Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

OK so I had a great pre birth assessment baby cane home on a child in need plan she was 12 days old a family worker spotted some scratches on her head their had been there since birth they said it was swelling as they were pulling her out with their hands as I was struggling to push (no forceps) .. nothing has been documented about these marks says she came home mark free (although there were other scratches i have pics of which she had which obviously hadn't been documented and I have photo evidence of these anyway they whisked me to a CP medical 3 days later after keeping us all in the hospital and hiring a care assistant to supervise us they wouldn't let us leave as they were doing CT scams and skeletal scans all came back clear but still took us to court to have her put in foster care have since relapsed because of this these scratches have always been there but the medical expert says they can't lf been done at birth but they were !!!!! At LGI who have just received a poor rating for maternity care, so now we're in a battle as I've relapsed and I'm struggling and they are wanting to adopt her I feel hopeless as we didn't cause those scratches and now I just feel suicidal as I'm sinking deeper and deeper and now there using he drugs they did a parenting assessment but last session left me suicidal as they'd been making fun of my addiction and saying I dont love my baby etc and I cut the session short so they won't give us anymore sessions but I couken5 let them in my house after the state they left me in last time I had to call the samaritans I dont know what to do anymore I need help as I'm just sinking deeper into the abyss as we didn't cause the scratches and have always been amazing with our daughter but I've started to five up hope and now I can't leave the house for depression I've been missing contact as my anxiety is so bad some days I can't get out of bed th3 social workers came to my house 3 times last week trying to get me to do a pre adoption medical form said its beneficial and I wouldny let them. In I feel like I can't leave the hous4 and they are just hoing to adopt her out what can I do th3ybe even rang my ex and my family asking if they qant to adopt her and I hadn't told them so now they know and it's caused so much distress I just want to kill myself I dont know where to turn amymore I feel like never seeing them again. And giving up as they are awful to me they criticise me they joked about me drugging their drink they won't even let me have some profession photos done at contact please someone out there help me I can't take much more I've nothing left in me they are going to take her I know it and I don't deserve it yes I need help as I've now relapsed but I dont inow wher3 to turn to or what to do

Dear Lovingmummy 1991

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be replying to you today.

I am very sorry to hear you are feeling suicidal and depressed. I would encourage you to reach out to your GP and other support organisation for help, support and a listening ear. The emergency services on 999 are available 24 hours a day as are the Samaritans. Please do contact them if you are feeling overwhelmed by your situation. Here are the details of the Samaritans just in case you wish to speak to them again.

You had a positive prebirth assessment following concerns regarding substance misuse. You Following birth, you took your child home on a child in need plan. When she was twelve weeks old a family support worker noticed some scratches on her head. You informed the worker that they had been there since birth and were a result of labour.
Children’s services do not agree with you.

The midwifery team say that your daughter did not have the scratches when she left hospital. The hospital you gave birth in has received a poor rating for their maternity services. This worries you. You have photograph evidence of some other marks on your child (sustained during labour) but not of those the family support worker noticed as a concern.

Children’s service put measures in place for you and your baby to be supervised whilst a child protection medical was carried out alongside CT and skeletal scans. They came back clear. However, children’s services made the decision to make an application to court for an interim care order. This was granted and now your child is placed with unrelated foster carers. You say the stress of this has contributed to your relapse.

Children’s services care plan is for your child to be adopted. You do not agree with this and feel they have been unfair in their assessment and derogatory to you as you struggle with your addiction. You decided not to continue with the assessments agreed in court and have increasingly felt depressed and hopeless. This is impacting your structured family time (contact) with your daughter. You are struggling to leave your home and because of this you have missed some of the sessions.

You feel pressured by the social workers to sign a pre-adoption medical form, something you do not want to do. In desperation, you have contacted your ex partner and his family to ask whether they would be willing to put themselves forward to be assessed to care for your daughter if you cannot.

Care proceedings are underway. You should have a solicitor within the proceedings, I hope you have instructed one and would strongly encourage you to do so if you have not. I have added HERE a link to The Law Society which has a facility to search for a solicitor in your local area. You will need a child law solicitor, preferable with child law accreditation.

