support for parents

[a2179]

Hi I am a new member and a parent ( mum ) with a child on a residence order with Grandparents. I am looking to make contact with people in a similar postion as I know how lonely and desperate a place it can be. Ive spent a long time looking for support for parents in a similar situation but there doesnt seem to be anything available and although I cant speak for anyone else I know myself Ive often thought that I dont deserve support or should be allowed to share my feelings on these delicate issues because of feeling so worthless for having to have my child taken away from me to live with people who could give what I couldnt.
Personally Im in a much better place now and see my child regularly - Ive worked hard to regain the trust of my childs carers and im getting there with my child.Ive also been allowed more responsibility with my child which I am very grateful for but at the same time Ive felt frustration anger ( at myself ) and inadequacy which never gets spoken about because Ive never met or been in contact with anyone else in a similar position.
Im hoping that might change and other parents will post on here to share the emotions that Im sure we all feel but never get a chance to share either because we feel too ashamed or that we dont deserve to say how we feel. Ive been fortunate enough to receive help for the problems I had which led to my child being removed from me and Ive been making the right choices to ensure Im leading a life that is safe and responsible but its not easy especially when you know you have alot to prove and cope with being away from your child.
Anyway looking forward to hearing back from anyone looking for mutual support

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Anon

My name is Suzie, an advisor from the Family Rights Group. We are an organisation that gives advice where Children’s Services are involved.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time.

You say that your child is on a residence order to grandparents. This means that they shareparental responsibility with you. Although you are no longer the main carer, you should continue to be consulted about key decisions in relation to your him or her. This could be about any changes of school, medical treatment, and copies of key reports about their health or development.

In your post, you suggest that you have felt alone and unsupported, but sadly that you did not feel deserving of any support. This is not true, because should you find that if things were to go downhill again, you could speak to your gp.

They may be able to make a referral for more specialist help, to allow you cope with how you are feeling at the present time. Perhaps this could be your community mental health team or to your local children’s centre. You suggest that you may have battled with depression in the past. If this were to get much worse, you may wish to contact the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 or http://www.samaritans.org.uk.

It is positive that you say things seem to be improving for you, and that you are now more involved in your child’s life. You say they were removed from your care, when you reached a particularly low point in your life.

I am not sure whether this separation is going to be permanent, or should things go well, whether there are plans for your child to be returned to your care. Also, were they originally placed with the grandparents on a voluntary agreement, or did the local authority issue care proceedings. You may wish to seek legal advice from a solicitor on http://www.lawsociety.org.uk.

I wish you good luck for the future, and hope things continue to get better for you. I do think that you have been brave to be so open, and give details of your experience. This may be a big help to other parents going through a similar thing.

If you wish to speak to an advisor, you can contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 between Monday to Friday 09.30 to 03.30 pm.

Best Wishes



Suzie

[carla150]

Hi
I am not in your situation but my stepson is in foster care under a section 20, very long story, am in the process of writing the book about it!
I have set up a website to give support to parents in similar situations

www.parentsagainstchildrensservices.com

It is not anti childrens services, but gives support through live chat, making friends with members and advice and guidance based on what me and my family have been through

Hope it can help

Carla