Is it too much to ask?

[charmed1]

I asked the social worker how my kids were doing since we last saw them. The stock response was they are "progressing well" and "thriving". Readers of my posts will conclude that this is not the case. My question is, is there a limit on the amount of detail the social worker can give when asked this question? I asked how my son's school project was going and how our daughter's nature lesson went. I got told that she wasn't permitted to go into that much detail.

http://www.communitycare.co.uk/2009/10/ ... h-parents/

I have researched and found the above link and it states that -

"In terms of maintaining relationships with their children, two key areas emerged: information about the children, and contact."

"Parents spoke about how much they valued regular updates about their children, both formal reports like school reports, school photos and health updates, and also day-to-day information on favourite activities, TV programmes, sports and so on."

"Being kept up to date with this kind of news helped parents manage phone conversations or face-to-face contact, and could inform their choice of birthday presents."

"Parents’ access to this kind of information depended on the attitudes and efficiency of social workers and foster carers, and when parents felt “starved” of regular information it often contributed to their negative attitude to the situation:"

We got reports after repeatedly asking for them. Health reports, favourite activities, TV shows, sports not likely as I said "too detailed".

This is so true yet the social workers are in the process of "weaning" our kids away from us and it's like getting blood out of a stone. Roll on June/July when hopefully we can get a contact order or even better get them home.

Any thoughts welcomed.

[ange301126]

Dear charmed,several times I have asked that my children might be shown how and helped to send a mothers day card to their Mum and possibly birthday or at least a Christmas card to us both.Maybe even thank you cards for relatives who send presents to them.Not a one! Imagine how my wife feels on Mother's Day.

To be honest,pretty much everything we have asked at LAC reviews has been ignored.Such as school reports and photographs have been refused.If I have written to school,they have written back saying I must go through the CS ( even before the ICO was issued) and when I send a letter via the social worker,no reply so it hasn't been passed on.
They try to break you down by this constant mental torture and no-one (especially pros at the FRG) should suppose it is not deliberate policy. You have detailed in your post what procedures should be followed.Once more,I'm afraid it is another example of corruption and inhumanity taking place under conditions of anodyne bureacracy. Spanish practice which is an integral part of the system.

[charmed1]

Dear ange

several times I have asked that my children might be shown how and helped to send a mothers day card to their Mum and possibly birthday or at least a Christmas card to us both.Maybe even thank you cards for relatives who send presents to them.Not a one! Imagine how my wife feels on Mother's Day.

The carers are really nice to us. On Mother's Day I received a big box of chocolates and cards written by the children. Also our birthdays have been received with cards from the children. Yes we are very fortunate in that respect.

To be honest,pretty much everything we have asked at LAC reviews has been ignored.Such as school reports and photographs have been refused.If I have written to school,they have written back saying I must go through the CS ( even before the ICO was issued) and when I send a letter via the social worker,no reply so it hasn't been passed on.

This happened to us. The school were shutting us out as soon as they started proceedings. They didn't get their ICO at the start so the kids remained in our care. Soon as the school were told we got a phone call that evening telling us that our daughter was appearing in a play the next morning! I had an appointment but her Dad went. Shutters were down in expectation of the outcome as usual.

They try to break you down by this constant mental torture and no-one (especially pros at the FRG) should suppose it is not deliberate policy.

It does seem to be some sick policy to see if you can withstand the pressure. I was labelled as having no coping mechanism in a psychology report commissioned by them some 18 months ago. The same report they rely on even now. I have a very strong coping mechanism and no thanks to them. Better than any of them have I'm sure.

[ange301126]

Dear charmed,

It definitely seems as though the schools are just as guilty as the CS.What are they guilty of or does no-one really care but parents? They are violating the very essence of the care order which is that they SHARE p.r with you.

I have gone over your first message again and you mentioned the s.w. Claims she is 'not permitted' to go into details. This suggests she is under direct orders to ignore the ethics you have cited.

Do you agree?

[charmed1]

Dear ange

I have found the email from March and the social worker actually stated "I am not in a position to provide you with such detailed updates". Apologies for misquoting but what does that actually mean?

[ange301126]

Dear charmed,Basically she's saying she can't tell you because she doesn't know herself.Don't forget once children are in foster homes they only have to make statutory visits to children perhaps every two months or so

The simple solution,of course, is that everyone with parental responsibility should be sent details from school and be fully involved in accordance with the care-order.

Copies of school reports etc.should be posted to parents and foster parents alike along with other information of the school. The same should apply to medical.One can only assume that the CS have contrived phoney excuses that the full involvement of parents is against the children's interests.

Don't forget mistruth comes easily to them. No wonder the foster-carers won't cooperate with us as regards cards. The CS told them that we cruelly locked them in their rooms for long periods and severely neglected them even though the Judge actually stated we didn't do so. The foster mum actually accused me openly at a review when I applied for increased contact.The CS will tell anyone anything to get what they want.

As regards deteriorations,keep your eye on the children's percentile growth charts.My daughter only put on three pounds in two years in care.Her graph plummeted but they still claimed she was thriving.