Please help! Worried!

[PoppyV]

Trying to keep this relatively short and sweet yet truthful:

2011: Social services sent referrals approx 3 times for separate incidences by my ex husband out of pure spite.
Only on one of them (the first) was a police referral as on the night in question, I found out he was having an affair with my friend and he wanted to be with her and leave the family home. Devastated, I drank a bit too much with some well meaning friends and became emotional, firing off a stupid text to my ex stating id kill myself if I couldn't be with him. Stupid yes. I was heartbroken and I'm human. My two kids were asleep in bed and were unaffected.
All 3 referrals were no further action.

Shuffle forward a year and I meet a man who turned out to be an alcoholic and drug user. I tried to help but booted his backside away and dumped him after he got violent with me. We were 'together' 6 months in all. Children did witness his behaviour.

Now I'm with a lovely man. He has a colourful past. We have had a child together (his first my third)
There was an incident at the end of last year where I called the police after we both (had a bit too much to drink) I'm so ashamed. It was New Year's Eve hence the booze but no excuse!
We were visited by SS and had to attend a meeting at my kids school were they said they wasn't 'in need' but a further referral would mean it would go to Child Protection! The SW got loads wrong at the meeting, assumed the domestic violence was with my new partner along with other things.

Two weeks ago we had a disagreement whilst walking along the street. My partner had had a few pints I hadn't. The older kids were not with us, just my 19 month old. A member of the public phoned the police as she assumed he had hot me because I had a cold sore on my lip. The police came out and I took my child home ... But my partner got arrested because he became argumentative with the police.

It's been two weeks, the today the SS have rung to come and see me on Tues. What can I expect?

[PoppyV]

Should also add that my current partner may of had a colourful past but only misdemeanours, nothing like jail sentences, drugs etc and this was all in his youth prior to him having any kids. He has been a reformed character for some years now and is a wonderful father do great partner.

[PoppyV]

Is no one available to comment? I joined over a week ago and I waited a week to get approved? Am I better off ringing helpline?

[Murray72]

Hi Poppy,
I would give the helpline a ring they are open until 3pm I think. Suzie will be along shortly to address your queries but if you are worried about the meeting on Tues I would ring.

Good Luck with the meeting.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello Poppy

I am Suzie, an adviser at Family Rights Group. I’m sorry about the delay in responding to your query- we are a small charity and we are only able to respond to the boards on certain days throughout the week.

Were you able to speak to someone on the advice line as Murray suggested? Hopefully you were able to get some advice but I wanted to at least give you a response before your meeting tomorrow in case you were not able to get through. I would also advise that you read our advice sheet about child protection procedures and/ or have a look at our frequently asked questions (FAQs)

Clearly Children’s Services have received a referral from the police about the incident a couple of weeks ago. These are generated automatically when the police are called to an incident and there is a child present.

Although the incident itself may have been very minor, Children’s Services are likely to be concerned about this in the context of their previous involvement, particularly as the last incident was only a few months ago. In addition, unfortunately, the fact that your partner became argumentative and was arrested is likely to add to the concerns. Has he been charged with anything or bailed to return to the police station?

Children’s Services will want to be reassured that this is not a pattern of behaviour that is escalating and, therefore, placing the children at risk of harm.

In the context of your situation, they will be worried about the possibility of the children witnessing or being aware of violent arguments between you and your partner as this would have an impact on their emotional welfare as well as their physical welfare if they are caught up in the rows. Furthermore, there is evidence to suggest that, when there is domestic violence in a relationship, children are more at risk of having their needs neglected so Children’s Services will want to explore whether this is the case. Finally, given their previous involvement, Children’s Services may wish to feel reassured about the use of alcohol in the household.

Given the amount of time since the incident, Children’s Services do not seem to be viewing this as an immediate or urgent issue. This does not mean that they are not taking it seriously, however, and I would advise that you are clear with them that you understand the seriousness of the situation and that you are taking all reasonable steps to address the concerns.

I would suggest that you and your partner prepare for the meeting as best you can this evening by writing down some of your own thoughts about the situation. I would advise that you emphasise that the children are your priority and that you are both committed to doing whatever is in their best interests.

I would advise that both you and your partner cooperate fully with the visit tomorrow. As I have said, I would emphasise that you do understand why this incident would lead Children’s Servicves to be concerned and that you are willing and able to work with professionals to address any issues or concerns that are raised.

If you haven’t already, I would advise that you and your partner discuss what led to the recent incident and think about ways that you could avoid a similar situation in the future by, for example, agreeing to cut down on alcohol intake, or engaging in couple counselling. Highlight any changes that you have made or are planning to make since the incident to the social worker and emphasise your commitment to ensuring that there are no further incidents.

Despite what the social worker said at the New Year, there is no guarantee that the matter will lead to a child protection investigation. Children’s Services may be reassured by meeting you and close the case, they may suggest that a child in need assessment is carried out to look at support they could offer your family or they may feel that the threshold has been met to investigate further with a possible outcome of a child protection conference.

