Serving a suspended sentence for iioc

[Xr2222]

I have posted a few times during the past 2.5 years.

I am currently serving an 18 month suspended sentance for possession of iioc. It finishes march 2025.
I guess the reason for my post is for help from anyone who can signpost me to anything that I could benefit from in my desperate situation.
I have been divorced for nearly two years after my ex moved away with my children after i was arrested.
Since then I have been seeing my two kids every 6 weeks for a year. Then my ex stopped me seeing them suddenly in July 2023.
I am currently going through family court proceedings having applied for a CAO in January 2024, because my ex informed me that she no longer wanted to help supervise my visits to my children after my conviction in september 2023. So after seeking legal advice, I applied for a court order to see them again.

I have the second hearing in July, and I'm waiting for cafcass to do a S7 report by interviewing me,and giving recommendations to the court about my contact to both my children who are 5 and 2.
The considerations are if I can have supervised contact or not, or video calls with them or not. So what form of contact I have if any, will be decided at the next hearing by a district judge.
I have just heard this week that my ex wife has got Involved in a new relationship, and is engaged to be married. This came to me via my solicitor as me and my ex do not communicate.

I am devastated by this news. Not only is it hard to hear it, but more than that. The sheer timing of it, at a time when I'm trying desperately to regain my contact to my two children.
I'm not against me ex being happy or moving on with her life, on the contrary, I know we would still be together if I hadn't of messed things up, and as a consequence of my own actions, her life has now taken a different route to mine. And so life goes on, amd I genuinely want to wish her well. She deserves to be happy again.

But Knowing that another man is going to basically father my children is tough to take, especially when I'm trying to fight to even see them, and build my own relationship with them. It almost feels like a deliberate attempt by my ex, to try to prove a point to the court, that by Introducing me back Into my kids lives will confuse and upset them, because they are building significant relationships with their step dad to be whilst I'm out of the picture, and therr is soon to be a new family unit for them.
I have not had a chance to build a relationship to my 2 year old daughter. And my son who's 5, may or may not say something to the cafcass officer when they do a wishes and feelings with him. As it's almost a year since I last saw him.
I just dont know how on earth this situation will move forwards, and if I will be granted access again to my children. I've heard that only in extreme cases, where there is significant risk of harm to the children will the court decide on a non Contact order.

But I do feel this is somewhat tactical my my ex, in the hope that the family court would see that the mother has provided a stable family structure for the children now shes going to re marry. Perhaps she has been advised by her own solicitor to do this, and her own family, so she wins the court case as it were.

I just pray that the court would still see that my relationship to my children is vital for them both, as their biological father, and still holds significance. I support them every month with child maintenance payments to mey ex, and have done since we split up and she moved away in 2021.
I have PR and I'm on the birth certificates of each child.

Now theres a new family unit forming for the kids, I'm worried that the court would see it confusing for my children to see me,and would this sway any decision my ex's way at court?

I still love my ex wife, and I myself am not in a position to even think about getting into another relationship at the moment, with all this going on. But Knowing she has speedily made a decision to re marry and not only that, but to introduce another father figure Into the children's lives, is crippling. She's a good mum and a genuinely nice person, and I can't speak bad of her to be honest.

I hear of so many success stores of guys who have been arrested for iioc, and there partners and extended family supporting them, especially when they have kids, so that the family doesn't break up.
Very sadly I'm not so lucky. My ex instantly moved away within a week of my arrest, and stopped me seeimg my own children too. And her family completely cut me off and disowned me, and told her to divorce me asap.

No help, no support. I'm not blaming them, everyone handles things differently. I'm just saying. I wasn't so lucky as to have the family rally around us, or my ex staying by my side or being supportive towards me, whilst I get the help to rehabilitate myself from what happened. I came across SAA, two years ago, and I have committed to the 12 step recovery programme. And have completely turned my life around. But it hasn't helped to save my relationships to either my ex,or my own children. But first and foremost I wanted to do it for me. Which is the right thing to do.

Any positive comments or advice is appreciated, if you want to private message me. Thankyou in advance.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Xr2222,

Thank you for your post.

You say you are currently serving an 18 month suspended sentence for possession of indecent images of children. You are divorced from your ex, and have now started private law proceedings in the family court after contact with your children was stopped. You are awaiting the section 7 report. You have learnt that your ex-wife is in a new relationship and struggling with this news and what this may mean for the future. You are worried this would sway the court's decision about contact. You are feeling desperate and upset by the situation and are feeling for support.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with this news. It is understandable that you are concerned about how this may affect contact with your children. The court will make a decision about contact based upon what is in your children's best interests. The court acknowledges the importance of children having a relationship with each of their parents, if this is safe. The judge will make their decision based upon the available evidence, including any risk assessments, the section 7 report, and your children's views. Your ex-wife's new partner is unlikely to influence this decision. If you would like some more advice and guidance on these proceedings, you can contact Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480.

I would urge you, if you have not already, to contact your GP about how you are feeling. They can support you to access extra support for your mental health, or revisit any care you may already be receiving, including referring you to other forms of treatment.

Please remember that you can contact the Samaritans at any time of any day on 116 123.

Best wishes,

Suzie.


Now theres a new family unit forming for the kids, I'm worried that the court would see i

No help, no support. I'm not blaming them, everyone handles things differently. I'm just saying. I wasn't so lucky as to have the family rally around us, or my ex staying by my side or being supportive towards me, whilst I get the help to rehabilitate myself from what happened. I came across SAA, two years ago, and I have committed to the 12 step recovery programme. And have completely turned my life around. But it hasn't helped to save my relationships to either my ex,or my own children. But first and foremost I wanted to do it for me. Which is the right thing to do.

Any positive comments or advice is appreciated, if you want to private message me. Thankyou in advance.