Depression - Does it have to kill.....?

[charmed1]

Hi everyone. The recent death of Robin Williams has highlighted for me an illness very close to home. I have suffered with depression since childhood. My father suffers with depression. It made my mother depressed too though she would never admit it. My father was angry and my childhood wasn't a happy one.

I have lost 4 children into the system. My eldest live with their father under a residency order. He attempted suicide twice but is in denial that was what it was. The social services don't know because it was he that first reported by behaviour and that of the step dad to the authorities. So far my parent's, 1st husband, 2nd husband and myself all had depression. The men except my father kept it hidden. I had several breakdowns looking back and have completed a year of EMDR therapy for post traumatic stress and a year of psychotherapy.

It affected me, my children and people around me. The younger two children (with my present husband) are in care under a placement order. Depression is like a stone hitting water, it causes ripples. You can't stop the ripples that are created but you can see the damage and decide to not throw anymore stones.

My ex husband was believed by the social worker. My eldest children are being alienated in his care. I am now desperately trying to mend a relationship with 4 children that has been torn apart by my depression and that of those around me. Only my present husband and me are being blamed for all this. Our therapy has to be paid privately as the NHS say 4 sessions and that's your lot. I have been through a psychological assessment with psychometric testing. A one off meeting with a psychiatrist and why? Not to help me but to give them some dirt to take us to court. The social worker even asked to come with me to sit in on my assessment with the psychiatrist! She tried to get me to sign a section 20 on the youngest children. I refused so she went for the appointment.

My ex had a psychiatric nurse visit him following the suicide attempt and guess what? It has to be an attempt on your life before a nurse will be assigned to you. I have thought about it but never actually did it. My kids mean more to me than that. They keep me going. Killing myself is not the answer. The social worker said to me once "We're here for the children". That meant I was on my own.

The more you read about Robin Williams the more you realise that this man suffered and it built up and built up. He kept it to himself. I kept it to myself out of fear of losing my children to the point that I broke and they were taken away. Nearly 15 months ago now. It doesn't matter if you're a celebrity or a parent depression is a lonely existence. The TV bursts into life with depression phone ins and Facebook quotes. No actual change is occurring where suicide and depression are de stigmatised and actual help is available without fear of losing those you hold dearest.

The legacy will be short lived. There is more support for people with addictions such as alcoholism and drug dependency. Just because you can't see depression doesn't mean it's not there and it can kill.....!

[coachkev]

hello ,,,sorry i don,t no anything about being depressed ,but im sure i did see some signs of it from a long time friend ,My friends dad died from an accident & he didn't think he was that close until his dad wasn't there .I noticed a change in him almost immediately ,he was being very quite & was normally very out spoken ,i would ask him if he was ok & he would always say 'off course i am' he started to go to the pub alot & after about 6 months his business had closed down ,that's when i new he had a problem not with the alcohol just yet, but with self motivation, he couldn't find the energy to get out of bed .I then new as a friend for over 30 years im going to try and get him to talk about what he's feeling .so we went for a game of golf and he never open up is feelings at all ,so i started to be that annoying friend ,i started to visit ,phone, text & got the lads together for nights out ,he did start to talk more & more over time ,we were just trying to keep him busy .It took about a year for him to get back on track .I do think he was very close to being depressed & did start to use alcohol for a way out, but lookly that never became a problem for him when he started to think positive again.
It just go's to show how the brain can take control of your emotions and thought process without knowing it . I would like to think that someone with depression could try to find some sort of hobby or activity to take control of a different way of thinking .my friend had his friends to help him out even when he said there was nothing wrong we new there was

There is no professional advice only a friend helping a friend before it got to late . I would like to think everyone can make a change and turn a corner,we don't have to be what people say we are

The future is yours to live, good look with your future

[charmed1]

You seem a like a great friend. Unfortunately my family don't care about my situation and since I gave up work after my health started to deteriorate over seven years ago I gradually lost touch with friends. I intended to go back to work when my youngest started school but my kids were removed just months before he was due to start and I've lost all my confidence. I am so ashamed of my situation and have stopped trusting people.

I'm attempting to build myself back up to better than I was before things fell apart. You do find out who really cares in a situation like this

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Charmed1

Thank you for having the courage to share your story about your long term struggles with depression. It is clear you have highlighted a very widespread and often hidden problem, but one that is prominent in the press at the present time after a high profile actor recently took his own life.

As you have stated, depression effects a large portion of the population, and many of the parent's who use this forum have faced losing or been at risk of losing children to the care system as a result of their depressive illness. Some may have been offered support, others slipped through the net of mainstream services.

It is to your credit that you have been able to discuss your own situation in such a caring and sensitive way whilst trying to remain positive about some of the hurdles you have overcome for yourself.

In this way others are able to benefit from some of the good advice you have given and be encouraged to have the strength to seek support and carry on in what can be a difficult and complex journey for sufferers, children and families. But one that you have helpfully highlighted on this forum.

I am not sure how much I can add to your post in any way, but hope you continue to make good progress and receive appropriate support for yourself from your GP or you may find it useful to refer to some of the links here.

Hopefully, some other parent's willing to share their own experiences will drop by. Alternatively, if you or anyone else wishes to speak to one of our advisers please feel free to contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.00 pm.

Best Wishes


Suzie

[charmed1]

Thank you Suzie. I really appreciate your kind comments. Means a lot to know I've helped in some way.

I've completed EMDR and psychotherapy. I'm no longer on anti depressants and am coping ok. I visit this forum everyday not only to gain support but also give it. I won't stop until I get my kids home