problem with school and CS

[richw1982]

Ok me and my wife have an on going problem with our school which keeps getting CS involved

i will start at the beginning the school family liason officer turned up at my house to give my wife some paperwork to get my son extra help for my son. after leaving she phone CS and said the way the house was didnt come up to standards (at no point did she comment when she was here or ask y the house was as it was) CS come out and done a full investigation and spoke to me and my wife i said the house was not dirty as had been reported but was a little cluttered and we were sorting through bits and decorating one of the kids rooms at the time. after a few more check ups the case was all closed down and they were all happy.

the second time they were called it was reported by my daughter that i had grabbed her round the neck and thrown her out the back door in to a stack of paving slabs and on to the concrete floor ( i can clearly understand why it was reported) on this occasion i was questioned under caution on if i smacked the kids and what had happened. i explained to the officer that in the morning we had got some bad news that my father in law was taken in to hospital and they had found bowel cancer and my wife was very upset i was trying to sort the pack lunches out when my daughter started having a tantrum beacuse my wife had told her to talk to me if she had a problem as she was trying to get hold of her dad. At this point my daughter really started to kick off so i picked her up putting my hands under her arms and stood her out side the back door and told her to calm down. i went back to making the lunches as i had to leave in a few minutes to go to work after no more than 5 min my daughter come in and i asked her if she had calmed down and what was the matter she spoke to me nicely and with no problems and everything was sorted (she just wanted something extra in her lunch) i went to work i got a phone call from my wife saying the kids were being interviewed by the police and CS when i got there i answered all the questions and asked a few like if i had done anything that i had been accused off there would be marks and scratches from hitting the concrete floor. shortly after this she admitted to the police and CS that i had placed her out side the door and not done as she had said. after a few home visits and bits the case was all closed and notes were made that my eldest boy had severe spectrum adhd and my youngest was probable the same.

when my youngest started at the school i was called in before he got to the end of the day as they could not cope with his behavior and he needed to be watched all the time or he was off like a shot. on his first day he got out of the class and was running around the playing field hit the teacher and threw a chair accost the room at this point i said to the school that if they could not cope they had to report that they could not cope and ask to have him statemented like his brother.

i have now beem reported to CS by the school again and to my knowledge this is the 5th time they have reported me 3rd time of being investigated.

the allegation this time is that i grabbed my youngest arm and have poked him. my other two children have stated that i never poke them but we do have tickle fights and this could be what he means and they did not know of me grabbing his arm. i did grab his arm but this was because he went to run accost the road in front of traffic. And a simple 2 min conversation of what was you doing when daddy grabbed your arm cleared the matter up but CS have still got to investigate as it was reported by the school same as all the other reports.

what can i do as the stress is making me and my wife ill and we cant stop my youngest from doing things as we get reported for every thing i told him off at school for shutting a child's head in a door and said it was dangerous and he would not like it done to him this got turned in to chastisement if i send the kids to bed early for being naughty its reported as nasty punishment methods i have CS coming out tomorrow so really need some help

Many thanks in advance Rich

[charmed1]

Dear Rich. This sounds all too familiar unfortunately.

the second time they were called it was reported by my daughter that i had grabbed her round the neck and thrown her out the back door in to a stack of paving slabs and on to the concrete floor ( i can clearly understand why it was reported) on this occasion i was questioned under caution on if i smacked the kids and what had happened. i explained to the officer that in the morning we had got some bad news that my father in law was taken in to hospital and they had found bowel cancer and my wife was very upset i was trying to sort the pack lunches out when my daughter started having a tantrum beacuse my wife had told her to talk to me if she had a problem as she was trying to get hold of her dad. At this point my daughter really started to kick off so i picked her up putting my hands under her arms and stood her out side the back door and told her to calm down. i went back to making the lunches as i had to leave in a few minutes to go to work after no more than 5 min my daughter come in and i asked her if she had calmed down and what was the matter she spoke to me nicely and with no problems and everything was sorted (she just wanted something extra in her lunch) i went to work i got a phone call from my wife saying the kids were being interviewed by the police and CS when i got there i answered all the questions and asked a few like if i had done anything that i had been accused off there would be marks and scratches from hitting the concrete floor. shortly after this she admitted to the police and CS that i had placed her out side the door and not done as she had said. after a few home visits and bits the case was all closed and notes were made that my eldest boy had severe spectrum adhd and my youngest was probable the same.

What happened to me was this. Our daughter has a learning disability, GDD and speech and language delay. One morning I attempted to get her to change out of our daughter put on a summer dress for school. I felt it was too cold and wanted her to change. It all kicked off. Major tantrum. I held her by her shoulders and hands to stop her trying to her herself, me or her brother. She went off to school in the taxi happy after it all calmed down.

Our daughter was very late coming home by taxi that day. We called the cab company and was told our daughter was being brought home by the social worker. The social worker, our daughter and a child protection police officer turned up. Both my husband and I were interviewed (my husband was at work when it happened but I told him when he got home before end of school). I was being accused of hurting my daughter's neck. Our daughter has very limited vocabulary, language and understanding. Somehow they had deduced from my daughter that I had hurt her neck, shoulder and leg. No marks were present. It took until the afternoon for them to ask questions. This followed my daughter complaining of a hurt neck as she found swallowing difficult during her dinner. School immediately assume I had grabbed her. It could have been a sore throat as we had had colds in the family. Same at our son's nursery. Two small bruises on his lower back. Immediately they assume we caused them. Reported to social worker.

We never had the chance to speak about this. The police interview report evaporated into thin air. No further action as no evidence. The school and nursery were/are in the social worker's back pocket. Our son is now in school and our daughter has a year left at the current school. They are a nightmare. They throw mud until something sticks. You are assumed to be guilty and have little chance of defending yourself. I know I should 've handled my daughter's tantrums differently. The school ignored my requests for advice as they stated she never has the tantrums at school so it must be something I'm doing wrong. Possibly that's why I was asking for help. Of course they have to refer everything to the social worker so it's a non starter. Our daughter has a statement of special needs and attends an infant school with SEN unit attached. She is 6.5 and our son who is in mainstream school is nearly 5.

They tell you you're are doing this wrong and that wrong. It gets put in a report and that's the first you know about it. Sorry to be negative but I'm living it and it is so hard. Our kids are now in foster care under a placement order for adoption. We are fighting hard to get them home.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Rich,

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your family are having. I can see that there have been a number of referrals to children services which have been investigated but then the file has been closed.
I can see that you are worried about your son’s behaviour as well and that you might be worried about losing confidence in how to deal with some of your sons behaviour.
Have you spoken to the social worker about your worries? S/he could consider whether a specialist health assessment might be necessary from your local child and adolescent mental health (CAMH’s)? Or you could ask for an assessment via the school. You could also ask for the support of a parenting course to help you deal with the behaviour.

The social worker assessment process that is used is the same each time a referral is made and is usually time limited. At the end of each assessment you can ask for a copy of the assessment report. Have a look at our information about assessments.
I hope this helps.

Best wishes,

Suzie