Local Authority. Full time care- only contact :-(

[FGT676]

Hi I have posted a few times. Unfortunately judge ordered children stay with their father full time and progress to overnight stays. It was my understanding this would progress to shared care but childrens services are saying its 1 overnight stay for the rest of the children's lives. The judge said if things didn't progress than I can apply to vary in march. All I have to do is finish my course and keep proving myself. Unfortunately my ex is controlling and he is saying he's keeping them full time for the rest of their lives. Childrens services are not helping me and I feel so lost and like I don't want this life. Please is there any way I can progress to 50/50 and for him not to be able to control me through our children. Childrens services do not like me for putting complaints in and have not dealt with things properly. I can't give up.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear FGT676

Welcome back to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your updating post.
I am sorry to hear that the outcome of the private law case about your children was that they should remain in their father’s care.

I understand that this is distressing. If you are struggling emotionally your GP should be able to offer you support so do get in touch with them. There are a number of other specialist services who can also provide emotional support and mental health advice such as the Samaritans, MIND and Calmzone. They can provide a listening ear and a space to discuss your feelings and worries. I hope this is helpful.

I think the court made a Child Arrangement Order to your ex-partner stating the children should live with him and a Child Arrangements Order to you setting out the time you should spend with them with a recommendation that this should progress to overnight stays.

You are understandably disappointed. However from what you say, the judge did suggest that you can apply to vary the order if things don’t progress. You were encouraged to complete a course that you are doing and to keep up the changes you have made. However, there is a discrepancy between your understanding of what might happen in the future and what Children’s Services and your ex-partner say. The court is the ultimate decision-maker though and you do have the option of going back to court in time to vary the order. We cannot advise on private law matters. You mentioned in previous posts that you had a solicitor representing you so do clarify with them their recommendation. If you need further private law advice in the future you can also contact Child Law Advice and Rights of Women. Child Law Advice provides information here about applying to vary or discharge a court order.

It is a good idea to focus on what you can do e.g. looking after your own wellbeing, finishing your programme, and enjoying the time you spend with your children. You will then be in a better position if you do consider going back to court.

You are worried that your ex-partner is controlling and uses the children to continue to control you; please consider getting in touch with a specialist domestic advice service such as the National Domestic Abuse helpline for support around this issue.

I can see that you have made complaints about how children’s services’ have worked with you and assessed the situation. I am unsure what stage your complaint is at but please see here for more information about the different stages.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Best wishes

Suzie

[KatKat10]

What was the actual conclusion of the judges decision? Did it state the frequency of the overnight stays. Was it once a week, once a month? Whatever the judge ruled, should be abiding by all parties. If you are being prevented from seeing your kids and the judges outcome is not being abided to, seek legal advise and go back to court. Keep records of all correspondence, including emails and text messages from you ex and the social workers, as this will act as evidence in court.

[FGT676]

The judge did not state how many nights etc. He put an assistance order in place for childrens services to help progress. I currently see our daughters 3 days a week.
Tuesday 3 until 6.30pm from school
Friday 3 until 6.30pm from school
Sunday 10.30am until 5.30pm

[KatKat10]

I would challenge this and quote the the human rights act on the right to family life. if the judge has said contact needs to progress to overnight stays this should be supported by the SS. Contact the SS and say if consideration is not being given to overnight stays, you will go back to the court. If they (the SS) cannot give a valid reason why overnight stays should not happen the judge will make that decision for them.