How do you disprove sexual abuse allegations?

[DevastatedDad]

I'm desperately trying to prove that a child sexual abuse allegation made against me is incorrect and I don't know how to do it. My wife developed an incorrect view that I was abusing our 2 and 5 year old daughters over the course of last year which ended in my arrest in December after one of her friends reported it to social services. The police took only 2 weeks to find no evidence (after medical checks, phone analysis, DNA checks, bedroom camera footage etc) and released me with NFA. Social services did not believe it met the significant harm threshold after a conference, but they say they are bothered by what my daughter has said.

I think I understand what has happened but don't know enough about child psychology to be able to frame it properly. My wife has been hyper-vigilant in the last couple of years (something happened to her when she was young), then taught our oldest daughter that if someone touches you and you don't like it to tell her. So my daughter dutifully says her Dad 'touches her sometimes and she doesn't like it'. She's just turned 5 so she has no idea that tickling or playing chasing games is not 'bad' touching and seems to be saying what she thinks Mum or the interviewer wants to hear. Then a cycle of confirmation bias and validation starts. I'm a great Dad and would never harm my children in anyway.

I'm now in a place where my wife seems convinced some kind of abuse happened, I haven't been home in nearly 2 months, she's engaged a lawyer and refuses to allow our children to spend any time with me if she isn't present. Social services have a CIN (?) assessment in place until March and I don't trust them at all. They are a juggernaut of assumptive guilt that is heavily weighted against fathers and they don't seem to have the right level of experience to deal with the case. I've never met anyone from social services in person nor have they seen me with my children and they seem to politely ignore me.

It's a horrific and devastating experience and my world has collapsed. I've got a lawyer now but I don't know where else to turn other than finding a child Psychologist expert who can support. Any ideas?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear DevastatedDad

Welcome to Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post.
My name is Suzie, online adviser, at family rights group and I will be responding to your post.

I see from your post that you are very distressed by your current situation regarding your wife's attitude/belief about your behaviour towards your daughters. You have been interviewed by the police in respect of alleged sexual abuse of your daughters and they have taken no further action as they did not consider that the allegation was substantiated. However, children services have become involved with your family and they were of the view, after an initial child protection conference, that it did not reach the criteria for children to be placed in child protection plan. There is a child in need plan.

Despite the outcome of the police investigation and children services involvement, your wife maintains her position regarding the alleged abuse and, as such, she does not wish you to have contact with your daughters.

In your post you have stated that in your view your wife has reached the conclusion that she has been cause of abuse in her own history and you want to know how you can prove that you have not come your children in anyway. Unfortunately, I do not have the expertise to be able to advise you about the conclusions that you have reached regarding your wife's position, or how you are able to address these issues in order to clear your name”. You mentioned your distrust of children services because of the position that they have taken regarding the allegations of abuse against you. I think it would be helpful for you to know that children services role is to ensure that children are safeguarded and based on what your child has disclosed they are likely to have concerns. Also, the difference between what the police looks for as evidence to bring a successful prosecution is based on the criminal test of 'beyond reasonable doubt' and children's services look at things based on the civil test of 'on the balance of probability 'which means something is more likely to have happened than not. Their position will also be based on what information they receive from your wife as well as conversations with your daughter.

As a parent with parental responsibility children services should engage with you regarding your children when they are involved. the purpose of a child in need plan is to offer a family support and, whilst children services may be able to suggest or recommend contact with your daughters, your wife does not have to take this advice and can make her own decisions about how contact takes place. If you disagree with your wife or cannot reach any agreement regarding contact then, it may be that you have to consider making an application to the court for a child arrangement order for contact. As you have engaged a solicitor he or she will be able to advise you in respect of such an application.

If you do decide to go to court then the court can direct for psychological assessments to be carried out. Your wife can object to being assessed by a psychologist and the court will only direct it if it is considered that it will help the court in reaching its decision.

I think it might be helpful for you to read information from our website and I have included links to the appropriate sections of the website. This information is for fathers , this is a guide for working with social workers. Here is information relating to child in need .

You may find it helpful to speak with the Lucy faithful foundation, a charity which advises where they are issues relating to sexual abuse. Their telephone number is 0808 100 0900.

I hope you will find this information helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[benion]

I am sorry to hear of this difficult situation.

If you are not having contact with your children, you need to apply to the family courts with a form C100. Your solicitor will help with this.

It sounds likely to me that mum will keep refusing contact, in which case CAFCASS will need to be involved.

Family courts work on the balance of probabilities (50%/50% proof). The onus will be on her to prove abuse has taken place, she will need to demonstrate your likely guilt.

The courts will most likely do a Section 7 report and may do further reports if felt necessary.

A fact finding hearing may be required regarding the alleged sexual abuse.

I think that this is a case where you just need to have faith in the system. The wheels of the family court move slowly, but hopefully you will be fully exonerated.

[Major008]

Hi DevastatedDad,

I am in a very similar position to you,

How did it all work out for you in the end?