All you can do at this stage is be as calm and open as you can at the meeting tomorrow, ensure that you are listening carefully to any concerns raised and respond to these honestly. It is very reasonable that you ask the social worker to be open and honest with you about the likely next step, including the timescales for any decisions and/ or assessments.

I would expect that, after the meeting tomorrow, you will be much clearer about what is likely to happen next so please do come back to us and let us know how things have gone and if there is any further advice that you need. There will be an adviser on the boards tomorrow so we will do our best to answer any urgent enquiries.

I hope this is a useful start Poppy.

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser

[Confused.com]

Couldn't find how to do a new post but lookin for advice in April my partner was arrested for common assault and possession of an offence weapon ,the assault was wen he pushed his aunty off him after she slapped him and although in possession of the weapon it was never used .it was a row about his auntys boyfriend had tried to rape my partner mother .he was kept in remand for 3 weeks as there was a unsuitable bail address that wasn't in the area.he was let out to an address at his uncles 40 mins away but can come into area just must sleep at his uncles .so social services became involved mid April wen incident happened to do a risk assessment the previous 3 weeks my partner has had 2 hours supervised access per week .they had a written agreement in place to state I must stick to the agreement or they could take it further.this agreement expired today .over the weekend they said as it was Father's Day he could have contact just away from the family home so we went to a local park and had a picnic and was there for 5 hours ,there was no time limit .today I had a phone call sayin I could now act as superviser and it could be for 2 hours a day .my issue is it is affecting the children they think he has been workin away a lot and that is why he has hardly been about I asked her what is the difference between 2 and 4 hours because if he was allowed to be here to put them to bed then they would have more normality .also I am 37 weeks pregnant and when I asked what would happen then she said that he finished work at 9:30 am anyway so he would be with the baby all day anyway .if I thought he was any risk to my children I wouldn't allow him to be in there lives or mine anyway .but is there anything I can do the social worker contradicts her self with stamens she makes and things that she allows the social worker previously providing supervision has allowed my partner in the house 15 mins ahead of her because she was on the phone .why allow access at the weekend with no time constraints to apply them now .if I'm solely supervising then why does it matter if I supervise for 2 or 10 hours what's the difference. Why would he be allowed contact with his own blood related child all day but unrelated children just 2 hours a day

[PoppyV]

Thank you Suzie! Just in time!
To answer your questions:
Other half was just cautioned and let home after only a couple of hours.
We have already discussed the argument and have already sorted the problem. He suffers from epilepsy and has as a result been out of work for sometime. It's bashed his pride hugely since becoming a father and as I work, he has been feeling like he isn't putting enough into the family to support us. So he has gone through the job centre and has lined up some voluntary work in the hope it can start to rebuild his job prospects!
I'm really nervous about tomorrow but fingers crossed!

Confused.com; there should be a button that says 'new post' - would you mind reporting as your post could get confused with mine? Cheers

[PoppyV]

Ok, so meeting done.
Lovely SW. But I am worried.

She only knew of the incident at New Years.
She is going to the school to speak to the boys.
She had no knowledge of the past history.

So basically does this mean she is now going to go find it all out and the kids are going to be put under child protection?

Or as she said ' I don't think there's anything to suggest we med to come back and see you unless the school have any issues'
The school won't have any issues I'm certain. My boys are excelling, their attendance is 99%. They are happy confident children.

Oh well, another few weeks of agonising waiting I suppose.
Any advice?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Poppy,

The social worker has just started the assessment. I would expect her to look back at children services file and so therefore see the history of their past involvement. However, the past assessments came back positive. You say the assessments were closed with no further action.
So on the history- I wouldn’t expect it to lead to a child protection plan.

However,If at any time during the current assessment, concerns emerge that your children have suffered harm or may be at risk of harm, then the assessment should become a child protection investigation. The social worker should organise a strategy discussion . This will be to discuss with the police and other agencies about how a child protection investigation will proceed.

Only if during a child protection investigation, there was reasonable cause to suspect that your children were at risk of being harmed then a child protection conference would be held.

However, your children’s’ names would only go on a child protection plan if there was evidence of an “ongoing risk” of them suffering significant harm. So if any risk is identified then the key is to make sure that the risk is taken seriously by you steps are taken to reduce the risk.

It is important that your partner also cooperate with children services. They can then assess how risky he might be and offer him support. He could also contact an organisation like Respect who can advise him about support in your area.

As I advised before, stay relaxed and cooperate with the assessment process.
If you have any further questions, please post back.
Suzie

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi confused.com.

Welcome to the parents forum.

I think you are asking all the right questions. There is a lot of inconsistency and I am confused as well about what you are expected to do.

You should either email her (and her manager) or request a meeting.
Ask her to explain the new contract. How will it work? Who will take over when your baby is born? Point out the inconsistencies. How long is the contract for? When will it be reviewed?
Could you suggest someone else-maybe within your friend and family network who could be involved in supervising?

You should also ask that sets out what she expects in a “contract of expectations” or written agreement for you to use. If nothing is in writing then it is easy to make a mistake and then be in breach of the agreement.


Best wishes,
Suzie