Courts do not listen to me

[Mooncatbear91]

Long story short, I was in a relationship with my ex-partner, my daughter's biological dad for 2 years. Shortly after she was born, he became very emotionally abusive and eventually physically (strangling me whilst I held my baby, wrapping himself around me on the floor so I could not escape, blocking doorways/exits, taking phone off me, asking who I'm talking to) and psychologically abusive. He would punch the walls leaving holes in them, he would punch and break furniture. He was arrested twice for domestic abuse, unfortunately I dropped charges the first time believing he could change (I was a fool). The second time was the last time thankfully, the police found evidence of coercive control when they downloaded all of my text messages - however due to covid-19 and a huge backlog of court cases he never got charged, the conviction never happened and I felt so betrayed and let down by police. I do not trust them.

Fast forward to 2024, I am in a loving relationship with her step-father who absolutely adores her like she is his own, she loves him back and they have a great relationship. She understands somewhat about her bio-dad that we don't live together and he lives with his parents still. Multiple court hearings have gone by and at every single hearing I have expressed to the judge my concerns if he was to ever have at home contact (as he is only allowed supervised contact at a centre for now). There was a history of drug abuse but since 2022 he has completed a rehab program and is apparently still abstinent, yet he complains of financial hardship (despite living at his parents house and earning a full-time wage, which makes me question whether he is REALLY off drugs, when they all smoke cannabis). The social worker that was involved wrote a Section 7 and an update stating she did not think he was emotionally fit enough to look after her on his own and especially around his dad as they were both aggressive when she and another SW visited in October 2023. She expressed concerns along the lines of, he has copied abusive behaviour from his dad etc.

He has denied every single allegation I have made against him at every hearing. It is frustrating as nobody but me knows what he was like to live with, and I feel like the Cafcass officer and judge make light of everything, siding with the father (and they say they are not supposed to be biased!?). The judges say they read the position statements I send them, yet I cannot believe they do, because if they did surely they would take it seriously?

Long story short, sorry for the long post. My main concern is, in the future, if she is ever allowed to have contact at his home, how can I protect her? Supervised contact is going well due to the reports and she is happy in his company, however nervous at first. She did become worryingly fed up after the first few visits which I have had to tell the contact centre about. I am fearful for her safety. I hate to say this, but the amount of horror stories I have read online from mothers losing their children at the hands of their abusive ex-partner/parent, and judges being blamed for this. Take the case of Corey Micciolo. That is every parent's worst nightmare. How can I get the judge and any professional in my case to take me seriously? Unfortunately I cannot afford representation, if I could, I absolutely would, then this nightmare would be at least half doable. I have approached another charity with this and they told me to contact CAB as they deal with legal matters and the Child Law Advice line. I am honestly lost and don't really know how to fight this. I have so much evidence of DV against him in my folder, all the property damage he caused, all the police files, all the times he went to hospital for breaking his hand from punching things etc He even abducted my daughter when she was 6 months old, which I told the police about. He took her out of the house for an hour in the rain, luckily she didn't get pneumonia.

I honestly cannot describe enough the monster that he is, and a very narcissistic one at that.

Please don't say I am overreacting. I just need some helpful advice.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mooncatbear91

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. My name is Suzie, I am an online advise and will be responding to you today.

I am sorry to hear of your situation, it sounds like you had a very difficult and abusive relationship with your ex partner. Further that you are concerned about how you can protect your daughter should contact between your child and ex partner move from supervised to unsupervised.

In respect of safeguarding your child. Should a Child Arrangements Order be made, for example 50/50 shared care or a ‘lives with’ to you and ‘contact’ for your ex-partner, you will still retain equal parental responsibilities for your child. If you feel that your child had suffered harm or is at risk of suffering harm then you will be able to exercise your parental responsibilities to keep your child safe. This is likely to involve taking the matter back to court for further guidance.

In respect of the domestic abuse you have suffered, I am not sure whether you have sought support or this is something you would like to explore. To this end, I have added a link HERE to the Domestic Abuse Helpline. Please to check out their website should you require further support and information.

At Family Rights Group we provide advice and information when Children’s Services are involved or when you wish them to become involved in family life. From the information you have provided this is not the situation for you and your family. You are in private law proceedings and this is a private family matter. Unfortunately, This does not meet the remit of our services and we are not funded to provide advice in these types of situation. However, we would signpost you onto an organisation called Child Law Advice . They have lots of helpful information and guidance for parent in your type of situation and have ‘how to’ guides that you can download for around £2 each. Please do check out their website.

I hope you find this information helpful. There are many ways to contact Family Rights Group, please do look at our website for further information about this or post again here if you have further questions.

Best wishes, Suzie