Custodial father now in prison - now to get my girl back

[zubie123]

Okay its been a while since i have been on here. To cut a long story short my ex partner lied his way through court and got custody of my daughter as nobody listened to what a physco he actually was. I stopped having contact with my daughter in november last year a while after the final hearing, i was continuing to get abuse from my ex in front of our daughter and he was continuing to breach the court order as he has done so through out all of our agreements. I contacted solicitor but she did not think he had breached the order, solicitor said its unlikely it will make it back to court and i probably would not get any more funding, after lots of thinking, crying, deliberating i made the awful choice to stop seeing my daughter as i was just not safe with him in the picture, he is mentally ill and i have been telling all authorities this since the beginning of our troubles. Now 8 months since i have seen my daughter, my ex's mother and sister turned up at my house to tell me that my ex is in custody for all of the vile threats he has been making to his mum and the rest of his family (including killing her and raping her) they also apologized for going along with my ex about me supposedly abusing my daughter, they admitted they know i would never do that and now they are willing to do anything to help me!! My daughter was placed into temp foster care as it was so late at night, i have had to agree for her to stay in foster care while assessments are carried out on both myself and my ex. I have a meeting with social worker at some point this week, i am very nervous as i have gone through the story and proven myself so many times but no one has ever listened to me and now the inevitable has happened - she is in foster care as he was unable to care for her - police searched his flat which is not in a suitable state for a child and they also found items that have caused grave concern- they will not disclose what the items are, he has now been remanded until court date.
I just feel like i need some advice on how i can actually get my point across this time and i am worried that things will all go in his favor again even after everything that he has done! Has anyone had meetings with social services and been happy with the result as i certainly haven't. Any suggestions?

[ange301126]

Dear zubie123,Suzie will come online shortly with advice .As another parent I hope I can help you a bit in the meantime.I suggest you will need a capable advocate in addition to a good solicitor in order that your voice is heard . The CS will now have to make a fresh care-plan in respect of your daughter and you cannot be sure they will automatically be more responsive to you even though you are proven correct in all you said previously.They may carry on ignoring you!

You should give thought to your choices.If your last solicitor was useless,for example,get a better one this time.I am not sure of what your position is as far as legal funding is concerned.I suppose the CS can change the care-plan to foster care without going to court if they want to in which case, you will have to make an application yourself.Suzie or someone else may know better than me.Also try and find a better advocate service this time.Someone might be able to recommend you one.Keep in touch with the forum and good luck.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Zubie123

Welcome back to the discussion board.

I would certainly agree that it is essential that you seek legal advice via http://www.lawsociety.org.uk so you can have the best legal reprsentation at this time. You may wish to refer to our advice sheet on : parental responsibility in the meantime.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[zubie123]

Hello again.
Things are moving along slowly, im getting to see my daughter twice a week at a social services organized family centre. Had court date on 12th Sept so SC could get an interim care order as my ex was threatening everyday to remove her from foster care, social care and cafcass have now come to realise what a psycho my ex is and now everything I have been saying for tHe past two years has now been believed thank god! As I said in my previous post the police found items of grave concern, I found out that there was cannabis, grinder, needles and steroids!! My daughter has repeated some very awful things that she has overheard my ex say, will take time for her to forget those but at least now she is in good care. Ex hasn't been showing up to contacts or appointmentS so I have no idea what he's playing at anymore! I am feeling positive but I do have this constant worry that social care will put her up for adoption no matter what the outcome of my parenting assessments/ psychiatric assessment and drug tests. I have seen it on documentarys before-! Has anyone else had to go through this_ does anyone have any advice? I am supervised in contact every time and this week I was observed by the lady who does my parenting assessments, she said contact was very good and I do everything the way a parent should basically but I do still worry! The final hearing is in Feb next year so my poor little girl would have spent 8 months in foster care all because nobody took notice of what I said in the first place! I have a much better solicitor now and barista is brilliant. Luckily as this is now a civil case through local authority I am entitled to full legal aid! Like I say I just worry that no matter what they think of me she will end up being adopted as it is the easy way out for social care.

