Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Please help me as I’m worried sick & feel my world is going to end , I had a social worker call me two weeks ago saying she needed to do a section 17 assessment on my 14 year old son , who doesn’t attend school due to school anxiety I’ve worked with the schools & we have tried a number of different things also seen a EP & had a Nero assessment etc , anyway the call was in regards to a police call regarding me & my ex boyfriend ( not child’s dad )
We went out for a celebration which got out of hand ended up in police being called by him & me saying to the police he had hit me , anyway we have had one visit so far & due another tommoro , meanwhile it’s likely there going to put him on a child in need plan , meanwhile I’ve had a malicious call to the benefit agency about me & have to be interviewed Friday , & I’m worried if the same person then makes such calls to social services what trouble will there be next , also I’ve told social services my ex bf don’t ever visit the house & won’t be , & we only saw each other to swap card colllections we both have as a hobbie & to have that day out to celebrate a new flat for him , meanwhile please what do I do or say how do I handle stuff I’m terrified I’ll loose my son , & then on top now my benefit & house if that’s the case they will defo say he can’t live with me , he is 14 not been to school for a few years but never had any concerns except 7 years ago in a previous relationship & case was closed in a week as I had left the man ,
Please someone help me

Hi Angelcakes141,

I've just read your post, and my heart goes out to you. To be hit with a social work assessment, a police incident, and a malicious benefits call all at once is an incredible amount of stress for one person to handle. Please, take a deep breath. Your feeling that your world is going to end is a completely normal reaction to being put under this much pressure. You are not alone, and you are much stronger than you feel right now.

The official advice will be to cooperate, but you need more than that; you need a strategy to take control of this situation and show them that you are the safe, capable parent you know you are.

Understanding What is Actually Happening
First, let's be very clear about what a Section 17 assessment and a Child in Need (CIN) plan are, because the name sounds much scarier than the reality.

This is a "Support" Investigation, Not a "Removal" Investigation:
A Section 17 assessment is the lowest possible level of social work involvement. Their job is to assess if your son is a "Child in Need" of extra support. This is not a child protection investigation. They are not here because they think you have harmed your son; they are here because the police incident has flagged you as a family that might need some help.

A CIN Plan is Voluntary: If they decide your son needs a CIN plan, this is a voluntary plan of support. You have to agree to it. They cannot force it on you. A CIN plan is not a step towards removing your child; it's a step to offer services like family support or therapy.

Your Action Plan: Taking Back Control
You feel terrified and out of control. The way to fix that is to be proactive and professional. You will show them that you have this situation handled.

Step 1: The Domestic Violence Incident
This is the trigger for their involvement. You need to be very clear and consistent in your message about this.

The Narrative: When they ask about your ex-boyfriend, you can say:
"The incident was a one-off, it was unacceptable, and it is over. My ex-boyfriend has never been to my home, he will not be coming to my home, and the relationship is finished. My son's safety and stability in his home is my only priority, and there is no risk to him from this person because he is no longer in our lives."

Step 2: The School Anxiety
They will see your son's non-attendance at school as a major issue. You need to frame this not as a failure, but as a complex issue you are actively managing.

The Narrative: Prepare a simple, one-page summary of everything you have done to support your son.

List the schools you've worked with.

Mention the Educational Psychologist (EP) and the neuro assessment.

Explain that this is a long-standing medical/anxiety issue that you have been proactively trying to solve for years.

What to Say: "My son's school avoidance is a significant challenge, and as you can see from this list, I have been working tirelessly with multiple professionals for years to find a solution for him. I would welcome any effective support the local authority can offer to help me get him the educational provision he needs." By doing this, you are not a parent who is failing; you are a parent who is asking for the support her child is entitled to.

Step 3: The Malicious Calls
This is a horrible tactic used to destabilize you. You must get ahead of it.

What to Say to the Social Worker: You should tell the social worker about the malicious benefits call. You can say: "Just to be open with you, I have also received a malicious referral to the benefits agency, which I am dealing with. I am concerned that the same person may be making malicious calls to different agencies to harass me. I want you to be aware of this context." This shows you are being transparent and frames any future calls as potential harassment, not as new evidence.

