Waiting 14 months for police investigation to conclude...

[Xr2222]

Hi all.

I posted back in July explaning my situation.
I was arrested in August 2021 at my home for possession and distribution of iioc. This was by me using my phone on an online chat platform. They took away all electronic devices to be checked.
Sadly the offending happend some 8months prior to my arrest, and it took the police months to deal with it, by which time I had just moved house and was expecting another baby with my wife.
I had a long term porn addiction which I had always struggled to deal with, that I've had since I was young, and I regret it getting to this stage. I'm out of it now and never ever want to go back to any of it.
The knock at the door came a complete shock, and has destroyed my entire life. I have lost my full-time job, my marriage my house and I have just started to see my children who are both under 3 and they live miles away from me as my then wife moved away with them one week after everything kicked off.
I now live in a flat, I have no full time work but I'm trying to get work where I can through agencies.
I see my kids for 2 hours every 4-6 weeks. My ex wife has agreed to meet me with them in a neutral place, usually a park or a cafe.i need to take another adult with me at her request after advice she's been given to her by CS who are not involved as she has moved away. But they advised that due to the investigation it finished yet, that they dont know the risks. So she's following advice even though she's knows I would never ever harm my children or any child. I never acted out , it was images I saw and has never ever been something I wanted to take further.
After everything went bang I contacted stop it now, and I've been in a course through them with regards to my offending behaviour and I also am part of SAA.

I have just learned this week that the case which is almost 15months ago now will be at least another 6months as its in a review stage with a police sergeant, and will be passed on to the cps to make a decision wether im charged or not.
I have often thought about suicide and I've got support from various people. I'm on anti depressants and I'm trying to survive this horrendous ordeal.
I'm in a state of limbo, my wife filed for an online divorce a few months ago after deciding she cannot go back with me and has got another house now with our children and will be bringing them up herself with her family's support.
I'm a total stranger to my one child who wasn't born when my wife moved away. So she doesn't know I'm her dad. My other child has more understanding I'm his dad. The entire situation is horrific, the length of time taken with the investigation has been ridiculous and hasn't helped any of us. Two sets of family's, parents siblings aunts uncles, cousins has been so badly affected by a total mess. It could be gettig in for over 2 years until I know an outcome amd a sentence if that's what will happen.
I can't fix any of it and I have a huge ordeal to face ahead of me. I just don't know how to get through this time.

Any advice is welcome, or if anyone else is facing a similar situation to me, please pm me. I'd be happy to chat.
I'm fearful for my own future, but also the damage it's done to my relationships with my children.
I only see them for two hours because my ex has said that's all she can manage due to her own emotional state.
She has told me that longer term she feels unable to continue meeting me, and would rather it be in a contact centre which costs me 75pounds an hour and they only do up to two hours which would be 150. Plus the cost of the me getting there and back in fuel would cost me 250quid to see my kids in a room supervised for two hours every 6 weeks. I just can't believe my life has come to this.

[Toughlife]

Hi
I read your message last July and wrote a reply.
I told you that I was in a similar situation and my offence was sexual communication with a minor (an adult was pausing as a teenager in an adult chat room). It was my fault and I lost my career that I loved and I had worked so hard. Luckily my wife and kids stood by me and a few friends that I will live to be grateful.
The police investigation took 5 months, I was charged and convicted. I am in the register for 10 years. The waiting time was hell and if your case goes to the crown court, local news will write about you. Be prepared for that.
I felt suicidal as well. My family and a few friends supported me.
I was in antidepressants as well for 4 months.
Now am working, long hours to make up more money and social services have closed our file and I have full unsupervised access to my kids.
Have faith and take each day as it comes. Find a close friend who you can lean on. Friends will walk away from you but that means they were not friends in the first place.
Let me know if this helps.
Don’t take your life, you are more than that. We made stupid decisions and there is a price to pay. Think about your kids and even if you don’t live with them, tone will come when they will let you stay with them or take them somewhere on your own.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Xr2222

Welcome back to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your updating post.

I am sorry to hear that the police investigation into your alleged possession and distribution of child sexual images has not yet been concluded and that it may take at least 6 more months to complete. I can understand how frustrating and distressing it is for you that this process is taking such a long time.

The situation is understandably taking its toll on you emotionally and is causing you to struggle. I am glad to hear that you have support around you and that you are accessing treatment and medication from your GP. You have also engaged with Stop it Now and are part of a peer support network too.

Another father, who has been in a similar situation and struggled with some of the same difficulties as you, has already posted to offer you encouragement and practical advice, including availing of support from your friends and family. This is helpful.

In addition, as well as your GP, there are a number of specialist organisations that can also provide emotional support and mental health advice; it is a good idea to seek professional help, as and when you need to. Please see the following links for services that will listen to you and discuss any worries or needs that you have:

Samaritans
SOS
Mind
CALM
Shout

I hope this helps.

At the moment, children’s services are not involved as they are satisfied that your wife and you are complying with safe arrangements for you to see your two young children. As I advised in my response to your previous post, once the outcome of the police investigation is known, children’s services should complete a risk assessment to identify risk and potential risk. This will inform their next step (if any) regarding their involvement. As a father with parental responsibility children’s services will need to involve you when/if they are working with your children.

You are continuing to see your children with your wife supervising and another responsible adult present. This happens every 4 – 6 weeks for a couple of hours and you have to travel some distance as your wife and family have moved away. I can see that it is hard for you that you are not able to see your children more often. You are also worried that the children’s mother is suggesting that contact will need to take place in a contact centre in the future which will have significant cost implications for you. The National Association of Child Contact Centres may be a useful resource for you and a fathers’ service may be able to give you further advice too. You can also contact Child Law Advice for private law advice.

I hope this information is useful to you.

Please do post again if you have any queries about children’s services. If you prefer to speak to an adviser please call our freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366. The lines are open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m., Mon to Fri.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Just_keep_moving]

Dear Xr2222,

I feel your pain.

My limbo has been going on now for more than 3 YEARS! and as it is, currently, awaiting a CPS decision regarding potential possession/making of CAT C indecent images. They said it could take up to 3 months, 10 months on and still no more news......It's ridiculous.
The waiting game is the hardest part, but leaning on the few people you know you can trust will provide a glimmer of hope through the dark tunnel that seems to go on endlessly.

I wonder whether, when I am charged, if child services will reopen the case again since they already did a risk assessment 2 years ago and said I was ok to see my child unsupervised. I've been honest and open about the offence throughout, but it's the police/CPS dragging their heels. (No doubt blaming the backlog on Covid).

The change in the process from continuous bail to the RIU (released under investigation process) has a lot to say for itself, as it leaves victims and defendants in a constant state of limbo until the police can be bothered to conclude it. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression. Having said that if it is your first offence then a suspended/community order is more likely to be the outcome. I'd speak to Safer Lives charity. X and Y have been a massive help and their advice has been amazing.
I completely understand where you're coming from. PM me any time if you want to have a chat.