Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

My husbands ex partner is pregnant with his baby she has come forward to us asking us for the child to live with us the moment she is born and to raise her and she Wants minimal contact !
I am slightly concerned that we are going to have social services swarm us for this and eyebrows to be raised I am more than happy for the child to live with us and for us to raise her and so is my husband we are getting everything ready as we speak but I was wondering how we go about talking to midwife’s and health visitors because I have gone to every midwife appointment we have got a informal child arrangement agreement I was wondering if we needed to do anything else and how to communicate this with healthcare professionals

If you want this arrangement, then seek proper legal advice first. The mother might change her mind once the child is born or further down the line. If you can do it privately with consent by all parties and have an agreement in place, then that would be the sensible option going forward.

She has made it remarkably clear this is what she wants and the fact she isn’t ready to be a parent with the commitments and wants to move on with her new partner she has signed a informal child agrangment agreement do we need to tell the midwife or local authorities or will it be fine as my husband is the father?

Dear Smidge 1245

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your posts.

From your post it seems that both you and your husband wish to care for the baby that his former partner is expecting but you are concerned about children’s services (the new name for social services) becoming involved and what this might mean.

The midwife is likely to make a referral to children’s services about the arrangement, their role would be in respect of safeguarding, they would act on the referral to assess whether there are any issues of concern regarding the arrangements but if they have no safeguarding concerns or if the mother is making the decision with no pressure to allow the father to look after their child, they could decide that there is no need for them to be further involved. This link to our website explains the process when children’s services receives a referral. Children's services can make decisions regarding the unborn baby if they have any concerns, this could include the unborn baby being on one of two plans, child in need or child protection.

If the mother wishes you and your husband to have the baby living with you, is there an agreement that she will register the baby in his name? This would give him parental responsibility and, as such, a father with parental responsibility his child is able to live with him if agreed with mother. To ensure that you also share parental responsibility he could apply to the court for a child arrangement order that the child lives with him and you. Once you are named on the order this would give you parental responsibility which you would all share equally. Alternatively, both parents with parental responsibility could sign an agreement that you as a stepparent shares parental responsibility. This agreement signed and witnessed would be registered with the court.

Here is information about parental responsibility from our website, and also a link to agreement for a stepparent to share parental responsibility.

An informal agreement would not prevent the mother deciding that she wishes to have child live with her. She could go to court to ask for an order this and if your husband does not share parental responsibility, he could as the father challenge such an application, ask the court to grant him parental responsibility.
No court order would be made until the birth of the baby.

I have responded to your post but as children’s services is not involved it falls outside of our remit of our service as a private law matter. The service that advises on private law cases is Child Law Advice, their telephone number is 0300 330 5480 should you wish to have more information about your circumstances.

Should children’s services become involved you can post again or telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays). There is also a live webchat with an adviser via our website.

Hope you find this information helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie