Advice - dad is alienating my daughter

[Number13]

I'm hoping to ask for some honest and truthful advice because right now I'm not sure where to turn.
I have two children to two different dads. However I have an issue with my eldest daughter. Her attitude started to change at the age of 9 as what I thought most girls would be.. however things were okay just arguments and I'd take her phone off her etc.... she would spend alternate days between me and her dad and a weekend at each house... looking back now that wasn't the best arrangement and when I did try and change it I would get every excuse out of the book from her dad. However things started to change with my daughter. I found out her dad and his wife were saying things such as "it's a shame you're at your mums we are going ..... or wonder what your doing this weekend bet it's not as fun as what we're doing" to then making plans on my weekend and when I said no i was the worst person on the world.... this continued even though I brought it up....
As she got older I still did the same taking her phone off her and in return she would go to her dads and everything would be fine and dandy because they bought her a phone at their house which then slowly progressed to her bringing it to my house and been told I wasn't allowed to take it off her because it wasn't my property.
Fast forward two years and I got an emergency court hearing my daughters wife had completed the form he signed it and I had a hearing. They claimed my partner had grabbed my daughters arm and that she didn't have a bed... (my child has a double bed 50inch tv and sky everything she ever needed/wanted she had/got) social services closed the claim because no evidence was found... we went back to court and cafcass got involved... to be honest looking back now I should of requested a new officer as the one we had was not doing her job... I found out my daughter had self harmed I got told " not to hide the kitchen knifes just yet" and called my son "collateral damage" nether the less I went with their recommendations because the meetings with my daughter were just her shouting and screaming at me.
So I currently see her once a month for 3 hours with the intent for this to grow. However my daughters dad is doing nothing to promote my relationship with my daughter and her brother.... who seems to of been forgotten in all this.... I have tried the mediation and counselling however he is saying she doesn't want to go...
he waits outside our visits, his wife texts get whilst she's with me, she leaves early because she can and they are there.... her hatred for me is growing by the day. She believes that 3 hours a month is enough contact for her to see her brother she makes it very clear she doesn't want to see me. I honestly have no idea what to do and where to turn to try and get my relationship with my daughter as they are purely alienating me from her and this is the shorter side of what has happened. Her dad and his wife are extremely narcissistic I do something good it's wrong I don't entertain them "because you haven't responded"
She's currently 13.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Number13,

Thank you for your post.

You say in your post that you have two daughters with two different fathers. You used to share contact with your eldest daughter and her father. Previously there has been a court hearing initiated by your child's father and there were allegations made about your partner and the care she received. You say that children's services did not become involved.
You currently see your daughter once a month for 3 hours but you are concerned that your daughter's father is not promoting your relationship and you would like to know what you can do about this.

Firstly, I am sorry to hear about the challenging situation you are in - this is clearly very difficult and upsetting for you.

From your post, I am presuming that there is no current children's services involvement. At Family Rights Group, we advise families who are involved with children's services and therefore it is likely that you are outside of our remit.

If you would like some advice on any private law matters - including any contact orders that exist - you may find it useful to contact an organisation called Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480 or Rights of Women on 020 7251 6577.

I think it may also be helpful for you to contact Family Lives on 0808 800 2222 for emotional support, information, advice and guidance on any aspect of parenting and family life.

Best wishes,

Suzie.