Uugh, where to start??
I am mum to two beautiful children (although they can both be quite the handful!) but sadly they do not live with me anymore (not by choice!). They have been with my mum for what will be a year this easter. I have had dealings with childrens services for the past 5 years and have literally wanted to die because of them! But before I get all worked up, let me explain.
3 years ago I was arrested for child abuse, tried in a court, and found not guilty (because I haven't got an abusive bone in my body!!). Since then I have had extreme highs and lows, mood wise, as I am a sufferer of Bipolar Disorder). I have been on more medication than I can remember and I have also self medicated with various class C drugs etc (some of which worked well, others not so much). Self medication is very common among people with Bipolar, especially when they feel as if nothing else is working!
Since then I have had many..MANY abusive childrens social workers in and out of my life, generally telling me I was a terrible parent and despite all the 'support' they were giving me (which tbh I ALWAYS saw as INTERFEARANCE!! and PESTERING!!) nothing was working and I was basically deemed a lost cause. I finally broke due to the amount of stress I was under (because of CS and SS in general including schools etc) and refused to do anything anyone 'professional' said. By then it had got to the point where I had a woman coming into my home to check if I had got my children to 'brush their teeth' and on more than one occasion I caught them even SNIFFING MY SHEETS TO SEE IF THEY WERE FRESH. ANYONE under that much duress will naturally rebel!!
Anyway, after the current CSW declared she was seeking legal advice in order to put my children into care I had a break down and in an attempt to remain primary carer of my children I asked my mum if I could move in with her and my step-father. They agreed, considering they were, by then, my only support I had left who understood the extreme pressure I was under. I was also, back then, a single parent.
My son has been 'diagnosed' with borderline Aspergers and my daughter will be assessed in the near future for ADHD (something I'm also currently being assessed for as I was diagnosed with this as a child and medicated for it) as she is in constant perpetual motion and only ever becomes motionless when in a very deep sleep. There is no between. She is either AWAKE or ASLEEP. The change happens in seconds to just a few minutes.
A bit more up to date information on me:
I'm currently living in refuge after fleeing domestic abuse. I am also 8 months pregnant with the perp's child. Because of my history with childrens services, my unborn baby is now on a child protection plan and my current social worker (who I'm pretty darn sure is related to satan himself) is a MAN and he is under the impression that I will not be able to care for my baby once it is born as I 'failed with my other children' and am a 'child abuser'. He has often said AND WRITTEN IN CORE GROUP MINUTES that the main reason he thinks I will be unable to care properly for my baby is due to the fact that I am unstable because I have a MENTAL ILLNESS. I've read the leaflets on this website to do with parents who live with mental illnesses and I am almost positive that he is discriminating against me.
Yes, I have Bipolar Disorder. Yes I quite possibly have Adult ADHD to boot. NO I'M NOT A FOOL! I have been unmedicated for the duration of my pregnancy and am due to be induced in just 2 weeks time (2nd Feb 2015) and I am TERRIFIED he will try and get the courts to rule in his favour of removing my precious baby from me, as my last children were taken from me thanks to them.. Since I have come to the refuge I have left my 'old' life behind. I no longer smoke, do drugs, participate in anti-social groups or have ANYTHING to do with the idiots from my old town. I have made every effort to turn my life around, INCLUDING GIVING UP THE RIGHT TO BREAST FEED because I am now on medication that (apparently) is unsafe for an infant due to the amount that is passed into the milk (I was told this by my psychiatrist who is a PSYCHIATRIST and not an OBSTETRICIAN trained in medicines and pregnancy/breastfeeding). I've severed all contact with my previous life, including friends of a good 14 years just so that I can prove that I am dedicated to my child/ren and to show my determination to make my life better, become more stable, all so that I can make that horrible man notice that I'm not worthless (which they ALWAYS make me feel like) and can look after not only my newborn, but also my older children!
I've also got to mention that he is now pushing to have my other children removed from my mother because he says "She is unable to cope due to her unstable moods due to her MENTAL ILLNESS!!" Well I'll not go off on another rant..
So. The reason I've written all this is simple. What MORE can I do to show these people that PEOPLE CAN CHANGE and despite things they have done in their PAST (some over 12 years ago ((a suicide attempt BEFORE I HAD CHILDREN)) ) they are not a complete lost cause??
I'm on medication for my mental illness - to become stable and able to better care for my unborn baby.
I'm no longer in an abusive relationship and am living in a place where I get support 24/7 and I don't even have to ask for it.
I'm no longer living in a town where everyone and their aunty either smokes cannabis or sells it (the perp does BOTH)
I'm no longer SMOKING in any way, shape or form. In fact, I now GAG when I walk past someone else who is smoking, but I keep my mouth shut because that is their choice. I was in that place once.
I'm no longer ignoring prefessionals and I am engaging in appointments and eager and HUNGRY to get parenting advice, positive social support and go to groups for the social envioronment in order to make healthy relationships that make me feel better and more confident about myself.
My aim is to one day live with all my children together (but childrens services have taken great delight in telling my children that they will NEVER LIVE WITH MUMMY EVER AGAIN SO FORGET ABOUT IT).
Please.. I'm on my knees begging for some help. My tears haven't stopped flowing since I typed the second line of this post. I'm tired of crying.. I'm tired of feeling useless.. but most of all I'm tired of fighting. I have wanted to give up sooo many times.. and I have at times too, but then someone has given me a kick up the bum and I've started fighting again, despite the fact that I've got nothing left to fight with.
I need help.. Can you give it to me?
CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
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ijustwantausername
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:33 pm
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ange301126
- Posts: 537
- Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:27 pm
Re: CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
Dear ijustwantausername,
As a user-name, I suggest 'victimofoutrageousinhumanity'.
The FRG is the right place for help and Suzie,the professional adviser will come online soon with all the best advice.
Right now I strongly advise you to contact WOMEN'S AID who can help you more practically.
As a user-name, I suggest 'victimofoutrageousinhumanity'.
The FRG is the right place for help and Suzie,the professional adviser will come online soon with all the best advice.
Right now I strongly advise you to contact WOMEN'S AID who can help you more practically.
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ijustwantausername
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:33 pm
Re: CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
Thanks for the reply, it made me chuckle in regards to the username. Totally agree!
Thanks also for the advice. I'll get onto it tomorrow. It's been a LONG day. My unborn baby's core group was this morning and my social worker (who was prepared to take me to the meeting which was held in the town I'm fleeing from, BUT NOT BRING ME HOME AGAIN) was meant to come and visit me after the meeting, but decided it wasn't doable and so cancelled on me, thus not giving me my chance to even put in my two cents in regards to what is happening. I have no idea what was said this morning, or even who attended! The cheek of the man. He's also not bothered to rearrange the meeting with me. All I can do is shake my head..
Tomorrow is another day. I'm going to get my care worker to ring him and find out exactly what is going on as I am STILL not impressed with the way I'm being treated!! Will update again when I know more.
