Advice needed

[elvis_Herb26]

Hello Everyone

Just some general advice please and any thoughts/feedback would be appreciated, thanks.
I have two children aged 8 and 10, currently under an ICO (they are living with my partner's sister at the moment). My queries are in relation to the supervised visits which we had over the summer holidays. They were held with our Social Worker being the professional in attendance.
On three occasions we met in local restaurants for meals with the children. During the first one, the SW did not eat with us (sat adjacent) but was very "overbearing" in her approach. We were told even before we spoke to the children or said "hello" to them, not to promise them gifts we could not follow up on (put a negative vibe on things before we started). She was constantly inputting in our conversations throughout the meal and trying to get my daughter to repeatedly use felt tip pens which she had brought (I had brought our own colouring stuff with us). She just would not leave us alone to talk to the children. Small point but she was dressed in a very low cut dress and was show her underwear (bra) throughout the meal. She made a big fuss to staff in the pub when they wanted to take her drinks order (saying things like "I can't leave the table at all") and made them come to her. It was embarrassing.
The next session was worse, This time my adult daughter joined us and the SW was very over-friendly with her as they had both studied in London. The SW insisted on being seated at our table and ordered a 2 course meal meaning that she ate with us. She was extremely "hyper" and again, joining in with every conversation. I was so fed up that I didn't speak for about half an hour. The worse point was when she was showing on her personal mobile phone pictures of a dessert called "slutty brownie", this was in front of my young children. She kept mentioning it out loud and it was deeply uncomfortable. She was "on a roll" though and I couldn't wait to leave. Not content with ruining the meal she then interjected when I wanted to buy my son a couple of wrestling figures in a toy shop, basically she told him "that he didn't need them this week". She literally stood in between my son and myself so I couldn't but them. To top it off, my children wanted a drink before going home and she barged in the shop with us, buying a huge can of Monster energy drink!!
The next visit she had to eat with us again but neither of my two daughters wanted to come (no surprise after her behaviour).
Her actions have completely ruined precious time with our children, I feel so anxious that I've had to pull out of visits since then.
Is this normal do you think? to have so much input and be eating with us during family time? Should she not have her lunch beforehand? Why was she discussing "slutty" brownies?
I have complained to her manager but it was just brushed under the carpet because she knows the children and was being "friendly". I want to take the complaint further as she has caused me great anxiety. She is a newly qualified SW by the way and seems over confident (just my own opinion though)
Thank you and sorry it's a bit lengthy!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear elvis_Herb26,

Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.

You say you have 2 children, aged 8 and 10, who are subject to an interim care order. Over the summer holiday, you had contact with the children, supervised by the social worker. Three of these visits were held in a restaurant and you say that you are concerned about the social worker's contact during this time. You found the social worker to be overbearing, overly-familiar and inappropriate. You say that this has caused you anxiety and has impacted on the quality of the visits. You have complained to the manager but feel this has been brushed under the carpet.

Firstly, it may be useful for you to request a meeting with the social worker in order to discuss how contact visits will happen and to agree upon certain things beforehand, such as how involved the social worker may be and whether or not gifts are to be exchanged. These arrangements should be recorded in your children's care plan and reviewed at looked after child reviews. You may also want to express some of your worries to the social worker directly and in a constructive way, in order to agree upon how things could be changed for the better during future visits.

If you are unhappy with the social worker's response, you can raise this with the team manager, as you have already done. It appears that you are not satisfied with the response the manager gave you. If you have made a formal complaint already, you can escalate this to stage 2, and further. For more information on making a formal complaint and escalating complaints, take a look here.

You may also wish to raise concerns about how contact is being facilitated with the independent reviewing officer (IRO) at the next looked after child review.

Finally, it may be useful for your children's views about contact to be represented, both to the social worker or to the IRO, in discussing and agreeing contact arrangements. If your children do not already have an advocate, you may want to suggest that one is arranged for them.

Best wishes,

Suzie.