Advice needed please

[Fightformyboys]

Hello everyone, I’m looking for some advice as I’m currently facing a very difficult situation.

A few days ago, I was arrested in relation to an alleged assault. I have since been released on bail with a condition that I must not have any contact with the person who made the allegation for three months. I want to be clear that I strongly deny the allegation and maintain that the incident did not occur.

Following this, the children’s mother has stopped all contact between me and the children. I have been told by mum that contact is suspended until social services have carried out a visit at her home. She has been informed that the matter is under investigation and that, in the meantime, contact should not take place. I have asked for details of the social worker, but she has not provided them. I have asked her for an update on the meeting as it’s been a week since this has happened.

There has been a C.A.O in place since last year. The children were very much looking forward to staying overnight with me in a couple of weeks, so this has been upsetting.

I would be very grateful for any advice on what steps I should take next and how best to handle this situation. I just want to understand where things stand with.

Thank you in advance.

[Winter25]

Hi Fightformyboys,

I am really sorry you are in this limbo. It is an incredibly distressing place to be, especially when the boys were looking forward to seeing you. My partners EX did something similar to him as well.

I am going to give you very direct, strategic advice because your safety and your case depend on absolute precision and doing everything correctly You are balancing two very different legal systems (Criminal Law and Family Law), and you have to handle them in the right order and in the right way.

1. The Bail
You need to get your bail sheet out and read the exact wording before you do anything else.
If your bail says "No contact directly or indirectly with the complainant," that means:

No texts.
No emails.
No turning up at her address.
No asking a family member or friend to "pass a message on."

Even a polite, child-focused text asking how the boys are doing can be treated by the police as a breach of bail. A breach would seriously damage both your criminal case and your standing in the Family Court. Do not contact her at all unless your bail conditions explicitly allow it.

2. Your Child Arrangements Order Still Exists
You have a legally binding Child Arrangements Order (CAO). That order does not legally disappear just because of an arrest.
However, when there is an allegation of assault involving the resident parent, it is standard practice for Social Services to advise a temporary pause on contact while safeguarding checks are carried out. That pause should not be indefinite, and it should not leave you completely in the dark.

3. Stop Waiting , Contact the Local Authority Yourself
You have Parental Responsibility (PR). You do not need the mother’s permission to speak to Social Services, and you shouldn't wait for her to update you. Tomorrow morning, call your Local Authority’s safeguarding front door (often called the MASH team).

Have this exact script in front of you when you call and read it to them.

"Hello, my name is [Full Name]. I am the father of [Child/Children’s Names and DOBs]. I hold Parental Responsibility and there is a current Child Arrangements Order in place made on [Date].
I have recently been arrested in relation to an allegation, which I deny. I have been released on bail, and I understand this may have triggered safeguarding checks.
The children’s mother has informed me that contact under the CAO is suspended pending a visit from Social Services. I have not been contacted directly by any social worker.
I am calling to confirm:
(1) Whether a referral has been made,
(2) Whether a social worker has been allocated,
(3) What the current safeguarding plan is, and
(4) Whether interim contact arrangements can be agreed upon while checks are ongoing.
I am fully willing to cooperate with any assessment. My priority is ensuring the children are not distressed by a sudden break in contact."

If they say “We can’t discuss this because of data protection,” you reply:

"I hold Parental Responsibility and I am named in an active Child Arrangements Order. I am legally entitled to information regarding safeguarding concerns relating to my children."

Action points for the call: Write down the name of the person you speak to, note the time/date, and ask for confirmation by email if possible. No arguing. Just facts. When you speak to them, proactively suggest indirect contact (scheduled video calls) or supported contact in the community.

4. Solicitor Instruction Email
You need a family law solicitor (not just your criminal solicitor) to look at the Family Court side of this immediately. Copy and paste this email to send to them today if you can get one.
----------
Subject: Urgent – Suspension of Contact under Existing CAO

Dear [Solicitor’s Name],

I am seeking urgent advice regarding the enforcement of a Child Arrangements Order.
There is a CAO dated [Date] providing for [set out contact terms briefly].
On [Date], I was arrested in relation to an alleged assault. I deny the allegation. I have been released on bail with conditions of [insert exact wording of bail conditions].