Looking forward to Suzie's reply too.
Thanks also for the advice. I'll get onto it tomorrow. It's been a LONG day. My unborn baby's core group was this morning and my social worker (who was prepared to take me to the meeting which was held in the town I'm fleeing from, BUT NOT BRING ME HOME AGAIN) was meant to come and visit me after the meeting, but decided it wasn't doable and so cancelled on me, thus not giving me my chance to even put in my two cents in regards to what is happening. I have no idea what was said this morning, or even who attended! The cheek of the man. He's also not bothered to rearrange the meeting with me. All I can do is shake my head..
Tomorrow is another day. I'm going to get my care worker to ring him and find out exactly what is going on as I am STILL not impressed with the way I'm being treated!! Will update again when I know more.
Looking forward to Suzie's reply too.
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
Dear ijustwantausername
Welcome to the Parents’ Forum. My name is Suzie and I am an Adviser at Family Rights Group.
From reading your post it is clear that you have been through the ‘wars’ but I am pleased that you have come out on the other side feeling a lot stronger.
The background that you have described especially in relation to your children and the failure to engaged with professionals for what you considered to be justifiable reasons means that there is a worry the same situation may arise again. However, you say that you have made significant changes to your lifestyle and your outlook generally so the social worker and Children Services should take account of the changes that you have made.
As your unborn baby has been placed on a child protection plan, there must be things which you are being asked to do in the plan to prove to Children Services that you will be able to safely care for your baby. Children Services really should be looking at where you are now and assess you on that basis. The past cannot be changed and will inform what they do but how you are now should be given due consideration.
It is unfortunate that you were not able to attend the core group meeting because you were let down by the social worker. Could you not have had some support from the Refuge to attend the meeting? If the core group meeting was to finalise the outline child protection plan, it would have been appropriate for you to have the opportunity to give your input since you are being asked to do particular things.
If you are unhappy about how the child protection plan was completed, you could write to the Chair of the Child Protection Conference to explain your concerns. A copy of our advice sheet relating to challenging decisions is included here for your information.
In relation to your pregnancy, are you under the care of a specialist midwife because of your mental health issues? If not, you can ask the hospital or your GP to ensure that you are having the right support.
The social worker has formed a view that you cannot care for your baby, has there been any recent psychiatric assessment which has concluded that you are unable to do so. If the social worker view is based only on the past, this is wrong as you should be assessed in relation to this pregnancy.
Whilst you do not have a right to have the social worker changed, if you feel that you are unable to work with the social worker for a good reason. I suggest that you contact the Team Manager to ask if your social worker could be changed. You have the right to ask but no guarantee it will happen as you do not have the right to have the social worker changed.
In order to help you understand the procedures for child protection, I have included a link hereof our advice sheet. This will give you a detailed explanation of what Children Services are required to do.
A mental health problem is not in itself a reason not to care for your child or children. It will of course depend on the nature of the mental illness and its impact on the individual. I am including links here for Mindand ReThink as you may be able to get advice relating to mental health and caring for your child. I have also included their telephone numbers Mind 0300 123 3393 (info); Mind legal 0300 466 6463; Rethink 0300 5000 927.
What support has Children Services offered that could help you to care for new baby.
It is not clear how your children are being looked after by your mother. Are they subject to care orders? Does your mother have any court order for her to look after them? I am not therefore able to advise you about them returning to your care. I would suggest however, that for now you concentrate on working with Children Services and other professionals so that you will be able to care for your baby.
I hope you will find the information helpful.
However, should you wish to speak to an Adviser, please telephone our free advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.
Best wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the Parents’ Forum. My name is Suzie and I am an Adviser at Family Rights Group.
From reading your post it is clear that you have been through the ‘wars’ but I am pleased that you have come out on the other side feeling a lot stronger.
The background that you have described especially in relation to your children and the failure to engaged with professionals for what you considered to be justifiable reasons means that there is a worry the same situation may arise again. However, you say that you have made significant changes to your lifestyle and your outlook generally so the social worker and Children Services should take account of the changes that you have made.
As your unborn baby has been placed on a child protection plan, there must be things which you are being asked to do in the plan to prove to Children Services that you will be able to safely care for your baby. Children Services really should be looking at where you are now and assess you on that basis. The past cannot be changed and will inform what they do but how you are now should be given due consideration.
It is unfortunate that you were not able to attend the core group meeting because you were let down by the social worker. Could you not have had some support from the Refuge to attend the meeting? If the core group meeting was to finalise the outline child protection plan, it would have been appropriate for you to have the opportunity to give your input since you are being asked to do particular things.
If you are unhappy about how the child protection plan was completed, you could write to the Chair of the Child Protection Conference to explain your concerns. A copy of our advice sheet relating to challenging decisions is included here for your information.
In relation to your pregnancy, are you under the care of a specialist midwife because of your mental health issues? If not, you can ask the hospital or your GP to ensure that you are having the right support.
The social worker has formed a view that you cannot care for your baby, has there been any recent psychiatric assessment which has concluded that you are unable to do so. If the social worker view is based only on the past, this is wrong as you should be assessed in relation to this pregnancy.
Whilst you do not have a right to have the social worker changed, if you feel that you are unable to work with the social worker for a good reason. I suggest that you contact the Team Manager to ask if your social worker could be changed. You have the right to ask but no guarantee it will happen as you do not have the right to have the social worker changed.
In order to help you understand the procedures for child protection, I have included a link hereof our advice sheet. This will give you a detailed explanation of what Children Services are required to do.
A mental health problem is not in itself a reason not to care for your child or children. It will of course depend on the nature of the mental illness and its impact on the individual. I am including links here for Mindand ReThink as you may be able to get advice relating to mental health and caring for your child. I have also included their telephone numbers Mind 0300 123 3393 (info); Mind legal 0300 466 6463; Rethink 0300 5000 927.
What support has Children Services offered that could help you to care for new baby.
It is not clear how your children are being looked after by your mother. Are they subject to care orders? Does your mother have any court order for her to look after them? I am not therefore able to advise you about them returning to your care. I would suggest however, that for now you concentrate on working with Children Services and other professionals so that you will be able to care for your baby.
I hope you will find the information helpful.
However, should you wish to speak to an Adviser, please telephone our free advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.
Best wishes
Suzie
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ijustwantausername
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:33 pm
Re: CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
However, you say that you have made significant changes to your lifestyle and your outlook generally so the social worker and Children Services should take account of the changes that you have made.
--They haven't even bothered to acknowledge the changes.. They are still dwelling on the past..
As your unborn baby has been placed on a child protection plan, there must be things which you are being asked to do in the plan to prove to Children Services that you will be able to safely care for your baby. Children Services really should be looking at where you are now and assess you on that basis. The past cannot be changed and will inform what they do but how you are now should be given due consideration.
