can I ask a question? about care proceedings

[Askmelater]

Hi
Just a quick question (please move if in the wrong place)

Social services said if my husband returns to my house they will start care proceeding's for my children, he wants to come home but I am really scared I have been told to chose now I know it kills him but my kids are my world. Someone said let him come home cos even if social start care proceedings they may not even win, now I personally think it is to much of a high risk and I do not want to lose my 5 children, my husband was arrested for child cruelty and was took to court but the case was thrown out because the kids did not want him to go to prison so they all clubbed together and refused to give evidence, I guess my question is what would u guys do? I know it hurts my husband being away, but I do not wanna risk my kids, am I being too selfish,

[ange301126]

Dear askmelater, You should not be frightened of coming out and speaking freely on this forum because it is entirely anonymous.

We can't advise you really unless we know the facts.You say the children got together and refused to give evidence against him.

Was he abusive and violent or wasn't he?

If he is an abusive man, a heavy drinker, possibly a drug addict and control freak who is violent towards you and the children then the CS will be concerned about that even if no-one will testify against him.

Tell us openly what is behind it all.

The CS appears to be overstepping the mark and abusing its powers but what is the underlying reason?

Did the social workers give correct facts at the child-protection conference or was it just malicious allegations. What have they got against him?

[Askmelater]

Hi ,
Thank you for ur reply. I know if my husband was to see my reply he would not be to pleased but need honesty.
Womans refuge are involved for domestic abuse. Never tho has he raised his hand to me. It was all what they classed as mental/ controlling. Cs have made up a lot of stuff. But I can see there point on some things they remain on a CPR for emotional abuse they came off the one for physical abuse and they said they only came off that because he was not here anymore.
I just wish people could see things from my eyes.
I know everyone says let them start care proceedings but I don't want to gamble with my kids. There my world. I just wish people could see things my way. And how paranoid I am over eveeythibg. I have convinced my self I get followed my phone lines r tapped. I am living in a nightmare

[ange301126]

Dear askmelater,

I'm sorry to keep asking you questions. You have been knocked from pillar to post and I can see you are very upset,confused and wanting an end to it.

Ask the children who told them not to give evidence to court? This is important. Did someone tell them it would stop Dad going to prison? Perhaps the social worker,a lawyer,the bobby or even you.

Did your husband raise a hand to the children?
If so ,was there any harm done perhaps a red mark or bruise.

If he did not, I can't see what the CS are going on about. They should be trying to keep your family together not driving the two of you apart.

What was it that got the family into this trouble in the first place,did one of the children tell some silly tales at school which were taken too seriously and got exaggerated? That is a mistake which the CS are always making. Later on, in your confusion,did you make some hasty comments about controlling behavior to the Police and the CS won't let you withdraw them?

Don't forget to answer every question, askmelater.It will help stop the nightmare.

[Murray72]

askmelater,

Hi, I think you already know the answer, from your response to some of the previous questions asked at least you have some reservations.

I have personal experience of this and would say what you are experiencing from CS is a very real threat and if CS begin to build a case against you and your husband they will leave no stone unturned, they speak to family members, the children school/nursery, neighbours and at times (in my case) use private investigators. If you or your husband have any police record etc they will drag that up and if you have ever called the police in regards to your partner, maybe in the heat of an argument this will be used. If you are suffering from domestic violence then now is the time to be strong for your sake and that of your children. Even if the threat is emotional don't think that this won't affect your children, they see and hear and feel much more than we realise. ( speaking from personal experience here) Your friend is right that CS are not guaranteed to win in court, but you only have to look through the posts on this site to see they do win a lot in court and tear families apart everyday. Any decision made in the family court is based on probability and not unreasonable doubt. The Judge is the one who makes a decision just one person to convince, not a jury.

CS are offering you the chance to make a decision and keep your children, this is a good sign they trust you to keep the children safe and you can protect them. CS are not known for giving second chances.

Look at it like this your husband is an adult and has an understanding of why these decisions have been made, your children need a Mother and they need to be home. If for any reason they were to end up in FC it is a painfully slow process to have them returned.

[ange301126]

Dear askmelater, In my opinion,you are right to put the children first BEFORE your husband and I am pretty sure he will agree with you.You should do everything possible to keep the kids out of the clutches of the CS.

I trust he has not molested you or threatened you or harassed you with lots of text messages.

As you have already told us, the CS have made much of it up .They do that a lot.That is how they win court cases! Never trust them and when you suspected your 'phone was bugged and you were being followed,you know now you were probably right.Thanks to Murray for her description of how they infringed her civil rights so long ago.

Looking after five children must be tremendously stressful for any mother on her own and there is a possibility they are just waiting for you to slip up. As with Murray,they may pounce at the first opportunity. I strongly advise you to contact your local MP and ask him to intervene for you.Tell him everything.

Don't forget to answer my questions in the previous message. *****


This post has been edited by Suzie as it breaches forum rules.