adopted family

[Cloggy2]

Although I am against Forced Adoption and have spoken up about it, thru **** and other news a, I believe that sometimes a new family is the only way for a child.
We adopted siblings that were *********. We were not informed of this until year 7. However the adoption report stated 'Immediate therapy'. We fought for therapy through the placing authority for the 3 post adoption years. Both we and Barnardos received no response.
Then began abuse and accusations from our local authority that lasted over 5 years.
We've had our daughter diagnosed with **********. SS stated that there was no evidence. We've given them the evidence as stated by their own independent psychotherapist. They also on two occasions, rejected a Family Futures assessment. The second of which was supported by the Psychotherapist. FF were decommissioned.
Our daughter was taken into care for **********. We took her back and she went on the CP register. Then, at a meeting, ss asked how long we'd had a solicitor. We said about a year. Then we were told that things had got better and they were dropping the case.
A few years on and our son **********************************************************. He is getting the help from ss, who are blaming us for allowing it!
The week after he went into care, our daughter decided to do the same. ****************************************** However she told mam that she had changed her mind. On the day, I think ss persuaded her and with two in care, that was enough for ss to put all three on the register. The one with no issues and remains at home was not spoken to until yesterday. 2 months later.
Our daughter went into care knowing we could have her back. She did not know that we have both asked and it has been denied. Now she knows as we have made contact, which ss don't like and are arranging an order to block any further.
********************************************************************************************************************. ***************************************************************************I am the closest to her and it hurts. I moved away as the previous occasion lost me my business and caused health issues. Heart and depression. Since then, I am restored, but I was not home when she went and will never understand why?
With recent CP issues, I've suffered high blood pressure and a heart rate of 280 bpm. I have a heart procedure on Monday. SS use that against us too.
In reality, I believe that we will lose all kids. Two that don't want this. The third is close to Mam, but will need long term help. I know being away had an impact on him. I even text him to say that I was sorry I went away. We had spent some time with each other at Xmas. *******************************************.
I now feel for many birth parents who have lost their children.
We gave up everything to leave **** (*** wife) to adopt kids. Now lost everything through adoption. Even selling house. Tried to move last year. Got buyers, but they haven't. Things could have been so different.

[ange301126]

Dear cloggy2, the problem is that social workers often fail children and remove them from natural family wrongly.
In truth, it is probable that the children were not neglected or sexually abused in the first place.
They may well have been removed from their parents on unlawful CS evidence and it is highly likely they suffered severe emotional disturbance in the care system because of it.It is also a possibility they have been sexually abused by social workers or residential home workers.
The fact they deceived you for seven years should tell you something. They must have deceived the Court too, believe me they often do.
Do you know if the natural parents were actually convicted of anything? Have you seen any conclusive evidence ? If not,quite frankly you should be extremely sceptical of anything they tell you.
Thanks for your post and please would you contribute to our general discussion,support for parents thread which you will see on the forum.You are very welcome.

[charmed1]

Dear Cloggy. Firstly a big thank you. I mean that sincerely. I am a parent who's two children one with special needs are facing the prospect of forced adoption. In my case my husband and I both had poor childhood experiences which we brought into our own parenting. My childhood was much worse than my husband's but he was abused outside the family so he has had a lot to deal with too . We are both in therapy and not in denial anymore. The judge in our case has granted a placement order for 6 months only. The LA have been asked to return in July if no adopters foundfir the placement order to be revoked.

Your story has scared me considerably. It never occurred to me that an adopted child could later be back on the CP register and possibly removed from adopters back into care. My understanding was that once adopted the child and new family were "supported" for a short while then left to it.

Just like birth parents you have been accused of causing the very behaviour you are asking help for. Our daughter has very delayed speech, learning disability (GDD). The social worker denies this and says she is "thriving" talking more than she did in our care. She says learnt sentences but you can't have a conversation with her and she's 6.5 now. If they were to be honest she would not be as adoptable. I'm sorry but they will keep the "facts" from you so not to put you off. That is not in the child's best interests. Our 4 year old son (nearly 5) is "normal" but even then as they both have the same parents they say that he has delay too. No qualified professional in child development agrees. In fact he's advanced for his age.

I am so glad you have come into this forum and detailed what it really like after a child is adopted. Not all this flannel that the social services put out. An increasing number of TV programmes are more like advertising for them. Glossing over the truth. A line from the movie "A Few Good Men" comes to mind. "Truth? You can't handle the truth!"