--I have not seen minutes of the conference, core group or any meetings that have taken place since their decision to put him on a CPP. My current CSW refuses to asses my current situation and is instead hell bent on making his choices based on what it says in my file (written by other CSW's who had also given up on me).
It is unfortunate that you were not able to attend the core group meeting because you were let down by the social worker. Could you not have had some support from the Refuge to attend the meeting?
--Unfortunately my key worker from the Refuge is unable to attend meetings with me where my perpetrator is present as the association could then be made between her work and where I am living, thus enabling him to find my address and cause problems further for me at home.
If the core group meeting was to finalize the outline child protection plan, it would have been appropriate for you to have the opportunity to give your input since you are being asked to do particular things.
--My CSW came to see me today to tell me what happened at the last core group (which he never actually did!) and to ask for my input (which I didn't get a chance to give due to his barrage of other questions and frantic scribbling on his pad of paper)..
In relation to your pregnancy, are you under the care of a specialist midwife because of your mental health issues? If not, you can ask the hospital or your GP to ensure that you are having the right support.
--I was under the care of a specialist midwife while at my previous address but now I am living somewhere else, one has not been appointed to me. I never actually got to meet the specialist midwife anyway.. I have mentioned this to my psychiatrist and he said he would look into it for me.
The social worker has formed a view that you cannot care for your baby, has there been any recent psychiatric assessment which has concluded that you are unable to do so?
--NO!!! I cannot stress this enough!! I have been to see a psychiatrist (which I've been trying to do for the past 6 months!) and between he and I we decided that my thoughts on restarting my medication were correct and he happily prescribed them for me, after checking they were safe to take while pregnant! I told my CSW this today and he DISMISSED IT, saying 'moving on..' *shakes head*
If the social worker view is based only on the past, this is wrong as you should be assessed in relation to this pregnancy.
--I totally and completely agree. I've also said this to him, but again, it was dismissed..
Whilst you do not have a right to have the social worker changed, if you feel that you are unable to work with the social worker for a good reason. I suggest that you contact the Team Manager to ask if your social worker could be changed.
--With the help of my key worker here at the Refuge, I am seeking legal advice tomorrow from a local solicitor in regards to this. It may be that once I have their legal input I will have a better chance of being heard by the current CSW's manager.
A mental health problem is not in itself a reason not to care for your child or children. It will of course depend on the nature of the mental illness and its impact on the individual.
--Agreed! My key worker also agrees, as does her manager. This will also be brought up at the solicitors tomorrow as well as a call to MIND being made. I know lots of other mothers and fathers with the same diagnosis who manage just fine to parent their children while they live with mental illnesses. As mentioned before, I believe my CSW is discriminating against me simply because I have a 'label'.
What support has Children Services offered that could help you to care for new baby.
--NONE!!!!!! TOTALLY NOTHING!!!! All they've done is condemn me!! They wrote me off as a lost cause years ago and nothing has changed!
It is not clear how your children are being looked after by your mother. Are they subject to care orders? Does your mother have any court order for her to look after them? I am not therefore able to advise you about them returning to your care.
--My children live with my mother BY MY CHOICE. There was a letter before action meeting in regards to their care, but before SS could remove them via a court order, I accepted my mum's offer to care for them while I focused on getting my life back on track and becoming stable. They were once on a CPP as well but it has since ended and are now on a CIN instead. There are no care orders that I am aware of, although the CSW now wants my mother to get a Special Guardianship so that making final and large decisions regarding them fall to my mum instead of me. NOT WHAT I AGREED ON when I accepted my mum's offer to help. It was simply a long term respite for me, although SS have now demanded that I do not see my older children more than once a fortnight, for just a couple of hours. -Ahem..EXCUSE ME?! Sorry..
I would suggest however, that for now you concentrate on working with Children Services and other professionals so that you will be able to care for your baby.
--Yes, I am completely willing to work with the relative services in order to increase my chances of keeping my baby, and one day having my children back with me too, although with the way the current CSW treats me, I refuse to even entertain him. Why should I listen to him, when he refuses to return the courtesy?? Okay, so that sounds a little overboard, but that is how I feel. Yes, I agree to see him when he visits, and yes, I listen to what he has to say.. but that doesn't have to mean that I agree with it!!
*sigh* Thank you for your advice, once again. I hope I've answered your questions. I'm going to post again after this one to update a bit more on what I've been told today by the CSW. You're probably going to need to scoop your jaw off the floor when you're done reading it...
--They haven't even bothered to acknowledge the changes.. They are still dwelling on the past..
As your unborn baby has been placed on a child protection plan, there must be things which you are being asked to do in the plan to prove to Children Services that you will be able to safely care for your baby. Children Services really should be looking at where you are now and assess you on that basis. The past cannot be changed and will inform what they do but how you are now should be given due consideration.
--I have not seen minutes of the conference, core group or any meetings that have taken place since their decision to put him on a CPP. My current CSW refuses to asses my current situation and is instead hell bent on making his choices based on what it says in my file (written by other CSW's who had also given up on me).
It is unfortunate that you were not able to attend the core group meeting because you were let down by the social worker. Could you not have had some support from the Refuge to attend the meeting?
--Unfortunately my key worker from the Refuge is unable to attend meetings with me where my perpetrator is present as the association could then be made between her work and where I am living, thus enabling him to find my address and cause problems further for me at home.
If the core group meeting was to finalize the outline child protection plan, it would have been appropriate for you to have the opportunity to give your input since you are being asked to do particular things.
--My CSW came to see me today to tell me what happened at the last core group (which he never actually did!) and to ask for my input (which I didn't get a chance to give due to his barrage of other questions and frantic scribbling on his pad of paper)..
In relation to your pregnancy, are you under the care of a specialist midwife because of your mental health issues? If not, you can ask the hospital or your GP to ensure that you are having the right support.
--I was under the care of a specialist midwife while at my previous address but now I am living somewhere else, one has not been appointed to me. I never actually got to meet the specialist midwife anyway.. I have mentioned this to my psychiatrist and he said he would look into it for me.
The social worker has formed a view that you cannot care for your baby, has there been any recent psychiatric assessment which has concluded that you are unable to do so?
--NO!!! I cannot stress this enough!! I have been to see a psychiatrist (which I've been trying to do for the past 6 months!) and between he and I we decided that my thoughts on restarting my medication were correct and he happily prescribed them for me, after checking they were safe to take while pregnant! I told my CSW this today and he DISMISSED IT, saying 'moving on..' *shakes head*
If the social worker view is based only on the past, this is wrong as you should be assessed in relation to this pregnancy.
--I totally and completely agree. I've also said this to him, but again, it was dismissed..
Whilst you do not have a right to have the social worker changed, if you feel that you are unable to work with the social worker for a good reason. I suggest that you contact the Team Manager to ask if your social worker could be changed.
--With the help of my key worker here at the Refuge, I am seeking legal advice tomorrow from a local solicitor in regards to this. It may be that once I have their legal input I will have a better chance of being heard by the current CSW's manager.
