Social Workers involving themselves with my family

[Worried Dad]

Back in November, I was accused of being responsible for a bruise on my son's leg through excessive chastisement.
I was interviewed under caution by the Police.
The initial SW was very unreasonable and called a Child Protection conference, supported by a report filled with errors and embellishments.
The CP conference was nearly farcical. Non of the 'agencies' had any dirt on us. Medical was all up together, School was 100% attendance and above average attainment. The Police asked 'who are you? We do not know you'.
The CP conference ended up with a Child in Need plan - essentially some actions. The main ones being to resolve our differences with the school (we had some minor issues, but the CP conf seemed to blow them out of proportion). The other was a parenting course.
The Police representative actually got up and left the CP conference before it had fully finished. As he left, we shook hands. He could plainly see we were otherwise a functional family caught up in a spot of bother. He had bigger things to deal with.

Subsequently, the Police informed me there would be no further action.

My son is happy, not traumatised, and is getting fed up with the various agencies talking to him.

We were assigned a new social worker who is a lot more reasonable. She visited us just the once over the 3 months since the CP conf. She said she would arrange the parenting course for us. We had our meeting with the school.

I discipline differently now, without the use of chastisement totally. As a family we are getting on just fine.

We have had our 3 month, on from the CP conf, meeting. This involved the headteacher and SW.

The initial concern of safety in the home with regard to the chastisement has been resolved.

The SW focus now appears to have moved on to general involvement in my family. The SW is due to visit again to discuss ways of managing my son.

My son was being picked on at school. He retaliated and got into trouble. We had several chats with his teacher, who confirmed it was the other party that was causing the trouble. The teacher has now split my son away from the trouble maker. When discussing this issue with the headteacher and SW at the 3 month meeting, they made out my son might need Pastoral care for his anger management - as if to be seen to be doing something.
As if to be seen to be doing their bit, we have received a letter from the school asking for our permission for our son to receive the pastoral care. I believe this pastoral care is not required based on one issue of being picked on. In the absence of the SW being involved, I do not believe this pastoral care would be mentioned. My son is involved in various after school activities and had no problems interacting with his peers.

How do I get the SW to stop involving themselves with my family?

[Murray72]

Hi Worried dad,

I am not an expert and I am sure Suzie will be along shortly to offer you more advice on this subject. I have my own experiences of CS and would simply advise you to cooperate fully, I know you feel the assistance of pastoral care is not required, but if you refuse it could be seen as your failure to cooperate, this is one of the more common area's CS can raise concerns in the early stages of family involvement. At the moment CS are still assessing you, and every visit, phone call, email and interaction is under scrutiny, how you respond to this is key to getting them out of your children's life forever.

Depending on the age of the child it can be difficult to engage the child with the agencies, a teenager does not want to talk about personal issues with a stranger (even if they are a SW), but a younger child may find it easier to open up. It is very difficult to have this level of intrusion from an outside agency but in my opinion the quickest way to resolve any issues with CS is to be honest, accept the areas your struggling with and do not be hostile (difficult I know!!) CS were involved with my family just short of 6 years!!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Worried Dad

My name is Suzie and I am an Adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that you are experiencing a difficult and frustrating time due to Children Services involvement with your family.

Murray has given you very good advice. Cooperating with Children Services is the best way to get the outcome you want for your family.
Children Services became involved because of the issue relating to physical chastisement of your son. However, the Child Protection Conference concluded that the harm was not at a level which required a child protection plan. It seems that some concerns remained which meant that Children Services would continue to monitor the situation under a Child in Need plan. Whilst you may not see the need for a plan it is there to provide support to you and your children to ensure that the problems which led to a child protection conference do not happen again.

In your post you say that you do not think your son need the pastoral care that is being offered by his school. Have you been told what this will involve and how your son if likely to benefit? It may be that he will be helped to learn strategies that help him if he were to be confronted by the same kind of behaviour that you say he suffered because of another pupil. I think you should give consideration to this in a more objective way rather than seeing it as simply Children Services interfering in your family.

Children Services do have a duty to help and support families. I am including a link here to our advice sheet relating to family support. You will see that where it is decided that a child in need plan is need there is different kinds of support that can be offered to a child or the parent to give support in caring for the child or children.

If Children Services offer support and you do not accept it, then you have to show that you can provide something to satisfy that identified need. Otherwise, as already stated it could be seen as failure to cooperate and therefore not meeting a child’s needs.

You could discuss with the Social Worker and/or the Team Manager in a constructive way, why you do not consider pastoral care will be helpful for your son.

It may be that the sooner the issues of concern are addressed the quicker Children Services involvement will end. If they do not think there is a need then the Child in Need plan will not be continued.

I hope you find the information helpful. However, if you would like to speak to an Adviser please telephone our free advice line on 0808 801 0366. the advice line is open 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[Worried Dad]

Thank you Murray72 and Suzie

Thank you for the words of advice and making me think differently on this. The way you deal with issues outside your comfort zone can easily and unintentionally be construed as failing to cooperate.

My son is 8 yrs old and verbally articulate. It turns out the pastoral care will be for 6 weeks, and be provided by one of his existing TAs. I asked my son on his thoughts on this TA, and he thought her to be very nice and helpful. Therefore, I am more relaxed on this point now, and will agree to it. I will also accept an invitation to meet with the TA that will be giving the pastoral care who I presume will explain more to me the whats and whys.


