Confidentiality

[Helpplease2014]

Hi

I found this forum whilst looking for information on confidentiality. I have read some of the other posts and it looks like there has been some great advice offered so I am hoping that someone will be able to help me.

In 2011 my partner was convicted of Possession of Indecent Images. He was given a three year probation order, a requirement to attend a course and must comply with the requirements of the sex offender register for five years.

I have known my partner for seven years but in November 2013 he started staying overnight at my house. As I have an 8 year old child he made me aware of his conviction beforehand. After being told the circumstances and having known my partner very well for a significant amount of time I know that his actions were not due to him having a sexual interest in children. I told my partner that I would prefer that my family were not told about it, mainly due to the fact that it is by far easier to judge someone that you do not know. Whilst my family know my partner, I did not feel that they knew him well enough. Due to this my partner subsequently decided that he would not notify the police that he had been staying overnight here. In April 2014 my partner got a job where it was easier for him to travel from my address so he started staying more permanently. The police visited his registered address where his room mates notified them that he had been staying with me. Panicking, as he had breached the terms of his probation, he told them that he had not. He updated me and I told him that he needed to call the police and tell them the truth, to which he did.

The local police advised that SS would be in touch and that they would probably say that my partner could not stay here. When I spoke with SS on the phone they told me that his Probation Officer would tell him where he can reside. His Probation Officer said that she was happy for him to continue staying here. A couple of nights later at 2am we had a visit from the Police who informed us that they had a warrant for his arrest as they had been asked by SS to check that he was not staying here. He was released the next day without charge and it turns out that between two police stations, they had not updated their systems. As my sister lives with me this gave me no choice but to tell her what was happening. Since she knows my partner fairly well, once the situation had been explained to her, she was quite happy that he is not a risk.

My child and I were then visited by a social worker (SW) and spoken to individually. The SW asked why we had not listened and allowed my partner to continue staying here she also said that it did not look good that he had lied about staying here. I advised her of the above and she agreed that this was due to lack of communication between professionals. She told me that SS do not want my partner staying here whilst they are carrying out their assessment to which I agreed. She also asked about notifying my child's father and I said that I had thought about it and I will continue to do so.

After meeting with myself, my child and my partner I had another visit from the SW where she advised that they do not consider my partner a risk to my child, there concern now was that there were quite a high number of other pornographic images also found on his system and that even after the indecent images were found, he continued to download other pornographic images. The SW also implied that there may be some kind of manipulation and that this is now what they wanted to assess.

My partner and I were then asked to visit the SW where her manager also ended up joining us. They told us that they would like to tell my child's father. By this point I had had plenty of time to think about this and all possible outcomes that telling him could have. I decided against it completely as, if my child's father was to react badly, the damage to my child would be life changing. Whilst we get along very well now, my child's father has previously sought 'custody' over my child and has before tried everything he can to make my life as difficult as possible. This included bad mouthing me in front of my child which had a huge affect and left my child coming home very upset, distant or not wanting to talk to me. Questioning why 'Daddy was saying these things'. I cannot risk that happening again. We have told SS that we are completely happy to co-operate in any other way whatsoever. My partner has said that he will discuss this with any professional they would like him to. We have agreed and complied with their decision for my partner not to stay during their assessment. I have told them that I am happy for them to speak to the school, childcare, doctors and any other professional in my child's life. I even said that if they really wanted to speak with my child's father then they could do so without disclosing their reasons for doing so. SS have advised that they cannot do this due to him also having PR and that they would also like him to be aware of any possible change in my child's behaviour. Our argument is that they have said that they do not see my partner to be a risk to my child therefore telling his father about his conviction will have no benefit whatsoever. We also said that talking to him and advising him to look for any potential change in behaviour also does not mean they have to disclose the details of his conviction. We have advised them that now that my sister knows and lives here, we are happy for them to talk to her. I will also be looking into a course with Lucy Faithfull purely to show SS that we are proactive in protecting my child.

My questions for you are:

-Can SS tell my child's father details of the conviction without my/our consent?

-As they have said that they believe my partner is not a risk to my child; once the contract we signed stating that he cannot reside here expires, can he come back without there being any repercussions?

Apologies for the long and perhaps rambling post - any advice greatly appreciated!

Thank you!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Helpplease24

Welcome to our discussion board. Due to technical difficulties, and a limited staff team, I apologise for the late response.

Your post indicates that you have fully cooperated with Children's Services ongoing assessment of your family. It is essential you continue to do so.

Under the circumstances, it will be important that they complete a risk assessment. You can ask them how long they expect this to take and for a written copy of the recommendations from it.

Be prepared for them to hold a multi agency initial child protection conference to consider if a safety plan is required or at the very least to consider any support needs under a child in need plan. The Lucy Faithfull foundation will be very helpful to talk to at this stage.

With regards your child's father he should be informed of any key decisions or actions that the Local Authority decide to take. You may wish to seek legal advice on this from http://www.lawsociety.org.uk.

If you wish to speak to an adviser about your situation please contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 to 03.00 pm.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[Barney]

Hi Helpplease,
I have personal experience of this and would offer you this honest advice, do not let your partner stay over and cooperate fully with CS. If you don't you will stand a real chance of losing your children. Just from reading your post I can see some major red flags that would cause serious concern, the fact your partner has already shown signs of dishonesty, this will be used as evidence that he is not to be trusted and cannot cooperate with different agencies, your resistance of sharing the information with your children's biological father will be interpreted as you not accepting the risk posed by your partner.
In direct response to your questions if your child's father shares parental responsibility they yes they can share information with him, and also any other significant people in your child's life for eg: school, doctors, nurseries. Depending on the age of the children they may even speak to them.
If CS have asked you to sign a contract then stick to it, they will probably ask you to sign another one once this expires until a full risk assessment is completed. Be warned these agreements are quite often your only chance if you break the agreement this will become the evidence required that you fail to cooperate.

I would say be realistic you are in a relationship with a registered sex offender, this will be something that you have to accept if you stay in this relationship. Any hint of not accepting his interest in child pornography is a failure to protect your children. If you do decide to do courses with Lucy Faithful it should be with a view to educating yourself, protecting your children and not just to appease CS.