A mental health problem is not in itself a reason not to care for your child or children. It will of course depend on the nature of the mental illness and its impact on the individual.
--Agreed! My key worker also agrees, as does her manager. This will also be brought up at the solicitors tomorrow as well as a call to MIND being made. I know lots of other mothers and fathers with the same diagnosis who manage just fine to parent their children while they live with mental illnesses. As mentioned before, I believe my CSW is discriminating against me simply because I have a 'label'.
What support has Children Services offered that could help you to care for new baby.
--NONE!!!!!! TOTALLY NOTHING!!!! All they've done is condemn me!! They wrote me off as a lost cause years ago and nothing has changed!
It is not clear how your children are being looked after by your mother. Are they subject to care orders? Does your mother have any court order for her to look after them? I am not therefore able to advise you about them returning to your care.
--My children live with my mother BY MY CHOICE. There was a letter before action meeting in regards to their care, but before SS could remove them via a court order, I accepted my mum's offer to care for them while I focused on getting my life back on track and becoming stable. They were once on a CPP as well but it has since ended and are now on a CIN instead. There are no care orders that I am aware of, although the CSW now wants my mother to get a Special Guardianship so that making final and large decisions regarding them fall to my mum instead of me. NOT WHAT I AGREED ON when I accepted my mum's offer to help. It was simply a long term respite for me, although SS have now demanded that I do not see my older children more than once a fortnight, for just a couple of hours. -Ahem..EXCUSE ME?! Sorry..
I would suggest however, that for now you concentrate on working with Children Services and other professionals so that you will be able to care for your baby.
--Yes, I am completely willing to work with the relative services in order to increase my chances of keeping my baby, and one day having my children back with me too, although with the way the current CSW treats me, I refuse to even entertain him. Why should I listen to him, when he refuses to return the courtesy?? Okay, so that sounds a little overboard, but that is how I feel. Yes, I agree to see him when he visits, and yes, I listen to what he has to say.. but that doesn't have to mean that I agree with it!!
*sigh* Thank you for your advice, once again. I hope I've answered your questions. I'm going to post again after this one to update a bit more on what I've been told today by the CSW. You're probably going to need to scoop your jaw off the floor when you're done reading it...
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ijustwantausername
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:33 pm
Re: CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
So, like I said, my CSW came to see me today (and was almost 40 minutes late). He wore this huge fake smile the entire time he was here that reminded me a lot of Scrooge.. but then I digress.
He began by bringing up the last core group meeting my mum and step-dad attended (in regards to my two older children) and asked if I was aware of what happened and what was said there. I simply said, "Yes, you wound up my mum so much that she had an outburst, broke down in tears, and had to leave the room, followed closely by my step-dad who went to make sure she was alright. Not only that, you reduced my ex-husband to tears. Did I get that right?" He rose a brow and nodded, saying "yes, that happened.. but do you know what was said?" to which I replied "no, because my mum was too upset to remember much of it." He rose the other brow and then 'moved on'. So I still don't know what happened there.. aside from now knowing he is gunning for my mother and my ex-husband (who is not my perp of the father of my unborn baby). He and I get on alright, all things considered..
He then went over 'AGAIN' how he was pushing to get to court and get them to see his point of view on the fact that I am unable to care for my children. He also asked my key worker (who was present for the meeting since I am not comfortable with seeing him or being alone in a room with him AT ALL) if she had received the email he'd sent her with a list of solicitors who offer legal aid in order for me to go and find one I 'like'. NO EMAIL WAS EVER RECEIVED.. and this is the SECOND attempt. He's had the email address from my key worker THREE TIMES so it can't be that he's got it wrong. If it is, well.. *cough cough* He said as soon as he got home tonight he would send the email again. My key worker even checked the email inbox while he was watching to show there wasn't anything there. She and I are both getting rather desperate, hence now taking things into our own hands in regards to a local solicitor..
The CSW then asked me if I was okay. 'Are you eating? Have you actually quit smoking cannabis? Do you look after yourself okay? You're looking a lot better than last time I saw you (I had spent a weekend in hospital and was in AGONY and VERY upset because of him when he saw me last).' HE ALSO ASKED ME IF I WAS WILLING TO PROVE I HAD QUIT SMOKING! I said sure! Gimme a drugs test. Gimme a carbin monoxide test.. I'll happily do them because you won't find anything! I also stated that I had no idea how long it takes for that drug to leave your system, but was still willing to do the tests. He nodded, scribbled a bit on his paper, and asked if I wanted to be referred to the NRP (kinda like AA but for druggies). I said I didn't think I needed to attend, but I would happily do so if I was referred. He said they were trying to collect evidence at the moment to make a case and if I attended, it would look good in my favour. I simply replied with, "Make the referral then. I'll still be happy to go." (dunno how with a tiny baby, but yeah..) He extensivly questioned me on my eating habbits as I am not able to stand for long periods due to extreme hip/pelvis pain thanks to the pregnancy and I said I was buying fresh food and cooking it in either the microwave or the oven. NATURALLY HE ASSUMED I MEANT MICROWAVE MEALS because he asked me about it! I was all, "No, I buy frozen veg that steam cooks in the microwave along with my potato, and my meat (if I have) gets popped into the oven and I am then able to set my timer and GO AND SIT DOWN. He had already tuned me out by then and was back to scribbling things on his paper.. (RUDE MUCH?) I get they have to keep a record, but to be soooo dismissive??
"So, tell me about Baby." ...-uuh, what? Huh? "Tell me about the baby." --uuhm.. He's lively? Moves a lot? He's fully formed, mature enough to survive outside my belly without any medical help, but he's a bit on the small side at just 4lbs 6oz. BUT SO WERE MY OTHER CHILDREN and they were full term when born! "Yes, but tell me about your relationship with him." --uuh.. okay. I'm fiercly in love with him, as I am with my older children. They are my life, the reason I live. I'd do anything for them. "So if you had them taken away, you would commit suicide?" ........WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Yes. He actually said that. Yes, I very quickly set him straight. I said that they were my life, I'd do anything for them due to my being so very much in love with them as their mother, and yes, if they were taken away from me and I was denied the right to ever see them again, I'd want to give up.. but I NEVER ONCE said I'd want to die. I didn't even imply it! HE WAS FISHING FOR IT because he's done some googling and found out that people with Bipolar are prone to suicidal thoughts and attempts when very very depressed. *eyebrow raises* (He actually admitted to doing this.)
I've just read over this post and I realise it comes across as very rude. After the CSW left my refuge worker came to see me and I literally broke down in front of her. I had told her that I do this at times when things get too much for me, but she had never seen it and I think she was quite shocked by how bad it can be. I went over the things that the horrid man said while blubbering and wiping my tears and nose and she sat and listened, and then tried her best to console me by offering me encouragement and advice, both of which I appreciated. By the time she left I had calmed down considerably and had stopped crying. I went for a walk afterward and rang my mum to fill her in. Felt a bit better after that too.
