Feel so ignored by social services

[Desperatemother22]

I never imagined that after surviving domestic violence and coercive control, rebuilding my life would still leave me feeling so powerless.

Over the last few years I have worked incredibly hard to turn my life around. I have remained free from substances, secured stable housing, and I am now in the final stages of completing a nursing degree. I have spent years proving to myself and others that I am capable, responsible and committed to creating a positive future.

Yet despite all of this, I feel as though I am constantly having to defend myself.

I lost three of my children to adoption. For years, my older children were able to maintain contact with their younger siblings. However, when my eldest son turned 18 and chose to reconnect with me, that contact between the siblings ceased.

At a recent meeting I respectfully expressed my personal feelings about the adoption. As a birth mother, I still struggle with the reality of what happened. I stated that, in my eyes, the adopters are not my children's parents. Whether people agree with that view or not, it was an honest expression of grief and loss.

I was shocked to later receive communication suggesting that this opinion was evidence that I am unstable.

At the same time, a parenting assessment that I have been asking for continues to be delayed, deadlines keep moving, and attempts have been made to arrange visits at times when it was already known I would be unavailable. These situations are then used to suggest that I have not engaged.

The result is that I feel unheard, judged and bullied. I feel as though decisions have already been made and that anything I say or do can be interpreted negatively. Questions go unanswered and concerns are dismissed.

I am not asking for special treatment. I am asking for fairness, transparency and accountability. I am asking to be judged on who I am today, not who I was during the most traumatic period of my life.

Right now, I feel exhausted, defeated and helpless. No matter how hard I try, it feels like I cannot win.

I know there are many families who have had positive experiences with social services, and I respect the difficult job that many professionals do. But there also needs to be space for parents and birth families to speak honestly about their experiences when they feel they are not being heard.

Thank you to everyone who continues to support me through what has been the most painful journey of my life.