Since then, the children’s mother has suspended all contact, stating Social Services have advised this pending a safeguarding visit. I have not been contacted directly by any social worker. I am concerned that a court order is effectively being set aside without a formal court variation.

I would like advice on:

Whether enforcement (C79) is appropriate at this stage.
Whether I should apply to vary the order to introduce indirect or supported contact pending investigation.
Whether a 'without notice' application would be justified if contact continues to be withheld.
How my bail conditions impact handover arrangements.

I am fully willing to engage with Social Services and any safeguarding process, but I am anxious to avoid a prolonged period of zero contact for the children. Please let me know your earliest availability.

Kind regards,
[Full Name]
------------------
5. When Does Enforcement Become Appropriate?
Timing matters. You cannot enforce the order on day one of an investigation, but you also cannot wait in silence for months.

Enforcement is NOT appropriate yet if: Social Services have just been notified and are actively assessing, or if your strict bail conditions prevent any safe handover.

Enforcement IS appropriate when: You have attempted reasonable engagement, but there is no clear plan, contact remains at zero, and no formal court application has been made by the mother to suspend the CAO.

Generally, you give the Local Authority 7 to 14 days to establish a safeguarding plan and clarify contact. Document your attempts to engage. If after that time there is no progress, your solicitor will advise applying for a C79 (Enforcement) or a C100 (Variation for safe interim contact). Courts highly dislike a complete loss of contact unless risk is clearly evidenced.

(Strategic Note: If the police later issue an NFA, No Further Action, regarding the arrest, your leverage to enforce the Family Court order increases significantly.)


Right now, your tasks are simple:
1 Read your bail wording carefully.
2 Call MASH. Create a paper trail. Engage a family solicitor. Stay calm and compliant.

Family court is about who looks steady and child-focused. Be the most reasonable person in the room.

======
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[Fightformyboys]

Thank you so much for your advice and your response. I really appreciate it.
Just to let you know the bail conditions are not against my ex partner. They are against a family member. A family member has alleged I have assaulted them not the children’s Mum.

[Winter25]

Hi Fightformyboys,

That is a massive piece of information, and it completely changes the legal landscape in your favour. Sorry it did sound like the it was the mother that the allegation was against. So lets change this up a bit now with this new information.

Because the children’s mother is not the complainant, the immediate danger of you breaching bail by simply communicating with her is gone. However, I want to give you a vital shift in mindset for how we handle her from this moment on.

We are not going to set a "legal trap" for her. Family Court judges despise it when parents try to trap or outmanoeuvre each other. Instead, we are going to build a bulletproof paper trail. You are going to win this by "out-regulating" everyone else involved, by being the calmest, most cooperative, and most child-focused person in the room.

Here is your updated strategy I would advise at this time .

1. Bail Check Still
Before you hit send on any message, check your bail sheet one last time. Ensure that your ex is not listed under a condition like "no indirect contact with any witnesses" or that there are no geographic exclusions preventing you from going to her town/street for handovers. If she is entirely clear from the bail sheet, proceed to Step 2.

2. Courtroom-Safe Message to Mum
This message is designed to keep you looking strong, respectful, and entirely focused on the boys. It contains no legal threats, no accusations, and does not minimize the allegation.

Send her this exact message (via text or email or both to be safe):

"Hi [Name], I understand you have paused contact following the recent allegation. I want to reassure you that I deny the allegation and am fully cooperating with the investigation. > There is a current Child Arrangements Order dated [Date], and I remain committed to following it. I am very willing to cooperate with Social Services and any safeguarding checks. However, I am concerned that a complete suspension of contact is distressing for the boys.
Please can you provide the name and contact details of the allocated social worker so I can engage directly.
In the meantime, I would like to propose interim arrangements such as scheduled video calls or supported daytime contact, so the boys are not affected by a sudden loss of routine. I am keen to resolve this calmly and in a way that prioritises the children’s wellbeing."

If she ignores this or refuses safe interim contact, she hands you the evidence that she is unilaterally withholding the children, not just "protecting" them.

3. You Still Call MASH (Do not wait for her)
You still need to take control of the narrative with Social Services. Call the MASH (safeguarding) team today. The key word you want to project on this phone call is cooperate.

