Partner arrested for iioc

[Secretsquirrel]

Hi I am new to the group but have spent the past few days reading posts with similar circumstances to me.

I was with my ex partner for 19 years, 2 girls together (18 & 13)and I also have an adult daughter from a previous relationship. Since we've been together, he has brought so much anxiety to my life and I regret letting our relationship go on so long.

In 2010 we had the first knock from the police regarding theft from his place of work of which he was convicted, received a fine and CS. Life continued as normal. In 2017, whilst he was in work I had a visit from 2 police officers regarding a message sent to a minor. Times messages were sent weren't clear and no evidence was found, I put it down to a mistake and we secured our WiFi.

Now we come to the latest incident. The knock came last week, a warrant had been granted to obtain electronics from the home for iioc. Majority of it was checked while they were here but after search of my partner's phone, he was arrested. We haven't seen him since and now he is on bail conditions at his mum's 100s of miles away, pc and fe other items were seized and taken. He tells me he was arrested based on videos of our girls in the bath when they were little but I'm not convinced. Warrants are not issued for things like this and he admitted they mentioned messages sent to a girl on Snapchat which wasn't him. I have no idea who he expects me to believe it was!? As expected, he isn't allowed contact with our youngest daughter and she is missing him terribly.

As far as I am concerned, our relationship is over. I am so angry but at the same time can't help but feel sorry for him. I don't know if it's after spending so much of my life with him but my feelings are so conflicted.

Not really sure what I'm expecting writing this here, maybe I just need to sound it out because I can't tell anyone what's happening. I'm so scared it'll be public knowledge

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Secretsquirrel

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and I will respond to your post.

Our service advises when there is direct social work involvement with a family for safeguarding or other reasons. From your post it does not appear that there is any involvement currently. The police are likely to make a referral to children’s services if they have not already done so. In your post you state that the relationship is over and this would mean that if children’s services had concerns these would be alleviated by the fact you are being protective of your daughter.

You are going through a lot of different emotions at present which is understandable from your long-standing relationship him. You stuck with your former partner though other incidents and are now blaming yourself. My suggestion is that you are not to blame in any way for his actions.

I think you would benefit from speaking with services who support and advice partners of alleged or convicted sex offenders. To help you navigate what you are going through at present I suggest you contact Lucy Faithfull Foundation’s parent protect on 0808 100 0900.

You are fearful of this becoming public knowledge. Matters relating to children is usually not in the public domain but if your former partner is convicted in criminal proceedings this may be a different situation. I think what you must try and remember is that you have done nothing wrong, but I can understand why you may feel otherwise at present. The above service can help you with the tools you need to cope with this difficult situation, so I encourage you to contact them.

Should you wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers especially if children’s services become involved, you can telephone our advice service on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

Hope this is helpful

Best wishes

Suzie

[Secretsquirrel]

Hi Suzie thank you for your reply. I have spoken to a social worker and they have said there isn't much they can do for me. It must be as you say because I've taken steps to end the relationship. They had a conference with my daughter's school, the officers in charge and my boss! Absolutely mortified but I had already made my employer aware of the situation and he's apparently told them he'll support me and eldest daughter (we work together) as much as he can.

Just at a bit of a loss at the moment because I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me. I'm disgusted but at the same time I miss my ex partner. It's difficult when you lose who you thought was your person