Confused with everything

[SN2306]

Hi. I'm not sure how to put this but here goes. I had a call from the mash team about my partner. He was accused of sexual abuse on a 13 year old he was found not guilty. During this he was also found to have videos on his phone. He pleaded guilty to and is on the barred list for possession of extreme photos. These videos are not of a child but adults. I have done sarahs law. I still have not heard from social services. I asked him to leave my home and go back to his untill this has been investigated. My question is I'm aware he was accused so he would be low risk. But still it's a risk. I would like to carry on my relationship with him and my children. But how I have cameras in the living room kitchen and out side the bedroom have put a rule in place no males including my son in the girls bedroom as well as no females in my boys room. What else can I put in to place. Any other advice would be amazing thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear SN2306

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I am sorry to hear about the current situation.

Children’s services are likely to become involved with your family due to concerns about your partner. He has been convicted of a sexual offence (in relation to adults) and was taken to court but not convicted on a charge of child sexual abuse. You mention that he is on the barred list. Do you mean in relation to employment e.g. as set out in this Unlock information? Is he also subject to notification requirements as part of the Sex Offenders’ Register?

Children’s services’ concerns relate to possible risk of sexual harm. You feel that your partner may be viewed as low risk as he was accused but not convicted of child sexual abuse. The burden of proof to convict someone is high in criminal cases i.e. beyond reasonable doubt. When it comes to protecting children, children’s services work with a lower threshold i.e. on the balance of probabilities. It is important therefore to be aware that their assessment may not be that he is low risk.

You are very aware that there is a risk. You have acted protectively by asking your partner to leave your family home until the risk has been assessed. You have taken the step of putting in cameras and restricting interactions between males and females in your children’s bedrooms.

You would like to continue your relationship with your partner. You are wondering what else you can do. It is good that you have already begun putting a safety plan in place. You may want to contact the Stop it Now helpline or the NSPCC for further advice about this. The Parents’ Protect website also provides advice about how to keep children safe.

You have not yet heard directly from children’s services, just from MASH. You could contact children’s services’ directly to ask them to let you know when/if they are planning to do an assessment. They should be aware of the impact of this situation on you and your family and be sensitive to this. You will need to let them know that you would like to remain in a relationship with your partner. They will work with you around your understanding of risk and safety planning too so it is good that you have already begun this process. Good communication is really important. This guide for working with a social worker provide some useful tips to this. Please see our child in need advice materials for more information about what to expect.

As the ‘non-offending’ partner, you may find the following support services to be helpful:

Talking Forward
Lucy Faithful Foundation’s Family and Friends forum.

I hope this is of help.

Please post back if you have a further query about children’s services’ involvement or if you prefer you can:

• Call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366. The lines are open Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, except bank holidays.
• Ask a question on our advice enquiry form
• Use our webchat service .

Best wishes

Suzie

[SN2306]

Sorry for late reply I couldn't sign in. No he's not on the sex offenders register. It's only for work related. I have since see and spoken to social. They are doin there investigation atm. They have spoken with my children's dad. While they where they had said he had child pictures on his phone. He has not and was not investigated or gulty of this offence. I cant see how social can say or do this. As she still has not spoken to the police. Where I have and no what is on his record. I thought this social worker was going to work and be honest with me. And I don't feel like this is goin to happen she has told me one thing and told my ex partner (kids dad) some thing else.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear SN2306

Thank you very much for your updating post. I am sorry to hear that you are disappointed with how the social worker is working with you.

Thanks for clarifying that your partner is not on the sex offenders’ register. He is on the Barred List though. As children’s services are involved I am assuming that he is on the Children’s Barred List? He could also be on the Adults’ Barred List. Have you seen a copy of your partner’s notification? This will clarify which list/s he is on and why. Being on a Barred List is a very serious matter as it clarifies that the person is a risk to vulnerable children or adults.

Since your earlier post, children’s services have been in touch with both you and your children’s father. They are, I believe, doing a child protection investigation. However, you should clarify this with the social worker. I know that this is a difficult and stressful time. The outcome of the investigation can have serious consequences. So keep working with everyone involved to show that you can care for the children safely at home.

You are concerned that there is a discrepancy between the information shared with you and with your children’s father. It is important that information is accurate. I can understand that conflicting information sends mixed messages and is not helpful. However, as the information is about your partner he can follow up any queries about what information is held about him. There may also be ‘intelligence’ about your partner that is not on his record which you are not aware of.

You can query with the social worker the differing accounts that you have and ask for clarification. However, it is really important for you as the children’s mother and main carer to show that you can focus on the children’s needs rather than your partner’s. The assessment will include looking at your protective capacity as well as any risk posed by him.

The children’s father will also want to be sure that his children are not put at any risk. If he becomes worried that they are not safe he could look at applying for the children to come to live with him. Children’s services would be asked to write a report and make a recommendation in this situation.

So the best thing is to make sure that you consider any concerns very carefully and ask the social worker to be clear with you about what they recommend you do and why. You will then be able to make an informed choice. And of course you can seek further advice, as and when you need to.

I hope this helps.

Please do get in touch again if you need further advice. You can post back, call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri,9.30 am to 3.00 pm, or use our webchat or advice enquiry facilities.

Best wishes

Suzie