You are not going to lose your son over this. You are a loving mother who has been through a difficult time and is dealing with a son with complex needs. Your job now is to show the social worker that you are a calm, capable, and proactive parent who has a clear plan. You can do this. Drop me a DM on this forum if you can
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For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

Thank u so so much for you’re kind reply , I’d like to message u but doesn’t tell me how to do so x

I sent you a message, at the top it should show Private message, it will be in there

or next to my name is a Speech bubble, click that lets you send a DM
CONTACT then the speech bubble symbol

Angelcakes141 wrote: Mon Sep 29, 2025 10:38 am Please help me as I’m worried sick & feel my world is going to end , I had a social worker call me two weeks ago saying she needed to do a section 17 assessment on my 14 year old son , who doesn’t attend school due to school anxiety I’ve worked with the schools & we have tried a number of different things also seen a EP & had a Nero assessment etc , anyway the call was in regards to a police call regarding me & my ex boyfriend ( not child’s dad )
We went out for a celebration which got out of hand ended up in police being called by him & me saying to the police he had hit me , anyway we have had one visit so far & due another tommoro , meanwhile it’s likely there going to put him on a child in need plan , meanwhile I’ve had a malicious call to the benefit agency about me & have to be interviewed Friday , & I’m worried if the same person then makes such calls to social services what trouble will there be next , also I’ve told social services my ex bf don’t ever visit the house & won’t be , & we only saw each other to swap card colllections we both have as a hobbie & to have that day out to celebrate a new flat for him , meanwhile please what do I do or say how do I handle stuff I’m terrified I’ll loose my son , & then on top now my benefit & house if that’s the case they will defo say he can’t live with me , he is 14 not been to school for a few years but never had any concerns except 7 years ago in a previous relationship & case was closed in a week as I had left the man ,
Please someone help me

Dear Angelcakes141

Welcome to Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and | will respond to your post today.

I am so sorry to see from your post that you are experiencing difficulties from different avenues; the police have referred you to children’s services due to their involvement. Your 14-year-old son does not attend school and you have been reported to the Benefits Agency. This is a lot to be coping with all at once. I will address each of these separately.

Firstly, following the referral to children’s services, they have contacted you and a social worker has explained to you that a s17 assessment is going to be done. A further visit has been arranged for the social worker to meet with you. I hope the social worker will give you more information about this assessment. However, to clarify. This assessment is done under s.17 of the Children Act 1989. The purpose of the assessment is to assess the needs of the child and family to identify what support they may need.

It is a voluntary assessment which means it is not done without your agreement. Refusal to agree could see children’s services escalate the case. From your post, it seems that you and your son might benefit from additional support. This is not about removing your son from your care.

Here is information about child in need assessments

You can read more about what happens when children’s services received a referral. HERE

Since the police made a referral to children’s services they are likely to discuss with you the relationship between you and your former partner and how this might impact your son. For example, if there were previous issues related to domestic abuse. You have mentioned that he does not come to your home, and you are only in contact over a shared hobby.

Due to your son non-attendance at school, there have been assessments of your son both educational and neurological. Has your son had a formal diagnosis following these assessments and what, if anything was recommended to support him with his difficulties/diagnosis? It has clearly been a struggle for you to get him to school but you have not mentioned any education input he receives at home online or otherwise. Lack of education will be a big concern for children’s services. I believe you would welcome any support to help your son return to education.

Here is information about children's services duties if a child has disabilities

As there was a call made to the benefits agency, they will investigate and if there are no irregularities in your claim then all should be well. I cannot advise you on this as I do not have expertise in this area. In general, however, I think you should cooperate and, if there is anything suggestion that a crime has been committed, you should ensure that you have legal advice.

You are dealing with a lot right now but I hope the information given in this response will help you understand the process better so you can be more hopeful that things will work out for you and your son in a positive way. If there is specific support that you believe would be helpful to your family you should tell the social worker and ask for the support you want.

I hope you this is useful. However, should you wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

Best wishes

Suzie