Now, for the crowning part of this post! He made my day completely by telling me that if I were to have my baby BEFORE the letter before action meeting took place, Childrens Services would go straight to the court to get a ruling within the 24 hr period to have my baby taken from me IN THE HOSPITAL. HOW, on God's green Earth, is that in any way, shape or form fair?!?! It's NOT MY FAULT he is being born early (induced on 2nd Feb), NOR is it my fault if the solicitors are fully booked until 3+ weeks time, NOR is it my fault if this meeting is only arranged for AFTER BABY'S INDUCTION due to the relevant professionals not being able to all attend before hand? The CSW said he would try his best to get it all sorted out before the 2nd of Feb, but I SERIOUSLY have my doubts that this will happen and, AGAIN, am back to being TERRIFIED I will not get the chance to bond with my son, or even care for him! And all because someone doesn't pull their finger out in time and get it sorted!!
ALL THIS DESPITE ALL I'VE DONE!!!
*back to tears and wanting to giving up* Let's see what the solicitor says tomorrow because if I can't make any progress there, I think the sheer stress of this all will make me go into premature labour, and if that happens... well he said that baby would get put into foster care straight away. Why should I even bother to continue fighting? What's the bloody point???
He began by bringing up the last core group meeting my mum and step-dad attended (in regards to my two older children) and asked if I was aware of what happened and what was said there. I simply said, "Yes, you wound up my mum so much that she had an outburst, broke down in tears, and had to leave the room, followed closely by my step-dad who went to make sure she was alright. Not only that, you reduced my ex-husband to tears. Did I get that right?" He rose a brow and nodded, saying "yes, that happened.. but do you know what was said?" to which I replied "no, because my mum was too upset to remember much of it." He rose the other brow and then 'moved on'. So I still don't know what happened there.. aside from now knowing he is gunning for my mother and my ex-husband (who is not my perp of the father of my unborn baby). He and I get on alright, all things considered..
He then went over 'AGAIN' how he was pushing to get to court and get them to see his point of view on the fact that I am unable to care for my children. He also asked my key worker (who was present for the meeting since I am not comfortable with seeing him or being alone in a room with him AT ALL) if she had received the email he'd sent her with a list of solicitors who offer legal aid in order for me to go and find one I 'like'. NO EMAIL WAS EVER RECEIVED.. and this is the SECOND attempt. He's had the email address from my key worker THREE TIMES so it can't be that he's got it wrong. If it is, well.. *cough cough* He said as soon as he got home tonight he would send the email again. My key worker even checked the email inbox while he was watching to show there wasn't anything there. She and I are both getting rather desperate, hence now taking things into our own hands in regards to a local solicitor..
The CSW then asked me if I was okay. 'Are you eating? Have you actually quit smoking cannabis? Do you look after yourself okay? You're looking a lot better than last time I saw you (I had spent a weekend in hospital and was in AGONY and VERY upset because of him when he saw me last).' HE ALSO ASKED ME IF I WAS WILLING TO PROVE I HAD QUIT SMOKING! I said sure! Gimme a drugs test. Gimme a carbin monoxide test.. I'll happily do them because you won't find anything! I also stated that I had no idea how long it takes for that drug to leave your system, but was still willing to do the tests. He nodded, scribbled a bit on his paper, and asked if I wanted to be referred to the NRP (kinda like AA but for druggies). I said I didn't think I needed to attend, but I would happily do so if I was referred. He said they were trying to collect evidence at the moment to make a case and if I attended, it would look good in my favour. I simply replied with, "Make the referral then. I'll still be happy to go." (dunno how with a tiny baby, but yeah..) He extensivly questioned me on my eating habbits as I am not able to stand for long periods due to extreme hip/pelvis pain thanks to the pregnancy and I said I was buying fresh food and cooking it in either the microwave or the oven. NATURALLY HE ASSUMED I MEANT MICROWAVE MEALS because he asked me about it! I was all, "No, I buy frozen veg that steam cooks in the microwave along with my potato, and my meat (if I have) gets popped into the oven and I am then able to set my timer and GO AND SIT DOWN. He had already tuned me out by then and was back to scribbling things on his paper.. (RUDE MUCH?) I get they have to keep a record, but to be soooo dismissive??
"So, tell me about Baby." ...-uuh, what? Huh? "Tell me about the baby." --uuhm.. He's lively? Moves a lot? He's fully formed, mature enough to survive outside my belly without any medical help, but he's a bit on the small side at just 4lbs 6oz. BUT SO WERE MY OTHER CHILDREN and they were full term when born! "Yes, but tell me about your relationship with him." --uuh.. okay. I'm fiercly in love with him, as I am with my older children. They are my life, the reason I live. I'd do anything for them. "So if you had them taken away, you would commit suicide?" ........WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Yes. He actually said that. Yes, I very quickly set him straight. I said that they were my life, I'd do anything for them due to my being so very much in love with them as their mother, and yes, if they were taken away from me and I was denied the right to ever see them again, I'd want to give up.. but I NEVER ONCE said I'd want to die. I didn't even imply it! HE WAS FISHING FOR IT because he's done some googling and found out that people with Bipolar are prone to suicidal thoughts and attempts when very very depressed. *eyebrow raises* (He actually admitted to doing this.)
I've just read over this post and I realise it comes across as very rude. After the CSW left my refuge worker came to see me and I literally broke down in front of her. I had told her that I do this at times when things get too much for me, but she had never seen it and I think she was quite shocked by how bad it can be. I went over the things that the horrid man said while blubbering and wiping my tears and nose and she sat and listened, and then tried her best to console me by offering me encouragement and advice, both of which I appreciated. By the time she left I had calmed down considerably and had stopped crying. I went for a walk afterward and rang my mum to fill her in. Felt a bit better after that too.
Now, for the crowning part of this post! He made my day completely by telling me that if I were to have my baby BEFORE the letter before action meeting took place, Childrens Services would go straight to the court to get a ruling within the 24 hr period to have my baby taken from me IN THE HOSPITAL. HOW, on God's green Earth, is that in any way, shape or form fair?!?! It's NOT MY FAULT he is being born early (induced on 2nd Feb), NOR is it my fault if the solicitors are fully booked until 3+ weeks time, NOR is it my fault if this meeting is only arranged for AFTER BABY'S INDUCTION due to the relevant professionals not being able to all attend before hand? The CSW said he would try his best to get it all sorted out before the 2nd of Feb, but I SERIOUSLY have my doubts that this will happen and, AGAIN, am back to being TERRIFIED I will not get the chance to bond with my son, or even care for him! And all because someone doesn't pull their finger out in time and get it sorted!!
ALL THIS DESPITE ALL I'VE DONE!!!
