the children in his care, if they have concerns about your capacity to care for them. If he has parental responsibility, he is able to do this. He may also considering applying to the courts himself for a child arrangements order.
You mention that there is going to be a family conference. I am presuming that you are referring to a family group conference.
A family group conference is a family-led meeting in which the family and friends network come together to make a plan for a child. This may include how you and your ex-husband can interact in the best interests of your children or how other friends and family within the wider network can support the children. Family group conferences can be very useful in supporting families to make safe and relevant plans to safeguard children. You may find it helpful to read more here.
You say that you are finding it difficult to navigate this situation and that you are worried about the future. It is important that you are able to access support from those around you and that you engage with services that may be able to guide you through some of the challenges that you are facing. Remember, that if you would like to talk to someone confidentiality about how you are feeling, you can contact the Samaritans at any time on 116 123.
I hope you have found this helpful.
Best wishes,
Suzie.
Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.
You say that you have 3 sons, aged 9, 8 and 5. In December 2021, your ex-husband services you with your divorce papers. You say that your ex-husband made your 9 year old son report lies about you to his school, which resulted in in children's services becoming involved. You currently live in the marital home with your ex-mother in law, who owns half the home. Since then, you have sadly experienced the loss of your father, and you say that you older son has become violent towards you and that you have had to call the police on 4 occasions. The local authority have initiated pre-proceedings. There is going to be a family conference, and you are concerned that you will lose your children to your ex-husband's family. You say that your ex-mother in law has phoned the police falsely and you are now known to children's services. You are worried about the future.
Firstly, I am sorry to hear about the distress you are experiencing. This sounds like a complex, chaotic and difficult situation, and it appears that the local authority are concerned about how yours and your ex-husband's relationship may be causing harm to your children. They have now initiated pre-proceedings, also known as PLO. This refers to the procedures that children’s services must follow if they are thinking about starting care proceedings. You should have received a letter before proceedings, outlining children's services concerns, and requesting that you get a solicitor. The local authority should hold a PLO meeting - you do not mention whether this has happened yet. This is meeting attended by you, your solicitor, the local authority and the local authority's solicitor. You will discuss the local authority's concerns, and a plan will be developed with steps that you should take to address the concerns and any assessments that should be carried out. The pre-proceedings process is a chance for parents and children’s services to work together. The aim is to get to a point where children’s services are satisfied that the parents can care for their child safely. You can read more about the PLO process here.
You say that you are worried that your children will be removed from your care. The local authority cannot remove your children against your consent unless they have an order from the court. If things do not improve during the PLO process, they may initiate care proceedings and apply to the court to do this. If they get a court order, they may place the children with your ex-husband or with other family members if they think this is safe. They may also place your children into foster care if there are no friends or family who are suitable options.
Alternatively, children's services may recommend to your ex-husband that he keep the children in his care, if they have concerns about your capacity to care for them. If he has parental responsibility, he is able to do this. He may also considering applying to the courts himself for a child arrangements order.
You mention that there is going to be a family conference. I am presuming that you are referring to a family group conference.
A family group conference is a family-led meeting in which the family and friends network come together to make a plan for a child. This may include how you and your ex-husband can interact in the best interests of your children or how other friends and family within the wider network can support the children. Family group conferences can be very useful in supporting families to make safe and relevant plans to safeguard children. You may find it helpful to read more here.
You say that you are finding it difficult to navigate this situation and that you are worried about the future. It is important that you are able to access support from those around you and that you engage with services that may be able to guide you through some of the challenges that you are facing. Remember, that if you would like to talk to someone confidentiality about how you are feeling, you can contact the Samaritans at any time on 116 123.
I hope you have found this helpful.
Best wishes,
Suzie.
Who is online
In total there is 1 user online :: 1 registered, 0 hidden and 0 guests (based on users active over the past 2 minutes)
Most users ever online was 37 on Wed Jun 17, 2026 3:50 pm