Family group conference tommorrow

[justiceisaright]

Hi all, I need advice on developing a plan for the family group conference tomorrow. (the only thing I ask is that the frg commenters do not say "i am sorry to hear your going through such a hard time" because I find it condescending and rather superficial but welcome genuine and valuable advice with out the whole pity part of it. This is where we are at and my goal is to do the best I can for my children not feel sorry for myself)

The local authority have applied for care proceedings last Thursday however we have not received a preissue of the application as requested. Part of that is having a family group conference tomorrow outlining any proposed plans on who, how and where the children should cared for.
According to the Social worker they propose that I should go back to the states with my family where I have more support and am not as isolated.

I have been in the uk since fleeing the middle east from a tyrant husband and due to international law had to come back to the uk after 10 months of abuse due to habitual residency and the children only having british passports and not dual citizenship. Complicated area of international family law. So anywhoo...

I was in a womens refuge for a year while my husband battled for the return of the children. I won the case and we were allowed to remain in the uk. In 2011 we were put on a child in need plan as we lacked routine, emotional baggage from escaping abuse and the children being traumatized, as well as being isolated and financially strapped for cash. After a lot of support from the school and social worker our little family felt a lot more confident and had worked through many of the issues affecting us and we were put on a caf. I felt rather stigmatized and bullied by the head teacher and pastoral care manager (who after no one else was involved kept raising concerns to keep us on the caf which in my opinion was unjustified and often exaggerating concerns). It is safe to say I had been very unhappy in the school since the child in need plan for various reasons but value consistency and in difficult relationships addressing issues rather then running away from them. During the caf I spoke with various teachers and teaching assistants who all expressed concern with how I was being stigmatized by the head teacher. I complained to the caf manager who offered to refer me to something called Intensive Family Support in order to have another party be witness to the concerns raised by the school and see if they had any safeguarding concerns. During the last day of school my Nanny told me the headteacher had been inappropriate and I changed school that summer after many years of making the choice. Intensive Family Support told me they had no concerns with regards to me and the children and said I didn't need to be on the plan but in the review it states I chose not be part of the caf and intensive family support and refused their help although they offered little help in the first place. It is safe to say I did not challenge this as frankly I was too busy with school, work, kids and life in general. Nor did I feel complaining would be heard at the time and perhaps just upset them and cause me more stress. I found being on intensive family support quite stressful because one I didn't feel I met the criteria and 2 when I complained about the head teacher it was handled badly and lastly when I identified ways they could help me they often refused to do so (such as helping me change my carpets) . Unfortunately, this shows that I am unable to keep a professional relationship despite having very good reasons in my opinion.

Fast forward to a few months to December - My washer which had been broken during intensive family support and fixed by myself had broke down again. I overwhelmed myself with work, studying a full time course in social work, and trying to meet the childrens needs on a budget. I had to fire my nanny as she was inconsistent with the care given to my children and at one point fought with her husband in front of them which scared my children to bits. And placed the kids into after school child care. During the time around Christmas the children would get sick off and on with bugs going around and so was I. The clothes started to pile up and a week and half before being taken into care I became very unwell with a high fever and an extremely painful and heavy period. Yet I was still working long hours, attending school, and caring for the children by cooking, homework, transporting them to school, shopping for Christmas. I did it all on my own and did ask for help but no one was available so let the house completely go and cats went toilet on floor and I didn't clean it up, Dishes accumulated and became moldy. On Christmas Eve day also left my two girls 10 and 6 alone in the home while I popped out to get some cleaning products and another turkey with my son. Social services were watching the house as neighbors complained about me leaving kids in the house on their own and were taken into care.

Now we are doing an FRG and my mother is here from the states to support me. I have a neighbor, friends, lady I work for and confidante, the rabbi all attending as well as skyping Aunt and Father back home in the states.

We have 3 scenerios that we are fine tuning

one is if I go to the states with the children to be near/with my mother and father (social services proposal but can we meet their expectations?)
two is if the children go to live with my mother and father because the courts do not feel it is safe to return to me. (Worst case scenario)
three is if me and the children stay here and how can I prevent this happening again? What kind of support do I need to maintain living here with the children? (Social Services feel worried about this as I have been unable to maintain it in the past and appear to improve when services are around but fall flat again when they are no longer there)

Can you suggest or show me any examples of FGC plans that have been effective? How detailed do they need to be and using the SMART technique how do we simply but effectively get this across. My family and friends are extremely supportive and willing to do whatever it takes to help me and the children stay together.

Please respons ASAP if possible as the meeting is moro and we have little time to prepare and tie up loose ends.

Many thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear justiceisaright

Thank you for posting on Family Rights Group Parents’ Forum. I am sorry that a response was not given to your post before now as, unfortunately; we have had difficulties with our internet service.

The situation you have found yourself in for the different reasons posted is of course an unhappy one for yourself and your children.
As you are now in care proceedings you will have the benefit of legal advice from your solicitors regarding your case but I am including a copy of our advice sheet here relating to care proceedings for your information.

In your post you set out the different scenarios which you were considering putting forward to the Family Group Conference and hope that you and your family and friends were able to draw up a plan suitable for your children and acceptable to Children Services. Family Rights Group does not keep FGC plans. In any event, plans would be specific to individual families and their own particular needs so what would be effective for one family might not be for another.

It is usually best in these circumstances to work as cooperatively as you can with Children Services to ensure the best outcome for you and your children.

Best wishes,

Suzie