*back to tears and wanting to giving up* Let's see what the solicitor says tomorrow because if I can't make any progress there, I think the sheer stress of this all will make me go into premature labour, and if that happens... well he said that baby would get put into foster care straight away. Why should I even bother to continue fighting? What's the bloody point???
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ijustwantausername
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:33 pm
Re: CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
Update--
Not much to report for today other than that my key worker FINALLY received the email with the solicitors at 9pm last night. She printed it for me this morning and we went through it together and chose who we thought were the best ones to go with (I've had dealings with them in the past and had a good, positive outcome), although after a couple of calls to them, I'm sad to report that they will be unable to help me due to the lack of time. I've got a week and one day.. and that doesn't include weekends for obvious reasons.
With my worker's help I also managed to contact MIND who are going to ring me tomorrow for a 'phone chat' to see what sort of help and support they can offer. They also said that it may be possible for someone to come and see me locally (as we had to call a head office in a major city to get anywhere) which I was quite chuffed at. I'm really holding thumbs, crossing fingers and clutching onto what luck I have left in regards to this being positive and helpful. Don't think I can handle another let down..
Not much else has happened today. I've tried to keep it together as best I can. All this stress is REALLY testing my quitting cigarettes thing. I've caught myself thinking 'I would have had at least three by now if I was still smoking..' and then wishing I hadn't quit, but not really.. if you know what I mean.
Anyway.. I'll post again tomorrow (I know it's sorta turned into a diary/blog! SORRY!) if there is any new stuff to report.
PS - Baby's REALLY sunk low now and he keeps 'knocking on the exit', or so to speak. I'm wondering if he's going to wait for the induction or if he's going to make a surprise appearance.. (biting nails)
Not much to report for today other than that my key worker FINALLY received the email with the solicitors at 9pm last night. She printed it for me this morning and we went through it together and chose who we thought were the best ones to go with (I've had dealings with them in the past and had a good, positive outcome), although after a couple of calls to them, I'm sad to report that they will be unable to help me due to the lack of time. I've got a week and one day.. and that doesn't include weekends for obvious reasons.
With my worker's help I also managed to contact MIND who are going to ring me tomorrow for a 'phone chat' to see what sort of help and support they can offer. They also said that it may be possible for someone to come and see me locally (as we had to call a head office in a major city to get anywhere) which I was quite chuffed at. I'm really holding thumbs, crossing fingers and clutching onto what luck I have left in regards to this being positive and helpful. Don't think I can handle another let down..
Not much else has happened today. I've tried to keep it together as best I can. All this stress is REALLY testing my quitting cigarettes thing. I've caught myself thinking 'I would have had at least three by now if I was still smoking..' and then wishing I hadn't quit, but not really.. if you know what I mean.
Anyway.. I'll post again tomorrow (I know it's sorta turned into a diary/blog! SORRY!) if there is any new stuff to report.
PS - Baby's REALLY sunk low now and he keeps 'knocking on the exit', or so to speak. I'm wondering if he's going to wait for the induction or if he's going to make a surprise appearance.. (biting nails)
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
Dear ijustwantausername
I am sorry to hear that you continue to experience difficulties with the current social worker. It is really important that you are supported to obtain written copies of minutes for all meetings that have been held to date.
It is really positive that you are receiving such a high level of support from your care or keyworker in the refuge, and essential you are aware of all the support services that you can access whilst you are living there.
I am pleased to hear that you are in the process of seeking legal advice and hope you have had your first appointment by now. However, if you continue to have difficulty finding a solicitor who is available to represent you, you may wish to try law society find a solicitor.
You may also with to request a Family Group Conference is arranged so that you can participate in making safe plans for your unborn child and should this go well, at a later date of the possibility for your older children to return to you, in the presence of your extended family support network. I am providing you with a copy of our special guardianship advice sheet for birth parents for your information.
Have you been able to contact Mind for any further help at this time?
I hope this helps.
Best Wishes
Suzie
I am sorry to hear that you continue to experience difficulties with the current social worker. It is really important that you are supported to obtain written copies of minutes for all meetings that have been held to date.
It is really positive that you are receiving such a high level of support from your care or keyworker in the refuge, and essential you are aware of all the support services that you can access whilst you are living there.
I am pleased to hear that you are in the process of seeking legal advice and hope you have had your first appointment by now. However, if you continue to have difficulty finding a solicitor who is available to represent you, you may wish to try law society find a solicitor.
You may also with to request a Family Group Conference is arranged so that you can participate in making safe plans for your unborn child and should this go well, at a later date of the possibility for your older children to return to you, in the presence of your extended family support network. I am providing you with a copy of our special guardianship advice sheet for birth parents for your information.
Have you been able to contact Mind for any further help at this time?
I hope this helps.
Best Wishes
Suzie
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ijustwantausername
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:33 pm
Re: CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
Suzie,
Thank you once again for replying to my 'blog' of a thread. I really do appreciate the advice and support you are offering. It has, so far, been very helpful.
I have still been unable to get any minutes or anything of the like in regards to previous meetings despite having asked. It's now the end of the week so I'm going to have to wait until Monday (time's running out!) before I can go any further with that.
In regards to legal advice, I had to phone three different solicitors in my attempts to find one that can help me on such a short notice. I am pleased to report that I have now got one, although I have not been able to have my first appointment yet. I believe this has been arranged for the Monday coming. I have, however, spoken to the lovely lady on the phone and guess what? SHE KNOWS THE CSW and has had dealings with him in the past! I wasn't sure though if she thought badly or otherwise of him. I guess I will find out on Monday. The lady I spoke to today will not be able to represent me at the meeting (which after a lot of bugging and phone calls I managed to find out is this coming Thursday at 3 or 3.30pm - CSW couldn't be sure!!) but her colleague will be there in her place (She had a prior arranged court appearance or something for someone else). SO PROGRESS! Yipee! I might well actually sleep tonight, hehe.
Heh, a family group conference is out of the question at this time as I am unable to be anywhere NEAR the father of my baby or his family. He is the reason I am in a refuge.. It just isn't going to happen, although I have to say that I have been to one of these FGC's before and despite it being in regards to my other children, my views and opinions were totally swept under the table and decisions in regards to their care were made while I was busily bawling my eyes out after having run from the room due to being ignored, then 'told off' (as if I were a child), and then to make matters worse, my ex was the one to come and 'find and calm me down' by order of the man who ran the FGC. Not an experience I wish to repeat, sadly. I do understand, however, that these FGC's can be very helpful and if it were a possibility, I would agree to one for my unborn baby.
Thank you for the special guardianship advice sheet. I've not read it yet, but I will do so after posting this, as well as emailing it to my mum. I'm sure there will be something in there that will clear up a few things for us both.
I have contacted MIND, yes, although they promised to ring me back today and have not done so. I will call again on Monday. It's a bit hard for me to go to their offices as I don't have any transport and due to Pelvic Girdle Pain I am unable to get a bus or use public transport as this would mean walking distances and I just can't do that at the moment. I'm working on getting someone to come to me though!
