Showing emotional warmth?

[Bee*]

One of the concerns that the social worker and a few other professionals have with our family is that because I have Asperger Syndrome, she doesn't think I can provide the children with enough emotional warmth. It doesn't help that I am awkward around other people and when I know I am being watched its hard to act natural, and I didn't get on very well with my social worker (I met my new one at the core group a few days ago, hopefully things will be better). Also the only people from the core group who see me with the kids (who are not the baby), except for the social worker are in very brief situations, like in the waiting room at CAMHS, dropping off and picking them up at school sometimes, or the occasional visit when the kids are in the home.

How can I prove to everyone that I am emotionally warm when there is not much opportunity to see it? What exactly are they looking for, and how do I show them it?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Beth,

The social workers assessment of your parenting capacity includes looking at emotional warmth as well as other aspects of parenting.

Sometimes, a parent might struggle to offer emotional warmth for many different reasons. As this appears to have been identified as a possible issue, the the social worker should assess to see if this is the case and then consider what support you might need to help you in this aspect of your relationship with your children.

Does children services have a copy of the assessment report setting out your diagnosis? It might set out in more detail the effect of your diagnosis on you and that could help identify the types of support that you might need to help you parent, if support is needed.

The social worker should take into account the diagnosis you have when assessing you so that she is fair. Will she be consulting a specialist in autism?

I suggest you speak to the new social worker about the assessment. She should set out what is expected and how she will be assessing you. How many meetings between you and her are expected? When will she be observing you and your children together? Will this happen at different times of the day and in different settings?
Who else is providing evidence in relation to your parenting?
Emotional warmth can include providing children with warmth and affection lots of cuddles, lots of praise and encouragement, someone being there to provide comfort if your child is scared and upset.

If you have not done so already you could contact the National Autistic Society for more information about your diagnosis and how it might affect your parenting capacity. They might advise about course or support that is available in your area that you could access.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[Bee*]

Havent met my new social worker yet, was told at the last core group that this week, my former social worker and the new one will be coming over so I can officially meet the new one in a more friendly setting than in a meeting. I wish they could either give me a date or just turn up now because I am getting impatient. I want to get this over and done with, meet the new social worker and never have to see the old one again.

No, as far as I know, they have never seen the copy of the assessment from when I got my diagnosis. I think I still have it somewhere, in the box in my wardrobe where I keep all my important things. Maybe I should show them it?

The previous one never consulted any specialists on how to work with someone who is autistic, but her lack of understanding of me is a major reason why I requested a replacement. Her reports of my parenting seem somewhat biased, because the social worker we had at first, who moved away, said the complete opposite in her reports. She had no concerns about me being able to meet the children's needs by the last conference before she left, we are only still on a child protection plan because they hadn't completed their assessments on the oldest child, and were not sure whether he posed a risk to himself or anyone else, so just over half of the people at the conference voted on keeping us on.

I will speak to my new social worker about all this sort of thing, because I really want her to understand me and I want to know exactly what is expected from me.

My last one visited once every 2 weeks, usually right after I get home from picking the kids up from school. She has only ever showed up at any other time once, at 11am during the summer holidays...with the one before that it was always right after I got home from picking the kids up too. Interaction with the children has only been observed by the social workers in the home, and occasionally at their dad's house, except for one day when I couldn't find anyone to look after the baby and he ended up sitting on my lap with a few toy cars during the core group.

The only other evidence about my parenting came from a parenting assessment done at the beginning of it all. It was carried out by the family support worker. The report about it was mostly positive. Then on occasion other members of the core group have seen me with the kids, but that isn't very often and usually isn't for long....but on rare occasions with people I am comfortable enough to be natural with, its been reported that I am warm with the kids. Its only rare people see that though.

Im making it my mission to make sure the new social worker likes me, with the last one, I didn't like her, and she knew it and it was always tense between us, but with the one before we got on better and she would see me be more natural, and her reports were more positive because she saw me act naturally.