[dvsurvivor]

I have just read your post and how sad and painful for you and your daughter to go through all of this for so long. I just hope and pray that childrens services see what a great mum you are and return your daughter to you ASAP. I hope that you now have a rely good solicitor to fight your corner. I feel for you hun I rely do and am going through a very similar experience as you.
I have joint residency and my ex kept my daughter after contact and didn't return her to me. I have been going through the courts for many years for them to not listen to me what he is like. He has an exstensive criminal record with almost 100 convictions and almost 20 custodial. He stopped me from having contact with my daughter and like you I had a rubbish solicitor and now have a good one. I went on and on at children services and they finally investigated which led to a s.47 report and she is now under child protection living with him. They 'apparantly' haven't got enough evidence to remove her and hand back to me. He is going through a crown court case at moment and the likely hood is a custodial sentance. I just hope I can then go and get my daughter as childrens services have no concerns about my other children in my care.
I rely do hope you get your daughter back soon hun. Maybe we can support one another on here. Am thinking of you in this very difficult time.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Zubie123,
Welcome back to the forum. A lot has changed during the last year and I am glad that children services are now seeing that you were telling the truth about your exe.
He is no longer engaging with the assessment process, so during the short court timescale may lose the opportunity of being fully assessed and so risks ruling himself out as a carer for your daughter.
At the end of the care proceedings (which should usually be completed within 26 weeks), the court will want to know where your daughter will be living permanently. The choices will usually be:
• To live with you
• To live with dad
• To live with any relative or friend or other connected person
• If there is no one in the friends or family network then either long term foster care or
• Adoption.
To ensure that you have the best possible chance, it is important that you continue to engage with all appointments, work well with your solicitor, and pursue all the support for yourself that is recommended. Have a look at our advice sheet about
care proceedings


Have you got extended family and friends who could be assessed as carers for your daughter? These assessments will normally take place at the same time as your assessment.
adoption is the last resort. Children services will need to show that they have explored all other avenues and ruled them out before they settle on a plan for adoption. So if your assessments are positive the plan would not be adoption.
I hope this helps but please post back if you have any other questions.
Best wishes,
Suzie

[zubie123]

Thank you for replying everyone, sorry it has taken me so long to reply. To dvsurvivor - thank you for your support and i am sorry to hear you are in a similar situation, i really do not understand how social care work sometimes, i know of families that have had children placed with them with no question of parenting ability and then you have people like us who are totally capable of bringing a child up but we are scrutinised in everything we do. In reply to Suzie, i have a couple of family members that i have put forward as main carers, they have both had assessments and long in depth chats with social care, we have a family group conference on the 1st november to which i have invited 12 people from my family including my ex's mother and sister as they have now come forward and admitted everything my ex said was a lie but family group conference cannot permit them to be in attendance without his permission and to my knowledge he is not co-operating with any one at the moment, pretty sure he has not seen our daughter since what would have been the start of his parenting and psychiatric assessments. I have had my psychiatric assessment and thank god IM NORMAL like i didnt already know! Only have 3 more parenting assessments to do 1 of which is an observation but all feedback has been positive so far. I feel as though i am doing and co-operating with everything social care wish me to do so i am feeling positive about the final outcome. I have the 2nd review meeting tomorrow, i have read up about the second review and if i am reading correctly they should be discussing the permanancy plan for my daughter and deciding (but not 100% as that will be down to the judge) where they believe my daughter should reside. Bed time now as seeing daughter tomorrow yet again thank you for your support and help. Please reply as i would like to continue speaking with you especially dv survivor. Angie x

[zubie123]