Thanks again.
Now for the updates --
Most of it has been covered already in what I've already written, but the one thing I wanted to mention is that my mum went to see her GP (who also controls her medicines etc and is VERY good with her) to talk about her stress levels and what was happening with me and the CSW. The GP was absolutely horrified to hear how both she and I were being treated (as are a LOT of other people recently!) and after mum telling him that she and I had made plans for me to spend the night previous to my induction day with her, the CSW had literally hit the roof and demanded that I not go anywhere near my mums home, but rather that she should come to ME on Monday morning and collect me. My appointment at the hospital is at 8.50am.. It takes mum and step-dad roughly 40 minutes to get to me, 10 minutes to get me into the car etc, then a further 45 minutes to get to hospital.. and that's if the traffic isn't bad. Now, in light of this, my mum had made arrangements with a friend (who often looks after my children to give mum and step-dad a break during the day) to come and do the morning routine with the children, get them ready and fed, and then take them to school (which is only 30 seconds walking distance from mum's home) so that mum and step-dad, and me, can leave their home early enough to make it to my scan appointment on time! It was all worked out and arranged and everyone was happy, UNTIL I TOLD THE CSW! Now, the whole point of this paragraph is this. The GP has told my mum to stick to the arrangements already made (me staying the Sunday night etc) and to ignore the CSW as there are no court orders saying I have to stay away, no judge has issued an order etc.. nothing like that is in place. The problem is, I am now very worried that if I DO do this, it will be a big black mark against me in regards to everything else that is going on, but I don't see another way around it! Besides, as I already said, there is no law passed that says I can't spend the night with my mum, simply because my older children are there! I love them dearly, they love me dearly, I am not a threat to them in any way, shape or form.. but the CSW doesn't want to see it that way. Rock and hard place, much? I'm rambling.. Sorry.
So there you have it. That's pretty much what's happened today. I can't actually tell you how relieved I am that it is the weekend.. Sure, I'll probably spend the weekend worrying about the week to come, but at least social workers don't work on weekends.. usually.. I can breathe. Sorta.
OH AND TO TOP IT OFF?? My perp is being evicted.. and now I have to return to the town I'm fleeing from to collect my belongings (NO WHERE TO PUT THEM! NOT ALLOWED AT REFUGE) in the next week and risk also running into him and his family!! Arrangements have to be made for that. Just when I thought the stress levels were reducing, hmm? Hehe. I'm determined to keep my chin up, though.. and when things are too hard? I eat frozen fruit. Lol.
Thank you once again for replying to my 'blog' of a thread. I really do appreciate the advice and support you are offering. It has, so far, been very helpful.
I have still been unable to get any minutes or anything of the like in regards to previous meetings despite having asked. It's now the end of the week so I'm going to have to wait until Monday (time's running out!) before I can go any further with that.
In regards to legal advice, I had to phone three different solicitors in my attempts to find one that can help me on such a short notice. I am pleased to report that I have now got one, although I have not been able to have my first appointment yet. I believe this has been arranged for the Monday coming. I have, however, spoken to the lovely lady on the phone and guess what? SHE KNOWS THE CSW and has had dealings with him in the past! I wasn't sure though if she thought badly or otherwise of him. I guess I will find out on Monday. The lady I spoke to today will not be able to represent me at the meeting (which after a lot of bugging and phone calls I managed to find out is this coming Thursday at 3 or 3.30pm - CSW couldn't be sure!!) but her colleague will be there in her place (She had a prior arranged court appearance or something for someone else). SO PROGRESS! Yipee! I might well actually sleep tonight, hehe.
Heh, a family group conference is out of the question at this time as I am unable to be anywhere NEAR the father of my baby or his family. He is the reason I am in a refuge.. It just isn't going to happen, although I have to say that I have been to one of these FGC's before and despite it being in regards to my other children, my views and opinions were totally swept under the table and decisions in regards to their care were made while I was busily bawling my eyes out after having run from the room due to being ignored, then 'told off' (as if I were a child), and then to make matters worse, my ex was the one to come and 'find and calm me down' by order of the man who ran the FGC. Not an experience I wish to repeat, sadly. I do understand, however, that these FGC's can be very helpful and if it were a possibility, I would agree to one for my unborn baby.
Thank you for the special guardianship advice sheet. I've not read it yet, but I will do so after posting this, as well as emailing it to my mum. I'm sure there will be something in there that will clear up a few things for us both.
I have contacted MIND, yes, although they promised to ring me back today and have not done so. I will call again on Monday. It's a bit hard for me to go to their offices as I don't have any transport and due to Pelvic Girdle Pain I am unable to get a bus or use public transport as this would mean walking distances and I just can't do that at the moment. I'm working on getting someone to come to me though!
Thanks again.
Now for the updates --
Most of it has been covered already in what I've already written, but the one thing I wanted to mention is that my mum went to see her GP (who also controls her medicines etc and is VERY good with her) to talk about her stress levels and what was happening with me and the CSW. The GP was absolutely horrified to hear how both she and I were being treated (as are a LOT of other people recently!) and after mum telling him that she and I had made plans for me to spend the night previous to my induction day with her, the CSW had literally hit the roof and demanded that I not go anywhere near my mums home, but rather that she should come to ME on Monday morning and collect me. My appointment at the hospital is at 8.50am.. It takes mum and step-dad roughly 40 minutes to get to me, 10 minutes to get me into the car etc, then a further 45 minutes to get to hospital.. and that's if the traffic isn't bad. Now, in light of this, my mum had made arrangements with a friend (who often looks after my children to give mum and step-dad a break during the day) to come and do the morning routine with the children, get them ready and fed, and then take them to school (which is only 30 seconds walking distance from mum's home) so that mum and step-dad, and me, can leave their home early enough to make it to my scan appointment on time! It was all worked out and arranged and everyone was happy, UNTIL I TOLD THE CSW! Now, the whole point of this paragraph is this. The GP has told my mum to stick to the arrangements already made (me staying the Sunday night etc) and to ignore the CSW as there are no court orders saying I have to stay away, no judge has issued an order etc.. nothing like that is in place. The problem is, I am now very worried that if I DO do this, it will be a big black mark against me in regards to everything else that is going on, but I don't see another way around it! Besides, as I already said, there is no law passed that says I can't spend the night with my mum, simply because my older children are there! I love them dearly, they love me dearly, I am not a threat to them in any way, shape or form.. but the CSW doesn't want to see it that way. Rock and hard place, much? I'm rambling.. Sorry.
So there you have it. That's pretty much what's happened today. I can't actually tell you how relieved I am that it is the weekend.. Sure, I'll probably spend the weekend worrying about the week to come, but at least social workers don't work on weekends.. usually.. I can breathe. Sorta.
