Can anyne help?

[avalons]

Hi I will give some background and hope someone may be able to offer a little advice as to where I may stand.

I am a mother of 4 children,3 from a previous relationship and 1 from my current partner.This current partner 14 yrs ago was convicted of abuse of a minor (not rape) and served his time and is on the sor.He and his family have always denied it and I myself cant see anyway it could be true though I need to add im not blinded by love so to speak my children are my life and id never put them in any danger.Hes amazing with them all including his own child,All he wants is to put it all behind him and focus on being a good father and partner and build a life for himself.I wasnt aware of any of this until a month ago.
He was arrested for another offence (motoring) and has apparently broken his terms of licence by not declaring he is in a relationship and spent some time away from his home and with me and is now awating sentencing in prison.The police want to apply for a sexual crimes order meaning he would only be allowed to be near the children supervised by someone aware of his past which includes me they say.

So my question now is ss have been made aware and though Ive not made any final desision on the future I stll love him very much and I know for a fact he never has nor would do anything to hurt the children.If im to want to stay in a relationship on release what are ss likely to want to do? Will they take into consideration the police say supervision at all times and go with that or make there own minds up and decide what they want?

Looking back I can see he always followed me around and always made me take the children with me upon leaving the house im guessing to protect himself so no allegations can be made by the police.Also before all this I already had ss involved to help with my daughter who has her own issues with her temper/not wanting to go scohol etc but this spans back before I met him but this was my own personal choice and I asked ss for help with this so they know my children well and know they can always come visit and check things out and know the children will speak openly if anything ever worried them,Same goes for family we are all close and the children see family 3+ times a week so they would always have an outlet no matter what.
So id like to know where this could all stand with ss if I decided to want to continue a relationship with him?

Him and myself are more than willing to go by any rules set by ss and the police and encourage them to help us as much as possible im just so worried and unsure what to do and what could happen.

Oh and my mother is aware of the whole situation and sees the children most days and are very close to the children.

[avalons]

ss have been in contact and have told me if I was to continue a relationship with him they will take me to court to look at removing the children guess thats it for me now no hope what so ever

They want me to sign an agreement to this effect.

[ange301126]

Dear avalons. I understand that you are in a terrible situation where you are being forced to choose between your boyfriend and your children.
You think he is being badly treated considering he has already paid for any past crimes and changes and so on should be considered before such harsh decisions are made. I am unable to comment on the restrictions sex offenders are expected to follow but I agree it is reasonable that they should be watched carefully for a considerable length of time and perhaps for life.
Whether they should be excluded from all normal human relationships and a family life permanently ( without full consideration being given to changes,psychological reports etc) is another matter .
I am just an ordinary parent like you , no expert. The only advice I can give is that you get advice from a human rights solicitor before you sign anything whilst stressing to the CS that you are quite willing to cooperate with their enquiries.

Then contact the FRG advice line for advocacy.There is also the Citizen's Advice Bureau.

Do you not think it significant or are you not alarmed that he has apparently broken his parole conditions? Could you say he has hidden anything from you and can it possibly be that he has wheedled his way into your life just to be close to your children? You have probably pondered over it already and now you have to choose. Wouldn't it be wise to sign and agree to separation for now and save your children?

If he loves you , he can fight the human rights issues himself in a court and the court will decide your fates.Meanwhile ask whether you will be permitted to have one last contact with him.Hope this helps.

[mimzy1991]

Hi there. I have been through something similar to you, and after 16 months have finally had my case closed. Bit of background: My Mothers ex partner was convicted of grooming a child, and served time in prison, was on the SOR and was subject to MAPPA visits every two weeks. I found out I was pregnant whilst he was in prison, however remained living with my Mother due to mental health problems and needing support. Rightly, upon his release Social Services became involved and we were instantly taken up to child protection, despite me, my ex, and my Mother saying we would not allow contact between me and my child with him. They said that for him to be around children, he had to be supervised by someone who knew his crimes fully, but then said because my Mam knew of his crimes but was still in a relationship with him, she obviously didn't understand the seriousness of his conviction and therefore my baby would not be safe. She was practically given the choice of end your relationship, or me and my baby would be moved to a safe place. Despite us already signing an agreement saying we would not allow contact, I had nothing to do with him, and eventually she didn't either, we were on Child Protection for 9 months and Child In Need for 7.
Each case is different, however I spotted a lot of similarities between our cases so thought I would share my story with you to maybe guide you. I was never threatened with the removal of my child however I was fully supportive of him having no contact with my Mam's ex, so Social Services agreed me and baby could stay at home with my Mum, and they would call in unannounced. You could try speaking to the social worker and seeing if there is anyway with support and work done you could continue a relationship, the NSPCC, Barnado's and Lucy Faithall do work with families and people who have been convicted of such crimes.
Wishing you the best x

[Redjellybeans]

Can't help but in a similar situation, get rid of oh or they will remove the kids. They don't so much as say it but it's the underlying current of every visit. My children are on cp plan have been for 8 months, now saying they want proof I'm divorcing him as they don't believe me! Making me rush through the process which I'm not comfortable with, I know it is inevitable but don't like being pushed so much.