Hello again,

As i said in my previous post i had put forward members of my family as main carers if sc decide for some reason i am not fit to care for my daughter. SC have completed there viabilty assessments, i spoke with my cousin today (one of the people i put forward) she has had her report and SC have decided that her and her partner are not suitable to care for my daughter, one because they "apparently" don't understand why my daughter is not with me, 2 because they believe they could not safeguard my daughter 3 because they live close to us and we have a good relationship with eachother! I havent heard from the second family member yet so unsure if they have been accepted or not, but now i am really worrying, if they say that my cousin and her partner are not able to safeguard my daughter (bearing in mind my ex does not know them or where they live) then my major concern is that they are going to use this reason for my other family member and myself! I just don't get this whole safeguarding thing; all anyone can do if they came into contact with my ex is ignore him/ call the police or walk away, can someone explain what they really mean by safeguarding? I had the review meeting yesterday, my ex was there to my surprise, apparently the reason he hasn't been turning up to contacts for weeks is as he had scabies so has been infectious, sc have been waiting for him to hand them a letter from his gp to say that he is all clear of the infection but he seems to be dragging his heels so whether that is true or not i dont know. He was being extremely abusive, rude and aggressive in the meeting to pretty much everyone that was there, the chair of the meeting kept asking him to calm down and kept saying this is your last warning if you have another outburst i will call security but she never did, he sat there shouting abuse at me to which i just ignore as it is not worth getting into an argument with it, in the end i turned to the chair of the meeting and said "how many chances are you going to give him to throw abuse at people" she just looked at me and asked him to calm down again, i cannot believe that he just got away with it again, he was threatening the foster carers saying he was going to go to our daughters nursery (as sc have decided that for stability reasons she should continue going to the same nursery she was before when she was with him??!!!) then he was saying he knows there address and that he is going to go there and take our daughter! they should have called the police on him, his behaviour was shocking! They have now decided to stagger our next review meeting so we are not in the same room, this also makes me worry as it is yet another reason for them to say i cannot safeguard our daughter! So after another essay i would just like to understand more about safeguarding? Thanks

[dvsurvivor]

Dear zubi how are you coping with it all? Like me you probably have good days and bad. Somehow we keep going for the sake of our dear beloved children. I don't understand why they won't just hand you your daughter back?? God is so tough at times all these meetings and don't seem to be progressing. I see it has been recommended you have an advocate. Have you got one and has it helped? As I been wondering about getting one to.
You ask about safeguarding , have they done any risk assesments on you in the first place? Safeguarding is about keeping a child safe from possible harm and making sure the child is safe. It can cover a whole host of differant things. You could try googleing it. Please keep us informed I will be thinking of you. The womens aid forum is also very good.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Zubie123

Children's Services appear to have concerns that due to the nature of your relationship with them, your family member 'lacks insight' into the concerns that are held by the Local Authority. For instance, if they assess this individual as failing to understand or fully appreciate the reasons your child is not in your care, for this reason they could interpret this as not being able to keep her safe on a consistent basis.

It is possible the social worker would worry if your relative could delay taking protective action and make safe decisions about contact etc? They could ask for clarification on this, but may only be offered a limited explanation if they are not party to the proceedings.

Your solicitor may be able to provide you with further information. Your post suggests you have a positive working relationship with both of your legal representatives, so ask them to be open with you about what current concerns are held by the Local Authority at this time. What, in their professional opinion could you do to improve or rectify this in order to improve your chances of having your children returned to your care.

The forthcoming family group conference process can be a useful mechanism for you to participate in the making of safe decision-making and care options in a generally more relaxed and supportive setting.

I am pleased to hear that your next review child protection conference will be a split meeting so you will not have to endure similar intimidation from your ex partner. Should you be concerned about how the meeting was chaired, you have the option of making a complaint through the safeguarding and quality assurance department, as there is strict guidance about how these meetings should be conducted. You should be able to obtain further information on this from the council website.

In the meantime, please try to stay positive and continue to cooperate with all professionals working with you. You may find it useful to refer to some of the links posted in my previous post, as they offer detailed information about the assessment and court process in our advice sheets.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes

Suzie