OH AND TO TOP IT OFF?? My perp is being evicted.. and now I have to return to the town I'm fleeing from to collect my belongings (NO WHERE TO PUT THEM! NOT ALLOWED AT REFUGE) in the next week and risk also running into him and his family!! Arrangements have to be made for that. Just when I thought the stress levels were reducing, hmm? Hehe. I'm determined to keep my chin up, though.. and when things are too hard? I eat frozen fruit. Lol.
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ijustwantausername
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:33 pm
Re: CSW issues and discrimination toward Mental Health - made to feel totally useless
What a laugh. 
My mum was extremely upset today. I've cried more tears than I can ever remember crying. I'm surprised I am still pregnant and have not gone into labour from the sheer stress of everything that's happened.
Today, without more than 24hrs notice, social services decided to remove my children from my mother and step-father and put them with my ex-husband (who lives in a 1 bedroom flat with his boyfriend). My mum was beside herself. I was a complete mess. God knows how my children feel because I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW ANYTHING!! Bull****. I found out.
Tomorrow my CSW is going to stand up in front of all the important people and tell them how I abused my toddler of a daughter in a public place. He's going to leave out the part where I went to court to prove otherwise, and was found not guilty. He's then going to state that I am 'unfit to care for a child, or newborn', due to the fact that I have Bi-polar type 2 and I have said that this makes me inconsistent in my care and my ability to meet the child/rens needs WHEN UNMEDICATED (he won't say that part though). He isn't going to say that I've been medicated for this for over a week and my current medication is quick acting (chosen specifically for this reason) and has already made a significant change to my stability, mood wise. If I hadn't been on this medication, I would have committed suicide. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and suffering with a whole world of pain and other physical issues. Not to mention what is happening with my older children. And to top it all off, my 'support worker' cannot appear in person at this meeting to support me as she is unable to be anywhere with me while my perpetrator is present. Which he will be. With his solicitor. And probably his mother, Sargent Major Mum. My solicitor refused to see me before the meeting (I HAVE NOT EVEN MET HER YET OR SPOKEN TO HER ON THE PHONE) as she said she didn't think it would be needed due to the nature of the letter written by the social worker. THANKS SOLICITOR. You're no effin' help either.
Oh yeah, and he's probably going to ask me why I'm crying at the meeting. And then ask if I'm going to commit suicide 'because that is what people with Bipolar who get very depressed do'. HELLO? YOU'RE DRIVING ME TOWARD IT.......?
I thought I had this one under my hat. I thought I was finally making a bit of progress. Just goes to show how people with labels are totally dismissed and treated like sh....oh yeah. can't use that word here.
I'm in agony. My heart is in a billion pieces. I've already lost my two older children.. if I loose this little life growing inside me too.. Well.. I doubt I'd die. But I'd be damn well close to it. Probably just a broken shell of a person who doesn't even answer to a name. I'm already feeling close to that.. My closest friends have no idea how I'm still functioning.
So, to recap, and in a nutshell..
I'm 36 weeks pregnant, being induced in 5 days.
I've lost my two older children to a man who is in no way able to care for them.
I've been threatened, mistreated, abused and have run from domestic abuse.
I've fallen apart at the seams, probably never going to recover.
I've been told not to bother in regards to getting anything ready for my baby as I 'most likely wont even get to bring him home'
And I've been discriminated against due to having a mental illness THAT I DIDN'T BUY AT TESCO'S... I was born with it. SORRY! Wait..what?
HOW IS ANY OF THIS FAIR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
And all of this in just 2 months! Most of it in the past 2 weeks!! I'm not sorry I've written all this.. I AM sorry, however, that the CSW will never get to read it. It might just give him some insight into how HORRIBLE and RUDE and INdecent he is being. BULLSH...ip is he trying to keep the children with their mother! He told me that's what they do! LIAR!
Sorry. I'll post this now..
My mum was extremely upset today. I've cried more tears than I can ever remember crying. I'm surprised I am still pregnant and have not gone into labour from the sheer stress of everything that's happened.
Today, without more than 24hrs notice, social services decided to remove my children from my mother and step-father and put them with my ex-husband (who lives in a 1 bedroom flat with his boyfriend). My mum was beside herself. I was a complete mess. God knows how my children feel because I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW ANYTHING!! Bull****. I found out.
Tomorrow my CSW is going to stand up in front of all the important people and tell them how I abused my toddler of a daughter in a public place. He's going to leave out the part where I went to court to prove otherwise, and was found not guilty. He's then going to state that I am 'unfit to care for a child, or newborn', due to the fact that I have Bi-polar type 2 and I have said that this makes me inconsistent in my care and my ability to meet the child/rens needs WHEN UNMEDICATED (he won't say that part though). He isn't going to say that I've been medicated for this for over a week and my current medication is quick acting (chosen specifically for this reason) and has already made a significant change to my stability, mood wise. If I hadn't been on this medication, I would have committed suicide. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and suffering with a whole world of pain and other physical issues. Not to mention what is happening with my older children. And to top it all off, my 'support worker' cannot appear in person at this meeting to support me as she is unable to be anywhere with me while my perpetrator is present. Which he will be. With his solicitor. And probably his mother, Sargent Major Mum. My solicitor refused to see me before the meeting (I HAVE NOT EVEN MET HER YET OR SPOKEN TO HER ON THE PHONE) as she said she didn't think it would be needed due to the nature of the letter written by the social worker. THANKS SOLICITOR. You're no effin' help either.
Oh yeah, and he's probably going to ask me why I'm crying at the meeting. And then ask if I'm going to commit suicide 'because that is what people with Bipolar who get very depressed do'. HELLO? YOU'RE DRIVING ME TOWARD IT.......?
I thought I had this one under my hat. I thought I was finally making a bit of progress. Just goes to show how people with labels are totally dismissed and treated like sh....oh yeah. can't use that word here.
I'm in agony. My heart is in a billion pieces. I've already lost my two older children.. if I loose this little life growing inside me too.. Well.. I doubt I'd die. But I'd be damn well close to it. Probably just a broken shell of a person who doesn't even answer to a name. I'm already feeling close to that.. My closest friends have no idea how I'm still functioning.
So, to recap, and in a nutshell..
I'm 36 weeks pregnant, being induced in 5 days.
I've lost my two older children to a man who is in no way able to care for them.
I've been threatened, mistreated, abused and have run from domestic abuse.
I've fallen apart at the seams, probably never going to recover.
I've been told not to bother in regards to getting anything ready for my baby as I 'most likely wont even get to bring him home'
And I've been discriminated against due to having a mental illness THAT I DIDN'T BUY AT TESCO'S... I was born with it. SORRY! Wait..what?
HOW IS ANY OF THIS FAIR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
And all of this in just 2 months! Most of it in the past 2 weeks!! I'm not sorry I've written all this.. I AM sorry, however, that the CSW will never get to read it. It might just give him some insight into how HORRIBLE and RUDE and INdecent he is being. BULLSH...ip is he trying to keep the children with their mother! He told me that's what they do! LIAR!
Sorry. I'll post this now..
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