24 years later (speaking to oldest daughter)

[finaldj0]

Hi all,

This is a bit different from my previous posts about my youngest daughter and social services.

Around 20 years ago, I was accused of sexually abusing my stepdaughter (allegations were said to have happened when she was aged 4–6). I was facing a potential 16-year sentence, but I was found not guilty in court.

At the time, my eldest daughter was 2 years old. I went through the family courts, but due to a lot of issues including my ex-partner making false allegations and struggling with serious mental health problems I never ended up having contact with my eldest daughter growing up.

She is now 24. Recently, I decided to take a chance and reached out to her on social media. I honestly expected to be ignored or blocked, but instead she replied and said she had a lot of questions.

Over the past few days, we’ve been talking privately. She’s asked about her childhood, my relationship with her mum, and also about my youngest daughter (her half-sister). She’s even said she’d like contact with her in the future.

This has all come about because she’s currently in therapy and has requested her childhood records from Social Care. After reading some of that and talking with me, she’s now unsure about the truth of the original allegations although she understands that her older half-sister still believes they happened.

My question is this:

When she requests her records from Social Care, would they include any information about my current life, relationship, or my youngest daughter? I assume they wouldn’t be legally allowed to share that, but I’m not certain.
She has also requested police reports relating to the original allegations. My former stepdaughter has apparently done the same.
Will the police release those records without my permission, or access files relating to me without informing me?

I’m not overly worried about what’s written, as I’ve been honest, but I’d like to understand what can legally be shared and what can’t.

Any advice or insight would be appreciated.

[Winter25]

Hi finaldj0,

What a huge moment this must be for you. For your daughter to reply at all after all these years, and to be asking questions rather than shutting the door, is a very significant step. It sounds as though she is trying to make sense of a very complicated past, and the fact she is willing to speak to you suggests she is approaching it with an open mind.

On your actual question, the short answer is:

your adult daughter can ask for records about herself and her childhood

that may still include historical information about you, because you were part of her story

but that does not mean social care or police can simply hand over unrestricted information about your current private life, your current relationship, or your youngest daughter

Under data protection rules, a subject access request is for the requester’s own personal data, and organisations have to consider third-party information carefully. That usually means mixed records are reviewed and, where necessary, other people’s information is limited or redacted.

So, on the social care side, if your daughter has asked for her childhood records, she may well receive records that refer to you, your ex-partner, the allegations, and the way professionals dealt with the family at that time. But unrelated current information about your present household or your youngest daughter should not simply be disclosed to her as a matter of course. If there is mixed information, the local authority should be considering third-party rights before release.

On the police side, it is similar in principle. Your former stepdaughter can ask for her own data connected to the allegation and investigation. Your eldest daughter can ask for her own data. But that does not give either of them an open right to your entire police file. Police, like other data controllers, have to consider third-party data and relevant exemptions when responding.

I would also be careful about assuming the police would need your permission or would notify you before responding. A SAR is generally a matter between the requester and the organisation holding the data. There is not usually a general duty to alert other people mentioned in the records.

So the safest plain-English answer is:

your eldest may see historic material about the old case if it forms part of her own records

your former stepdaughter may see material relating to her own complaint and involvement

but neither should simply be handed broad, current information about your present family life without careful review and redaction

I think the most useful practical advice is this:

keep doing what you are doing with your daughter, calm, honest, and not defensive, do not assume that whatever she receives will automatically be a full or balanced account
and if you are worried about what is actually held about you now, you could consider making your own SAR to the relevant police force and/or local authority so you understand what sits on file from your side too. The ICO confirms you can make a SAR for your own personal data.

So no, I would not panic that she is about to be given an open window into your entire current life. But yes, historical records about her childhood may include material about you because you were part of those events.
====
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the system, offering supportive and strategic guidance.

[finaldj0]

Thanks for that.

I'm not too worried what's on the police files (historical information) I've been open with her about that stuff so I'm not worried what might show on that.

She's told me that she's hasn't had the best child hood growing up and did what most kids do questioned why she didn't have a dad. The only things she says is that her mum or half sister from that side won't talk about the past and her mum hasn't really liked or being the best parent growing up, but now she's older and there are no kids at home she's getting along better with her. but she's told me that she has a ton of different mental health conditions. Some I knew of but a load I didn't, I've told her that she made other allegations about stuff when I was with her (other people) but I was the only one that got further to court.

She has said that I have made the most sense to her than anyone. I did say to her that upto when she was 16 I kept all the transcripts of court case and family case and that I was hoping one day she could read them and see everyone side but when she was 16 I accepted I won't probably ever see her and decided to destroy the files. So I told her you only have my word now against your mum and sister. I did say to her my wife of 20 years has seen the files so I couldn't lie what everyone said and she did take sometime to think about it because it was a big thing to take in at the time and we have a 12 year old child now. I said that as a suggestion from my wife if she would like to talk to her when she is ready to see how she dealt with it at the time and come to live with it she's happy to have that conversation with her.

I did say to her that there was a lot of not very nice stuff said in the court files something I thought now wouldn't be something that would benefit her. But she told me she's in a better place now to understand things and wants to work things out in her own head. She's doubting the allegations but also said that her sister believes these have happened and she will have to accept this. I did say things happened to her mum when she was younger and her mum never believed her, she accused others but never got police or court involved but one person was going to be a witness for me in court for that and I believe that as a result of your mums past that she mentally believes these things have happened to her daughter.

But we've been getting along well so far I'm still 50/50 as to whether it just fizzles out to be honest her mum and sister don't know she's doesn't want to fall out with them but I did say as some point in the future you will have to let them know and then make a choice.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi all,

This is a bit different from my previous posts about my youngest daughter and social services.

Around 20 years ago, I was accused of sexually abusing my stepdaughter (allegations were said to have happened when she was aged 4–6). I was facing a potential 16-year sentence, but I was found not guilty in court.

At the time, my eldest daughter was 2 years old. I went through the family courts, but due to a lot of issues including my ex-partner making false allegations and struggling with serious mental health problems I never ended up having contact with my eldest daughter growing up.

She is now 24. Recently, I decided to take a chance and reached out to her on social media. I honestly expected to be ignored or blocked, but instead she replied and said she had a lot of questions.

Over the past few days, we’ve been talking privately. She’s asked about her childhood, my relationship with her mum, and also about my youngest daughter (her half-sister). She’s even said she’d like contact with her in the future.

This has all come about because she’s currently in therapy and has requested her childhood records from Social Care. After reading some of that and talking with me, she’s now unsure about the truth of the original allegations although she understands that her older half-sister still believes they happened.

My question is this:

When she requests her records from Social Care, would they include any information about my current life, relationship, or my youngest daughter? I assume they wouldn’t be legally allowed to share that, but I’m not certain.
She has also requested police reports relating to the original allegations. My former stepdaughter has apparently done the same.
Will the police release those records without my permission, or access files relating to me without informing me?

I’m not overly worried about what’s written, as I’ve been honest, but I’d like to understand what can legally be shared and what can’t.

Any advice or insight would be appreciated.

Dear finaldj0

Suzie (FRG Adviser) here, thank you for your update and your questions.

I am glad to read that you are in contact with your daughter and that the contact may be a part of the ‘journey of healing’ for her and you.

For general information about what can be requested from children’s services our
advice sheets 6A and 6B may be useful.

Guidance that local authorities might refer to can be read here.

To your question “whether the police share information”, it may be wise for you to ask them, here is a link to the Information Commissioner’s Office outlining how to request information from your local police force.


Best wishes
Suzie
Family Rights Group Adviser