Fathers rights after prison

[Macalica44]

Hi, I would really appreciate some advice on the following please.

At the end of May 2013 my partner was sentenced to four years (to serve 2) for having a consensual relationship with a 15 year old girl (I know this was not right but it happened and I’m in no way trying to justify this). Prior to this happening he was about to be granted full custody of his two children. Moving on, he was sent to prison and contact between himself and the children was granted as he was deemed as no risk to them. Just as this was about to go through his ex wife and mother of the children put a stop to it. She did this not because she believed the children to be at risk but basically out of spite. She is diagnosed with a personality disorder that means she takes pleasure in controlling, lying to and manipulating people in whatever way she can and did this so she could basically blackmail my partners parents for money in return for contact with the children. Before my partner was sent to prison he and his family had a close relationship with the children and had regular contact. The children have suffered for having all contact with their father and his family removed from their lives. The mother of the children has had many dealings with social services over the way she is treating the children. They are neglected and now social services are involved again because she is putting the children in dangerous situations and putting them at risk. As you can imagine my partner and his parents are distraught as they feel there is nothing they can do to intervene as all contact has been cut. We are all very concerned that as a result of the mother’s behaviour the children will be taken into care. My partner is due for release in 3 months time. He is convinced he will have no rights over the children and the only access he will have to them will be through a contact centre and he knows that his ex will not cooperate. What we would like to know is if when he comes out what rights will he have to his children. He will be in a stable relationship, with his own home and have the support of his family. The mother of the children is a drug user, is unstable and has continually put her children at risk, which social services are aware of. Is there anyway my partner would be able to get custody of his children after what he has done? He will be on the sex offender register for life. If he will not be allowed custody of his children will there be anyway to enforce contact without the mother’s cooperation? I’m fully aware that it is his own fault that he is in this situation but he is a good man who made a massive mistake, I would not have stood by him all this time if I believed otherwise, what’s done is done and now we are just trying to find a way forward for the sake of the children.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

[Macalica44]

Please can anyone advise?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Macalica44

Welcome to the parent's discussion board.

First of all, it is important to know that it is not possible for a fifteen year old child to give consent to sexual relationships. Therefore, Children's Services with assistance from probation will want to assess your insight into your partner's offending history to establish if you could be a protective factor for the children. It goes without saying that he will need to comply with any licence conditions that are put in place.

Your partner will need to be risk assessed to see if he continues to pose a risk, his attitudes to his offences, the circumstances at the time, and what support he would be willing to receive to make any required changes. Furthermore, if he is agreeable to undertake a risk assessment with Lucy Faithfull Foundation , an organisation with expertise in supporting families around sexual offending behaviour.

If you wish to seek further advice about your situation, please feel free to contact our advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 3.00 pm.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[Murray72]

Hi Macalica,
I have read your post and have a little understanding of your situation, I think it is important that you accept the future is not going to be easy, and any contact between your partner and the children will be supervised, probably in a contact centre until such time that the children reach adulthood or CS consider him to be rehabilitated, of course one of the concerns is the fact your partner is coming to the end of his prison sentence and neither of you accept the seriousness of his crime and don't accept the risk he poses.

I hope you contact the agencies mentioned in Suzie post, but I would urge you to be realistic about the future.

[Shaftesbury]

Hi. My partner committed the same crime but he was only placed on the Register for ten years. However, I'm afraid to say that he has fought and fought for years for any contact with his child but since his ex refused and used his offences to prohibit this he didn't win. In my opinion no professional wants to be the person to say "give him a chance" just in case something should happen. There have been too many cases in the media where this has happened so everybody is so extra-protective nowadays. Its frustrating that somebody who had a relationship with a 15 year old (even though a 15 year old can't give consent its a whole world of difference, in my opinion, if they went along with it as opposed to being forced) would then be suspected of wanting to commit a sex crime against his own child.

My partner had lots of risk assessments and they all came back saying he didn't pose a risk to pre-pubescents but there was no way of being absolutely sure he wouldn't try to have sex with his child when they turned 15. In my opinion there is no way of being absolutely sure ANYBODY wouldn't try to have sex with their own child when they turn 15. If somebody has been sentenced for a sex crime against a child you would think they would be monitored and therefore the risk would be lowered.

Its so unfair that people who commit sex crimes against children are all lumped into the same basket - people who had a relationship with a 15 year old who went along with it are seen as equal to those who force themselves upon 4 year olds. I'm not saying either of these people are right, but in my opinion there's a world of difference to the crimes. The latter are monsters. The former are sometimes monsters, but sometimes just people who made stupid mistakes and have to pay for them for the rest of their lives. Maybe rightly so, but they are labelled exactly the same as those who did terrible terrible things.

Sorry, went off on a tangent there, its just something that's quite close to me at the moment so I totally know what you're going through. Good luck to your partner for getting access to his children but I'm afraid it may be a bumpy ride. The thing he may have going for him is the fact his ex is unstable but I'm afraid his crime will be frowned upon very severely too and therefore it may be that the children could be taken into care if neither parent is suitable and there are no other relatives to take them.