Unsure what to do

[worriedmum81]

Just a quick summary before I go into detail. I had 6 children. Back in 2012 I lost them all to the local authority. The youngest 2 got adopted. The older 4 into long term foster care. There was a spiral of events and since had verbal admissions off social workers that none of it should have happened.
10 years later my life is completely different. My eldest son came home at 15 and still lives with me now at 21, my 19 year old daughter sees me when she wants unsupervised (but needs permission off carer and given a curfew for returning), my 17 year old son is allowed to see me but I am not yet allowed his phone number so must still organise through his carer. My younger daughter I see once a month, still supervised even though it has been stated repeatedly that it doesnt need supervised and that I am not a danger to my children.
Now what I am trying to wrestle with is how to get a more normal relationship with my younger children with the older childrens carer releasing some of her control over them and how to get the unsupervised contact that was agreed (there was never a reason given for changing back to supervision and is described in a previous post). But the big thing that worries me is how my children are now telling me things that there carer has said about me to them which my daughter said she feels really hurt her and made her mot trust me for a long time.
Apparently ever since my children moved there they were told not to trust me, that I am manipulative and from what both the children (17 and 19 year old) have said that my name now is a running joke amongst the carers and their grown up family for all forms of negative stuff. The carer told my daughter I must have stayed in a secret relationship with her dad after I found out he was sexually abusing her, because I got pregnant. But I got him arrested the same day and would rather die than have stayed with him. I found out I was pregnant a week after his arrest and my daughter had to sit down and work out the dates to prove to herself ifbi was lying or not.
She told me they deliberately make her upset by talking about how all my family "work for beans" because we all work in poorer paid industry's, I am a manager in the care industry,my sister works for the nhs, my mum was a nurse and my partner has his own buisness so we all work hard. She says she tells them how proud she is of us all but they constantly belittle her for it and imply that she will end up like me. She agreed to stay living there as she dowant want her brother left on his own with the carers as they are really close, and the carers want her to stay because they both have autism (high functioning) so they get a disabled payment for looking after them. I feel that with minimum. support she could get her own place but her social worker said not to rock the boat this late in the day. Any thoughts?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Worriedmum81,

Welcome to the parents' board.

You say in your post that you have 6 children - 2 of your children were adopted in 2012 and the older 4 were taken into long-term foster care. Since then, things have changed; your eldest child returned to you at the age of 15; you have unsupervised contact with your 19 year old; contact with your 17 year old organised through his foster carer; and supervised contact once a month with your youngest child. You say that you would like a more 'normal' relationship with your younger children and for the unsupervised contact that was agreed to take place. You also say that you have concerns about their foster carer and some of the things she has allegedly said about you and your family.

It is understandable that you may have concerns about your children's foster carer given some of the information that has been given to you. It is not clear from your post whether you have reported these to the social worker, but any concerns such as these should be communicated to the allocated social worker and to the team manager. You may find it helpful to request the local authority's policy on how safeguarding concerns about a foster carer are treated, which will make any next steps clearer - this may include an investigation and possibly moving your children to another placement. Additionally, you can also bring these concerns to the attention of the independent reviewing officer (IRO).

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.