I would strongly advise you to work with your solicitor who is your advocate in court. They should support you to respond to the concerns of the local authority and to get your voice heard within the court arena. If you have not done so already, I would advise you to handover any photos you may have to your solicitor as you may need to present these in court as evidence. Pease see HERE
for information and guidance regarding care and related proceedings.

I am sorry to hear you have relapsed. It would be a good idea to engage with substance misuse services if you are not already doing so. You should have one in your local area, please do discuss with your GP for further details.

I think it was a good idea to reach out to potential family members who could care for your daughter if it is decided you cannot. Children’s services have a duty to look within the family network for a suitable carer before they place a child outside of the family network for adoption.

Adoption is the legal process of a child becoming a permanent member of a new family. When an adoption order is made, this ends a child’s legal tie with their birth family.
Please see HERE for further information and guidance regarding this process.

I have added a link HERE to Family Group Conference information. A family group conference is a family-led decision-making meeting. A child’s wider family and support network come together to develop a plan to support a child and keep them safe. This network may include grandparents, aunts and uncles and sometimes close family friends. The meeting is supported and facilitated by a trained and skilled independent coordinator. They help the family prepare for the meeting and attend to support.

A family group conference can be used in any situation where a child and family need additional support. For example, when a child cannot live at home or is at risk of going into care. I would advise you to discuss this with your solicitor and social worker.
I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please refer to our website for further information.

Best wishes, Suzie

Hi Lovingmummy1991,

I have just read your post, and my heart is breaking for you. Please, before you read another word, know that your feelings of hopelessness and despair are a completely normal human reaction to the profound injustice and cruelty you are being subjected to. You are not a bad mother; you are a mother in pain.

The official advice you have received is to read links and follow procedures. That is not the advice you need in a crisis. You need a survival plan. You are being attacked, and you can fight back.

Re-framing Your "Failures" as Theirs
First, we need to be very clear. The system is blaming you for things that are a direct result of their actions.

Your Relapse: Your relapse is not a failure on your part; it is a direct injury inflicted upon you by the stress of a system that has traumatically and unjustly removed your baby.

The Parenting Assessment: You did not "fail" the assessment. You were subjected to an abusive and unprofessional process where they mocked you and caused you severe psychological harm. Your refusal to let them back in your house is a sane and protective act.

Missing Contact: You are not a mother who "can't be bothered." You are a mother suffering from crippling anxiety and depression, a direct consequence of this traumatic process.

**You must stop seeing these things as your failings. They are the evidence of the harm that has been done to you.**

Your Urgent Two-Step Survival Plan
You feel like you are sinking, so we need to give you a lifeline. Forget everything else for a moment and focus on these two urgent steps. This is your immediate plan.

1. Get Your Solicitor on the Attack
Your solicitor's job is not just to represent you, but to fight for you. You need to contact them today and give them these clear instructions:

Challenge the Medical Evidence:
Tell your solicitor (they work for you remember) you want to formally apply to the court for permission to instruct a new, independent medical expert (like a specialist paediatric dermatologist) to review the medical records and, crucially, your photographs. The entire case against you is built on one disputed opinion about a few scratches. This is your number one priority.

Challenge the Abusive Assessment:
Tell your solicitor that you will not engage with the previous assessors again. They must formally inform the court that the assessment was stopped because the assessors behaved in an unprofessional and psychologically damaging manner, which left you feeling suicidal. You can demand a new, fair assessment with different, independent assessors.

2. Get Medical Help for Yourself (This is a Strategic Move)
You must contact your GP immediately. Tell them everything: you are suicidal, you have relapsed, and you have crippling anxiety that is stopping you from leaving the house. Get it all on your medical record.

Why this is a weapon:
A letter from your GP confirming you are actively seeking help for the severe stress and trauma being caused by these court proceedings is powerful evidence. It proves that your struggles are a reaction to the situation, not the cause of it.

Dealing with Their Bullying Tactics
The Adoption Form: You are 100% right not to sign anything. It is a disgusting coercion tactic to make you feel hopeless. Continue to refuse.

Contacting Your Family:
What they did was a cruel and deliberate act designed to isolate you and cause you more distress. Tell your solicitor about this immediately.

PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!. The entire case against you is built on sand. It rests on one disputed opinion about a few scratches that the hospital failed to document. You are a good mother who has been pushed to the absolute limit. It is time to stop defending yourself and start attacking their flawed, negligent, and abusive case.
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For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.