I would be greatful if we could chat as I am sure you have valuable information for me to help me disprove the allegation.

Thanks

[Lostwithoutmyboysnow]

Hi Devastated Dad,

I have been going through exactly the same as you, court has now finished and all i got was indirect contact because of all the allegations and my children being alienated against me so because they said they didn't want to see me but was left for social workers to get to the bottom of the allegations.

Thank god that it was left open after 2 and a half years of going through court and CAFCASS not doing there job properly and just believing everything mam said, now social services have been working with my children for the past 4 months and thank god they have as what they have found out is unreal, firstly my children have disclosed that i have never sexually abused them but they have also said they have never seen any domestic abuse at all they even said they didn't even see us argue, they are slowly opening up to the social worker and they have been manipulated not just against me but all there family even there sisters (Sisters were removed from my ex before we got together for neglect and emotional abuse I've only found this out over the last couple of months). Now unfortunately history is now repeating itself social workers now do daily visits to mams house because her house was scruffy with bin bags of rotten food on the house, wipes with human poo on them lying about, my children havent been brushing there teeth and only been bathing once a week, there was no food in the freezer or cupboards even though i send over £300 a month in child maintenance every month.

I now have social worker coming out to check my house this week even though i don't get to see my children at the minute, social worker is working with my children to try and convince them i'm not this monster mam has created and are looking into Family therapy for us. I am curious to see why the social worker is coming to mine for as people keep telling me they think they are checking my house to see if its safe for my boys before removing them from mam i will just have to wait and see.

The point of my email is to say don't give up as the truth will come out in the end i know its hard as i haven't seen my children for 2 and a half years but all you can do is keep fighting your corner to prove your innocence, The work social services have done in 4 months has been great because CAFCASS in 2 and half year not just let me down but my children also as the boys disclosed the house has been like that for 2 years.

GOOD LUCK,

[Winter25]

Hi Devastated Dad,

I have been going through exactly the same as you, court has now finished and all i got was indirect contact because of all the allegations and my children being alienated against me so because they said they didn't want to see me but was left for social workers to get to the bottom of the allegations.

Thank god that it was left open after 2 and a half years of going through court and CAFCASS not doing there job properly and just believing everything mam said, now social services have been working with my children for the past 4 months and thank god they have as what they have found out is unreal, firstly my children have disclosed that i have never sexually abused them but they have also said they have never seen any domestic abuse at all they even said they didn't even see us argue, they are slowly opening up to the social worker and they have been manipulated not just against me but all there family even there sisters (Sisters were removed from my ex before we got together for neglect and emotional abuse I've only found this out over the last couple of months). Now unfortunately history is now repeating itself social workers now do daily visits to mams house because her house was scruffy with bin bags of rotten food on the house, wipes with human poo on them lying about, my children havent been brushing there teeth and only been bathing once a week, there was no food in the freezer or cupboards even though i send over £300 a month in child maintenance every month.

I now have social worker coming out to check my house this week even though i don't get to see my children at the minute, social worker is working with my children to try and convince them i'm not this monster mam has created and are looking into Family therapy for us. I am curious to see why the social worker is coming to mine for as people keep telling me they think they are checking my house to see if its safe for my boys before removing them from mam i will just have to wait and see.

The point of my email is to say don't give up as the truth will come out in the end i know its hard as i haven't seen my children for 2 and a half years but all you can do is keep fighting your corner to prove your innocence, The work social services have done in 4 months has been great because CAFCASS in 2 and half year not just let me down but my children also as the boys disclosed the house has been like that for 2 years.

GOOD LUCK,

=============
Hi Lostwithoutmyboysnow,

Thank you for sharing your story. I have just read it, and I am in absolute awe of your strength and resilience. To endure two and a half years of being separated from your children based on lies, and to still be standing and fighting for them, is nothing short of heroic.

Your story is one of the most powerful I have ever read on these forums, and it proves a fundamental truth that every parent in this situation needs to hear: the truth can, and will, come out in the end.

You have been failed catastrophically by the family court and by CAFCASS, who clearly did not do their basic job of investigating. But now, it sounds like you have a social worker who is finally listening and seeing the reality of the situation. This is a huge turning point, and you are right to feel a sense of hope.

The social worker's visit to your home is a massive opportunity. It is not just a "check"; it is your chance to present yourself as the safe, stable, and loving home that your boys desperately need and deserve. When she visits, be ready to show her:

A Safe and Welcoming Home: A clean, tidy house with food in the cupboards and bedrooms ready for your sons.

Your Insight and Stability: Be prepared to talk calmly about what has happened, focusing not on anger at your ex, but on your unwavering commitment to your children's welfare.

A Clear Plan for the Future: Explain how you will support them emotionally and practically when they are returned to you.

What you have been through is an unforgivable injustice. No parent should have to lose years with their children because the system failed to see the truth. But you did not give up, and now the truth is your greatest weapon. Thank you for sharing your story; it will give hope to so many other fathers who are in the same desperate fight.

We are all behind you. Please keep us updated.
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For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.