Use this script instead of the one I provided before as the situation has changed just shorten it.

"I hold Parental Responsibility and a current Child Arrangements Order. I have been arrested for an allegation involving an extended family member, which I strongly deny. I understand safeguarding checks may be underway, and the mother has suspended contact. I am calling because I want to cooperate fully with your team and discuss safe interim contact arrangements for my boys."

4. The Family Court Reality
Even though the allegation does not involve the mother or the children, the Family Court and Social Services will still ask: Does this allegation show poor emotional regulation? Could this behaviour impact the children?

This is why your tone right now is everything. If you fire off angry texts to your ex, you reinforce their fear that you are volatile. If you stay steady and professional, you dismantle it entirely. Remember family court is not like criminal court.. criminal court needs evidence and proof, family court is risk and possibilities ( although there is still evince needed in court and there are still legislations and laws they can not just by pass, but do not worry about this right now).

5. When to Enforce the Order
Because the allegation does not involve the mother, your path to enforcement is actually much cleaner.
If Social Services confirm to you that they have no active safeguarding plan, or they say "we just advised mum to use her judgment," and she still refuses even a video call, then you have grounds to act.

You would then instruct your solicitor to apply for a C79 (Enforcement) or a variation to include structured interim arrangements. But you do not threaten that in your first message. You build the paper trail of your reasonable behaviour first.

(Still If the police eventually issue an NFA, No Further Action, on the assault allegation, your leverage in Family Court still increases massively.)

Stay calm. Be cooperative. Be consistent OK

======
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[Fightformyboys]

@Winter25
Thank you so much for your response. I have sent a text message to mum as suggested.
I have spoken to the MASH team and have been given a name and contact number for the social worker involved with the case.

Shall I ask and mention the following when I call the SW?:
What the current safeguarding plan is, and
Whether interim contact arrangements can be agreed upon while checks are ongoing.
I am fully willing to cooperate with any assessment. My priority is ensuring the children are not distressed by a sudden break in contact.

[Winter25]

Brilliant work. You have taken control of the situation quickly . Bypassing the silence and getting the direct name and number for the allocated social worker is a massive step forward.

To answer your question: Yes, absolutely. Use exactly those points. They hit every single note the social worker needs to hear.

When you make the call to the SW, keep these three strategic rules in mind OK.

1. Keep it entirely about the boys: Do not use this call to vent about the family member who made the false allegation, and do not complain about your ex. Social workers are trained to listen for hostility or volatility. Keep your tone calm, professional, and 100% child-focused.

2. Pin down a timeframe: If the social worker says, "We need to do some background checks first before we agree to anything," your response should be: "I completely understand you have a safeguarding process to follow. When can I expect an update from you so we can look at getting some safe interim video contact set up?" Do not let them leave it open-ended.

3. The Email Follow-Up
This is crucial for your Family Court paper trail. As soon as you hang up the phone, send a brief email to the social worker summarizing the call.
Example: "Dear [SW Name], Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today. As discussed, my priority is ensuring the boys are not distressed by a sudden break in contact. I am fully willing to cooperate with your assessment and look forward to hearing from you by [Date/Time agreed] regarding safe interim contact arrangements."

If the case ends up back in court, that email is hard proof that you were the proactive, safe, and reasonable parent.

======
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Fightformyboys,

Welcome to the parents’ forum. My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser for Family Rights Group. I am sorry to hear about your difficult situation and I hope that the following advice and information is helpful to you.

The mother of your children has told you that she has been advised by children’s services to suspend contact between you and your children. This is because you were arrested for an alleged assault. You deny this allegation. There is a child arrangements order in place and you usually see your children regularly.

At Family Rights Group we cannot offer advice about private law matters, such as child arrangement orders, as this falls outside of our remit. You have had some private law advice from another forum user and I would also suggest that you contact the following organisations for further advice:

1) Child Law Advice
2) Both Parents Matter
3) Advice Now

You can also contact a solicitor for legal advice about next steps regarding the child arrangements order.

It is good to hear that you have already called children’s services and have been given the contact details for the allocated social worker. As a father children’s services should work in partnership with you if they are involved with your children. This includes involving you in decisions that are made, including you in meetings, providing you with paperwork and generally keeping you clearly updated about their involvement. You can ask them if they are planning to carry out an assessment. If they do decide to carry out an assessment then you should be supported to fully participate in this.

