Extended family contact

[worriedmum81]

Long story short, I have my oldest son at home and 3 older children in ltfc. I see my children monthly, loosely supervised (although it's been said it should be unsupervised, the carers where worried I may say things to encourage them to come home, but they are 15-20 years old so they know it's very unlikely)
The children also get contact with my extended family during holidays. I'm not sure how supervised that is as my family dont really tell me much. The extended family were my parents (until my dad passed a few weeks ago), my brother my sister and my sisters son, who is 18.
I've often had concerns about the contact as my son who lives with me was banned by sw from seeing my sister unsupervised until he was 18, but they never explained why, but also because they dont seem to be aware what is and isnt appropriate to say to my children. But as they are family I've encouraged them to see each other as much as possible.
The problem I now have is that my 18 year old nephew has been arrested this week and questioned for the rape at knife point of a young girl. The accusation was from 4 years ago when he was 14 and the girl was about 9. I have said that I think my mum shouldnt allow him to attend the contact until it has been dealt with (he is currently on bail but said the only restriction is he isnt allowed to speak to the girl), or should let the sw or fc know so they can make a decision.
My mum and sister disagreed saying it wasnt fair to him and that sw didnt have to know. I found out today that not only did they have a contact with my kids yesterday, which he attended, but that he was also showing off about it and told my children the details so they will likely tell their carers.
I dont know what i should do for the best. Any ideas or advice?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear worriedmum81

Welcome back to the parents’ board and thank you for your post. I can see that you are worried that your children, who live with foster carers, had contact recently with their cousin who you understand is currently the subject of a criminal investigation into the alleged rape of a child at knifepoint; and that he is currently on bail. Your mother and sister allowed contact to happen, as they said that the social worker did not need to know. However, you had advised them not to allow your nephew to attend contact or to refer to the social worker or foster carer to make a decision about what should happen.

Your nephew is a person who may pose a risk of sexual harm to children. It is therefore a serious concern that children’s services were not informed of the current police investigation and that some of your family members decided to go ahead with contact, knowing the allegation, and without consulting with children’s services. There may be other bail conditions that you have not been told about. I am not sure of the exact ages of your children but at least one is 15 while others may be young adults or adults possibly with vulnerabilities. Children’s services, Leaving Care and Adult services (if involved) should have been notified and involved in the decision making around contact as the protection of children and vulnerable adults is a priority.

It is also worrying that your nephew was ‘showing off’ to your children about such a serious allegation. If this is the case, it seems that both your nephew, his mother and your mother have played down the situation and have not acted protectively towards your children as they purposely did not share this relevant information with social workers. They also disregarded your advice about this.

It is not clear if any supervision is in place when your children have contact with extended family members but from what you say, you have always had some concerns about this and it may be that it is unsupervised. You think that the children will have shared this information with their carers anyway. However, it is very important that you also proactively contact children’s services to let them know your understanding of the situation and that you were only made aware that contact had gone ahead after the event. I would suggest that you could do this by calling the social worker/s directly and following it up with an email. You have recognised the potential risk already but if you do not formally make the professionals aware of the situation then you would be involved in potentially putting your children at risk.

You may be interested in Parents Protect or the Stop it Now services who can provide further advice and information where there are concerns about child sexual abuse.

I hope this is helpful.

If you would like to speak with an adviser please call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, lines are open Mon to Fri from 9.30 am to 3.00 pm (except bank holidays) or you are welcome to post back here.

Best wishes

Suzie

[KatKat10]

Worriedmum81 - sounds like serious concerns with your extended family. I don't know the circumstances surrounding your contract, but if your family have undisclosed safe guarding issues this does need to be disclosed.