One point from the Child in Need plan was for my Wife and I to attend a parenting course. Obviously this was put in place on the thinking we were dysfunctional enough to require it, whereby we needed training on how to deal with our son without resorting to chastisement.
3 months on, and I use different techniques now and no longer use chastisement, and everything is humming along nicely. However, the tick box requiring us to attend a parenting course remains unticked. Initial contact with the agency that we were referred to suggested their course would be every morning for 12 weeks! Totally unacceptable for families with working parents. The SW took this point on board. I do sense Child Services in general will respect the employment of the parents.

Question - if the SW can be satisfied that our home environment functions just fine, could the need to attend a parenting course be dropped?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Worried Dad

I am glad you have found the advice you have received of some use and that you are able to see things in a more positive light.

With regards to the parenting course, and whether you will be required to attend if there are improvements in the home environment, that really depends on the reasons why you were referred in the first place, especially if professionals had raised concerns about your need to implement alternative ways to discipline your child.

From the sounds of it you are already implementing these newly acquired strategies and they will want to be confident you are able to sustain these long term. Perhaps it was felt you could also benefit from learning additional parenting skills appropriate to your son's age and be given the opportunity to share your skills and experiences with other parents and carers in a safe learning environment.

As already stated in the previous advice, I would suggest you keep an open mind because your attendance on a recognised parenting course ie strengthening families can only serve to rule in your favour as part of the assessment of your family's needs and your positive attitude to the attendance on the course will be recorded as part of the current plan.

It may also be advisable to speak to the social worker to seek some idea of timescales about when you can expect to start any courses offered, and the duration, size of the group etc. Once you have the relevant information, not only may it help you to make your decision easier. It is more likely to lead to a positive professional assessment and increased likelihood of the child in need plan being ended in the near future

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[Worried Dad]

The social worker visited again a few weeks ago.
As lip service, we had put up some reward charts; we do not necessarily agree with them and do not believe a child should get a gold star for something a basic as brushing their teeth. Carry on like that and they'll grow up expecting the world owes them something just for getting out of bed in the morning. Sound familiar?
(As well as ongoing praise and interaction during the day, we will celebrate success, such as moving up a reading level, by going to Pizza Hut, for example.)
The social worker arrives armed with her own reward charts but soon concedes ours are better. I reminded her of a phone call I gave her a month earlier, where a situation occurred that would previously have most likely led to chastisement. Instead I used verbal reasoning a withdrawal of tablet and xbox. All nice and positive, but it was genuine on my part.
We discussed again the parenting course and not hearing from them. I did ask her, now knowing who we are and how we operate, do we really need to go on a parenting course? She was a little taken aback by this and said she would have to talk to her boss, who happened to be one of the more realistic attendees at the CP conf who I interacted with positively.

A week later, we receive a letter from the SW to say the file on my boys has been closed. I'm assuming here that the need for parenting course has been withdrawn?

Add to that, the headteacher at the school has left.

Happy Days.

My thanks to this forum, and those who posted replies. I do hope this thread give hope and clarity to others who find themselves in the same situation as I did. I felt so very very low when all this started. I hope you get the vibe from my reply above that I am a lot better now.

[ange301126]

Dear worried dad.

Thank you very much for your post which will provide encouragement to other parents.

You cooperated with the school and the CS and the case came to a conclusion satisfactory to all concerned. Most importantly, you were consulted and kept informed at all times, your voice was heard,your boy was listened to and cooperation was mutual.They appear to have been open, honest,fair and impartial and that led to realistic and fair appraisals.

In my opinion, in your case the system operated as it should do, the CS department you were dealing with at no time exceeded its authority or overreacted to its various concerns and proved itself a worthy organisation. A softly softly approach when dealing with human beings can be much more productive than pouncing on families like bulls in a china-shop! Furthermore,it was all completed within reasonable time-scales not years.

Hurrah for the sw concerned for supporting you in bringing about this outcome. Cases can so easily go wrong; I think the advice given to you by murray in the first instance was excellent.

What form did the ' pastoral care' take? I think that schools should provide this sort of training to all children from the age of 5 to 11 without fail . They should be schooled in morals,ethics,non-violence, samaritanism,the ten commandments including obedience and respect to their elders,prayer etc. Also there should be a daily assembly at which they are reminded of all these simple but vital social principles and read a parable. Children need direction at an early age.If they aren't all shown orthodox behaviour and morality early on,how can they all get on together? Class prefects from amongst the children themselves should monitor each childs behaviour to cut out bullying , fighting and so on.

Call it pastoral care not religious training. They can be taught about religion enabling them to make their own choices at big school.

Once again, thank you for coming back to us about the encouraging outcome. It is a lesson which I trust Suzie (as well as parents)will take note of for the future.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Worried Dad

It is great news that Children Services are no longer involved with your family and have closed their file.

Thank you for posting your positive outcome and the fact that cooperation rather than hostility will lead to a good outcome. Whilst you may not have agreed with everything asked of you, the situation has improved because you have taken on board new strategies and made changes to your parenting and the way you discipline your children.

All the very best for the future and I hope thing will continue to go well for you and your family.

Best wishes,

Suzie