In regards to contact between you and your children it is important to understand that children’s services can make recommendations about this, but they cannot enforce these recommendations. So, they can suggest to you and the mother that contact is suspended, or is supervised, for example, but ultimately the decisions about what kind of contact you have with your children is up to you and the mother (as you are the only people with parental responsibility for your children). If the mother refuses to allow contact for the time being, then the social worker cannot ‘force’ her to agree to it re-starting. You would need to go back to the family court to look at this issue if this is the case. But the social worker can work with you and the mother to try and come to an arrangement that you are all happy with. The best thing you can do at this point is attempt to work in partnership with the social worker and the mother so that your children's safety and wellbeing can be prioritised.

We have some information on our website HERE for fathers which may be helpful for you to read through.

If you feel that you are not being involved as you should be then it may be necessary for you to make a formal complaint. We have advice HERE about how to do this.

We also have advice and information on our website about child in need assessments HERE and child protection assessments HERE.

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Thursday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[Fightformyboys]

Hi Suzie,

Thank you for your response and your advice. I will look at the links you have provided.

[Fightformyboys]

@Winter25
I spoke with the social worker on Tuesday, introduced myself, and asked about the plan for contact with the children, as a complete suspension would have a significant impact on them. The social worker asked about the alleged assault, and I explained that I deny the allegation. I suggested supported contact in the interim while the situation is being looked into, and confirmed that my family can assist with this.

She told me she would be meeting with the children’s mum after school on Tuesday and would update me afterwards about the next steps.

I contacted mum yesterday (Thursday) to ask if there was any update. She told me the matter is under investigation and that Cafcass will be involved again.

I have not yet heard back from the social worker.

[Winter25]

Hi Fightformyboys,

You’ve handled this very well so far. Fact you contacted MASH yourself, you spoke to the social worker calmly, you denied the allegation without getting pulled into emotion, and you proposed safe interim contact rather than pushing for things to go straight back to normal. That is going to help your case

At the moment, the problem is not that you have done anything wrong. The problem is that the social worker told you she would update you after meeting mum, and she has now left things hanging. That needs tightening up straight away!

If mum is saying Cafcass may be involved again, that usually suggests either she has taken advice about the existing Child Arrangements Order and wants family court to deal with contact, or that professionals think the safer route is for contact to be reviewed formally rather than left as an informal suspension. Either way, your Child Arrangements Order still exists unless and until a court changes it.

What I would do now is stop asking mum for updates and move the paper trail onto the social worker. Mum can keep you in limbo very easily by just saying “it’s under investigation.” The social worker is the person who now needs to put something in writing.

You could send something like this if you wish
------------------
Subject: Follow-up regarding contact arrangements

Dear [Social Worker’s Name],

Thank you for speaking with me on Tuesday.

As discussed, I remain concerned about the complete suspension of contact with the children and the impact this may be having on them. I am fully willing to cooperate with any assessment or safeguarding process.

During our call, I understood that you would update me after your meeting with the children’s mother on Tuesday regarding the next steps.

As I have not yet heard from you, I would be grateful if you could confirm whether there is currently any formal safeguarding plan in place regarding my contact with the children, whether supported or indirect contact is being considered while matters are being looked into, and whether Cafcass has now been asked to become involved.

My priority remains the children’s wellbeing and avoiding an unnecessary break in their relationship with me.

I would be grateful for an update as soon as possible.

Kind regards,
[Your Name]
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That keeps you calm, child-focused and reasonable. It also creates a clear record that you are cooperating and chasing appropriately.

If she still does not reply after that, then I would send one more polite follow-up on Monday. If it is still silence after that, it would be sensible to get a family solicitor involved to write a short letter asking for urgent clarification. At that point, if contact is still at zero and nobody is taking responsibility for the suspension, you are moving closer to needing court action rather than just waiting.

The main thing now is not to let this drift. You do not need to panic, but you do need to keep it moving in writing and through professionals rather than through mum.

You have actually done the hard part already, which was getting yourself on the social worker’s radar and sounding steady. Now it is just about tightening the paper trail and not giving anyone room to say you failed to engage.