As ange has said many children are removed from their birth parents unnecessarily in our case because the case was talking too long and the children needed a "forever home". The delay and wasted court time is down to the LA not the parents. Our case from beginning to placement order being granted took nearly 12 months and it's not over yet.

[Cloggy2]

I'm sorry to hear all this, but I am fully aware. The issues with the birth parents in our case are fact! Otherwise, I would have many concerns!
**************************************************. I can't go into the issues and it is something that the kids have to deal with at some time in the future.
Adoptive and Foster carers are speaking up, but it won't help us in our generation. I feel for the kids, but unable to stop the injustice from Social Services. **** will come down at some point. Focussing on our own needs, but it is wrong. I am known around the world.... but can't help my own kids.
Yes, They withheld information for so long and offered no post adoption support. Yet this was for financial reasons I believe. The amount of Adopters speaking up are growing. Some have lost their children. Some are unsure of the real reasons that they were adopted. We are, but it has focussed ourselves on the issues, purely as we are now going through the same. 'If it can happen to us, it can happen with the birth family' WHY?

[ange301126]

Dear cloggy,

This is a Government-sponsored forum and as such isn't likely to go down.The organizers moderate the boards strictly but their policies are consistent.
It is obvious from what you say that the things we complain about on here are already well understood by you and others ( I've had a quick look).

Please stay with us and advise parents as and when you can.Also , kindly add your experience and expertise to the discussion thread, the gist of which is critical of the CS as you are.

We have made progress gradually over the past couple of years and have made one or two breaksthrough into officialdom .An official Parliamentary spokesman has actually advised us when and how to effectively challenge unlawful evidence. See the thread
'MY ATTEMPTS TO CHANGE CHILDREN'S SERVICES' by Blueplain and 'DIRECTOR OF COMMUNITIES AND PEOPLE' by the same person.
Also last year,due to FRG advice and other help , one mother overturned a decision at a placement order hearing .

Hi All,

I just wish to add that the Parents Forum is not a government sponsored forum. However, we do have government funding for our advice service.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[Cloggy2]

I will speak as I can, but feel at a loss when I can't help my own. So I need advice too.
I will update things soon.

[Cloggy2]

Ange. I read the first article. Thinking of ways to get through our issues. Don't know how much frg can help?
A bit numb and down at the moment. Hopefully pick up after my heart procedure on Monday. Back to work asap. Been off due to shut down for Easter. Will go through forum then.

[Cloggy2]

Who is best to write to for help with our story. I have a child desperate to come home and one desperate to stay home!

[ange301126]

Dear cloggy,I am an ordinary parent like you and I am looking for answers too.
However,you can rest assured now that the FRG can and will help you with the best advice available.They have been in the business for 40 years and Suzie,the professional advisor will look at they individual circumstances of your case then refer you to all the relevant advice sheets and so on then tell you what to say to your solicitor and how to approach the CS more effectively,how to challenge them effectively etc.
There is an advice line also which you can telephone to discuss matters..They also provide a limited, free, advocacy service which is a great help to those in London area.

Right now you are bound to feel depressed,who wouldn't with a heart procedure on Monday. From one parent to another,concentrate on getting better yourself; that must be your priority at this time.Your children will understand that and will realise the reasons when they get older.

Suzie will most likely have replied to your post by the time you get out of hospital so before you go tell her what type of order is in force if any. Or is there an (S20) voluntary agreement?

I would also mention in case you haven't realised it yet that apart from this parents forum,the FRG run a Carer's forum.Although I have never been on it, there might be more discussion of the problems you have on there than on this one.Hope everything goes ok at hospital.

[Cloggy2]

Thanks Ange.
Due to ********, my daughter wanted to go in care. Both went in on a s 20. We have both asked for her back and been refused. Now she wants back and can't. By having now 2 in care it has ticked ss boxes!
She's desperate to come home. She needs an advocacy. I'm am trying to help her, but our home and 'family' are in ****. I work and live in ****for the past few years. House didn't sell quick enough. Then none of this would have happened!
My son, *************************************. Both of their reasons are not one for this to happen. Although we are blamed for ***********************************************We need fresh faces. Our ** child and others lack of understanding started this. Then our son ************. We should not suffer!