Access to son

[CW1998]

After opinions.

My now seperated wife gave birth to our son in 2020.
At first, she showed no affection towards him. She would not cuddle, feed or show any 'motherly' affection.
She was lated diagnosed with Post-Natal depression.

In 2022 She started to claim to hear voices in her head. The voices were alledgely claiming to hurt me and my son.

I came home from work one evening, went into the kitchen and she produced a kitchen knife on me claiming the voices were telling her to hurt me and him.

A few months later, she asked for money because she had spent her wages. I refused, stating that I just have enough money to get to work. She then went outside and keyed my car. This was followed by my son walking up to her, her grabbing him by the bicep and dangling him whilst walking him back to the house (this was on video).

A few weeks later, my son 'ingested' cleaning products which resulted in an A&E admission. I explained them what I had been told by my ex. No harm was done.

We then had a visit from a social worker, who had no concerns but raised a concern that the mother in law was controlling in her behaviour (we lived with her).

A few weeks later, in a fit on rage she punched me twice to the face.

Nothing else much really happened until later that year when she just turned nastier. No violence but tried to convince me I was going insane - claiming that she had told me information when she had not.

In March this year I had worked a night shift. I came home early not feeling well around 4 am. My son wanted me to get up with him around 1000. I got up, after an hour I went back to bed. Around 1400 I was awoken to the ex screaming at my son. When I went downstairs, she told me to leave. This wasn't the first time. I left, came back an hour later. She had dead-locked the door.

After letter me in, she said that she didn't love me anymore (she was/is pregnant too) and had not for over a year (raises a question about why she wanted another child).

I had just paid all the bills so was left with no money. She said she didn't care and to sleep in my car...

I stayed with some friends and eventually got a flat near to where my son and her live. Everything was going well. I took him to the zoo and he had a great time (evidenced by pictures). During this time, I was video calling everyday and speaking to him.

She then stopped the video calls, claiming he was either in bed or they were out.

Around a week later she asked me to send my shifts, which I did. She said that I hadn't been sending the shifts (which I hadn't, had just changed teams which resulted in a new pattern). I sent the shifts, asked to see him on the weekend. She declined, saying he had plans on the Saturday. I asked to see him on the Sunday, she declined saying he sees his grandads on a Sunday- he does, but not until 1400. When I asked about that, she then claimed he was scared of me.

The ex then claimed Social Services were coming round in a few days. Social services visited and alledgelt told her not to let me see him.

I then receive a call from an early help worker. They state Social services have never been involved and they are dealing with it. They came round and spoke to me and had no concerns.

I then received a call from the police saying that my 2 year old with limited vocabulary had made allegations. I was interviewed and no further action was taken.

I suggested I had a couple of supervised visits , which the police agreed, for my own protection.

The ex was then provided with these details about centres. I asked for these details over the course of a week, being told she will send them to me when she's home..

After a week, she claims she's lost them.

I find a centre and after looking st the costs, I said I would pay for them. The ex then says thays fine, but if he doesn't want to go he won't go and it's down to her how many times I have visits and how long they go on for as advised by the police.

I contacted the police officer, who said thay was not the conversation they had together.

The ex is still refusing contact with my son so I have now applied for court.


Realistically, what kind of contact order should I expect? I suspect now that the ex has seen what I've written, there will be further allegations.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear CW1998

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting. My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that you are having a difficult time arranging contact with your son. It appears from your post that children’s services are no longer involved as they have no concerns for your son’s safety and wellbeing. We usually provide advice where children’s services is involved with a family.

The situation you find yourself in now is an issue primarily about contact. You are separated from your wife and wish to have regular contact with your son. Unfortunately, your estranged wife and you have not been able to reach an amicable agreement for contact between your son and you. Would your wife not agree to you having contact at the same time as your parents so it is supervised or is there a mutual family friend who might be able to assist.

You could also ask children’s services to speak with your wife about contact which is for the benefit of your son. They may be able to help her understand the emotional impact it might have on your son not to have consistent contact with his father.

Sadly, as you were unable to reach agreement with your estranged wife, you made an application to the court to ensure that you are able to see your son. You can contact this service for advice Child Law Advice 0300 330 5480. They advise in private law family cases. You may also find it helpful to read information on this website .They have guides to help persons who may not have a solicitor to represent them at court.

I am not able to advise you on the amount of contact you are able to have as this will be for the court to decide if you and your estranged wife cannot reach agreement. The court will look at all the circumstances and most importantly the welfare of your son will be its primary consideration. In some cases fortnightly contact may be given but each case is decided on its own facts.

As stated above, our service advises when children’s services is directly involved with a family.

I hope this is useful.

Best wishes

Suzie