I had my previous baby removed from my care because I chose to stay in a relationship that ss saw as inappropriate for many reasons, they were right to do that, I felt I couldn't choose between my boyfriend and my child, I wanted to support my partner through his problems and addictions as I felt sure they would be made worse for him without my support and I love him, I knew I too couldn't function without him, where as my child was being looked after and not at any risk and in a loving home. I had hope that our issues together and his addictions would be sorted in time to go through an assessment and have baby returned to us, this was not the case, as time went on I realised we didn't have the ability to turn things around in the time scale given by ss.
However recently my bf and I separated so now I lost him and my child, I feel that even if I could have got my child back they would never feel like my own as I missed so much and its in the child's interest to stay where they are placed in case I get my bf back, another recent turn of events is that I now find myself pregnant with another child, I havn't been to see anyone about this as I am terrified it will be taken too unless things are resolved with my first child?
I just found out now that ss are recommending for the carers to become long term carers via some kid of court order of my first child, I need to sign forms etc to say I am happy for this to go ahead. Which I am.
My question to anyone out there who could give me advice, do you think that I will be able to keep my second baby or will ss automatically be involved? I am pretty much against abortion and wouldn't want the baby adopted so I am in a desperate situation at the moment. I have told no one of this pregnancy but know I need to do something quickly. I cant face losing another baby to any of the options available to me
Pregnant again & Scared
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Pregnant again & Scared
Dear Flynnders
Welcome to the discussion board, and thank you for such an open post where you have shared in depth about the circumstances that led to the removal of your first child.
You have stated that a number of contributing factors meant you struggled to prioritise your need to be a good parent, over that of your relationship where there were complicated issues of substance misuse that meant it was an unsafe evnironment. As a result, you admit that at that time, you were not able to keep your child safe.
I am not sure how long ago this happened however, but you may want to speak to your GP, and discuss your situation with the midwife, as they may need to refer you on to Children's Services so that they can make a new assessment of your family's needs.
If a social worker were to become involved with an assessment of your unborn baby, they would want to take a number of factors into account before deciding if they are worried, and what action if any, they may need to take.
They may wish to start a pre-birth assessment to explore your change in circumstances or hold a multi agency child protection conference to see if a child protection plan is required. This meeting would consider what concerns, as well as supoprt you may need to avoid a repeat of past mistakes.
First of all, they may want to know how long ago you separated from the father, how far you are along in the pregnancy, and how accepting you are of the concerns first time round (which you seem to be), what positive changes you have been able to make, and if you would be open to any professional support both now, and in the future.
Should you decide to keep the baby, it would be important to inform the father because even if he is not in a position to offer care himself, he does have a right to know that you are expecting his child. Furthermore, it is possible that he could have a supportive extended family that could be on hand to help out, particularly if you feel isolated at this time.
Most significantly, any assessment would be interested to know, to what extent an established family and friends support network can be there to help you through this pregnancy. You may want to think about this and see if any individuals would be willing to attend a family group conference, so that you can all be involved in making safe plans for the baby, when it is born.
If you want to speak to an adviser about your situation, please feel free to contact the Family Rights Group advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.00 pm.
Best Wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the discussion board, and thank you for such an open post where you have shared in depth about the circumstances that led to the removal of your first child.
You have stated that a number of contributing factors meant you struggled to prioritise your need to be a good parent, over that of your relationship where there were complicated issues of substance misuse that meant it was an unsafe evnironment. As a result, you admit that at that time, you were not able to keep your child safe.
I am not sure how long ago this happened however, but you may want to speak to your GP, and discuss your situation with the midwife, as they may need to refer you on to Children's Services so that they can make a new assessment of your family's needs.
If a social worker were to become involved with an assessment of your unborn baby, they would want to take a number of factors into account before deciding if they are worried, and what action if any, they may need to take.
They may wish to start a pre-birth assessment to explore your change in circumstances or hold a multi agency child protection conference to see if a child protection plan is required. This meeting would consider what concerns, as well as supoprt you may need to avoid a repeat of past mistakes.
First of all, they may want to know how long ago you separated from the father, how far you are along in the pregnancy, and how accepting you are of the concerns first time round (which you seem to be), what positive changes you have been able to make, and if you would be open to any professional support both now, and in the future.
Should you decide to keep the baby, it would be important to inform the father because even if he is not in a position to offer care himself, he does have a right to know that you are expecting his child. Furthermore, it is possible that he could have a supportive extended family that could be on hand to help out, particularly if you feel isolated at this time.
Most significantly, any assessment would be interested to know, to what extent an established family and friends support network can be there to help you through this pregnancy. You may want to think about this and see if any individuals would be willing to attend a family group conference, so that you can all be involved in making safe plans for the baby, when it is born.
If you want to speak to an adviser about your situation, please feel free to contact the Family Rights Group advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.00 pm.
Best Wishes
Suzie
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