Hi,
I really would appreciate some advice. Both my children are on Child Protection Plans following an Initial Child Protection Conference in August. One of the safeguarding measures that we have taken as a family is to separate: I look after the eldest child and my husband looks after the youngest. My eldest child has ASD and significant mental health difficulties. My youngest has an anxiety disorder. My husband has ASD and mental health difficulties himself and extra support was given to him and my youngest son to help them cope. Yet, apart from two sessions of outreach a week (in which outreach workers try to take my youngest out for a couple of hours), my husband and son are together 24/7. My youngest cannot attend school due to his anxiety and has not successfully attended his home tuition (which started last week)
So, my husband has been struggling. My youngest son can exhibit some challenging behaviour (usually very controlling) and once or twice my husband has admitted hitting him (not hard, just a tap). The Family Intervention Team worker has also been present when my youngest son has been throwing objects (including a metal weight bar) at my husband. The lead social worker was present when my son was swearing at my husband and my husband was shouting back that he did not want to look after him. My husband has also left numerous messages with the CAMHS team saying that he does not wish to look after my youngest and that he feels bullied by my youngest.
In my opinion, my husband has not been given enough help with my youngest, and caring responsibilities and homelessness mean I cannot offer my youngest refuge nor can I offer my husband respite. My eldest needs 1:1 supervision.
Now a consultant psychiatrist has written to the lead social worker's manager expressing concern about my youngest child and recommending 'further action possibly fostering' for my youngest. I feel really, really trapped. I want to look after both my children (they are 14 and 16) but they cannot live together and I have nowhere to house them (my eldest and I lodge with my sister and they have banned my youngest from their house (for personal reasons)). I keep thinking about the poor boy and how, now, when he needs me most, I cannot help him.
Can anyone advise me what to do in this situation? How much contact could I have if my son was fostered? Could I ask for the fostering arrangement to stop if the situation changes e.g. I get a house and the safeguarding issues between the boys are rectified?
I just feel so impotent.
What can I do?
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: What can I do?
Dear Har1her1
I am sorry that you feel so impotent at the moment. You are clearly thinking through all the options that are available for your family but for safeguarding reasons your sons cannot be parented together.
Housing
Not only that you are currently homeless and relying on your sisters goodwill. Have you looked at all your housing options? The boys social worker may be able to refer you for support from your local authority housing department. The children act also stipulates that children services should work cooperatively with other local authority departments such as housing.
You could also contact Shelter for advice. What does the child protection plan say about your housing situation?
Fostering
A psychiatrist has suggested that children services consider your youngest son being fostered. You want to know the implications. Do you know whether this option is being considered?
Your 14 year old son can only become fostered either:
• if you (or dad if he has parental responsibility) agree (known as accommodation or section 20 Children Act),
• If you did not agree, children services would need to apply for a court order such as a care order, interim care order or emergency protection order which would give the local authority parental responsibility to take your son into foster care. You would be entitled to free legal aid and so have the benefit of legal advice from a solicitor who specialises in children law.
To find a solicitor look at the [url http://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/ =] Law Society-find a solicitor [/url]. Have a look at our
advice sheet about care proceedings .
When a child comes into the care system children services have to consider placing in the following order:
• With parents or others with parental responsibility if they are considered suitable after an assessment
• if not, they must place the child in the most appropriate placement available. This is:
a. with a relative, friend or other person connected with the child who is also LA foster carer; or
b. with another unrelated foster carer; or
c. in a children’s home.
So family need to be considered before stranger foster care.
Is there anyone in your family or friend network who could safely look after your son if he went into care?
Your son has specific health needs-his anxiety. You would want to be sure that any foster carer was trained and experienced to meet your sons needs.
Contact
If your son was to go into care, you should be served with a care plan which sets out how your sons needs will be met. This will include education, health and also contact with you and dad.
If you agree to accommodation, children services are under a duty to promote contact between your son and you unless it is not in his best interests.
See our advice sheet about contact when children are accommodated .
The law is different when a child comes into care under a court order. A child has a right to have reasonable contact with his parents. This can be suspended for 7 days or can be changed by a court order. See our advice sheet about Contact with children in care.
A child’s care plan is reviewed regularly at a review meeting which is chaired by an independent reviewing officer.
Our advice sheet about Duties to children in the care system sets out what happens at a review.
If you were considering agreeing to accommodation then it is important to have discussions about how much contact will take place? Who with? Whether it will be supervised? The amount of contact might change at different stages. So for example, there may be less at first to allow a child to settle with foster carers.
I have given you a lot of information. Please post back if you have any questions. Remember that you do have parental responsibility so need to be consulted at every step. Have confidence as you can clearly consider all the difficulties that are being thrown your way.
Consider what the professionals say but also take advice from a solicitor if you need to.
You can also call our advice line for in depth advice and support.
Best wishes,
Suzie
I am sorry that you feel so impotent at the moment. You are clearly thinking through all the options that are available for your family but for safeguarding reasons your sons cannot be parented together.
Housing
Not only that you are currently homeless and relying on your sisters goodwill. Have you looked at all your housing options? The boys social worker may be able to refer you for support from your local authority housing department. The children act also stipulates that children services should work cooperatively with other local authority departments such as housing.
You could also contact Shelter for advice. What does the child protection plan say about your housing situation?
Fostering
A psychiatrist has suggested that children services consider your youngest son being fostered. You want to know the implications. Do you know whether this option is being considered?
Your 14 year old son can only become fostered either:
• if you (or dad if he has parental responsibility) agree (known as accommodation or section 20 Children Act),
• If you did not agree, children services would need to apply for a court order such as a care order, interim care order or emergency protection order which would give the local authority parental responsibility to take your son into foster care. You would be entitled to free legal aid and so have the benefit of legal advice from a solicitor who specialises in children law.
To find a solicitor look at the [url http://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/ =] Law Society-find a solicitor [/url]. Have a look at our
advice sheet about care proceedings .
When a child comes into the care system children services have to consider placing in the following order:
• With parents or others with parental responsibility if they are considered suitable after an assessment
• if not, they must place the child in the most appropriate placement available. This is:
a. with a relative, friend or other person connected with the child who is also LA foster carer; or
b. with another unrelated foster carer; or
c. in a children’s home.
So family need to be considered before stranger foster care.
Is there anyone in your family or friend network who could safely look after your son if he went into care?
Your son has specific health needs-his anxiety. You would want to be sure that any foster carer was trained and experienced to meet your sons needs.
Contact
If your son was to go into care, you should be served with a care plan which sets out how your sons needs will be met. This will include education, health and also contact with you and dad.
If you agree to accommodation, children services are under a duty to promote contact between your son and you unless it is not in his best interests.
See our advice sheet about contact when children are accommodated .
The law is different when a child comes into care under a court order. A child has a right to have reasonable contact with his parents. This can be suspended for 7 days or can be changed by a court order. See our advice sheet about Contact with children in care.
A child’s care plan is reviewed regularly at a review meeting which is chaired by an independent reviewing officer.
Our advice sheet about Duties to children in the care system sets out what happens at a review.
If you were considering agreeing to accommodation then it is important to have discussions about how much contact will take place? Who with? Whether it will be supervised? The amount of contact might change at different stages. So for example, there may be less at first to allow a child to settle with foster carers.
I have given you a lot of information. Please post back if you have any questions. Remember that you do have parental responsibility so need to be consulted at every step. Have confidence as you can clearly consider all the difficulties that are being thrown your way.
Consider what the professionals say but also take advice from a solicitor if you need to.
You can also call our advice line for in depth advice and support.
Best wishes,
Suzie
Who is online
In total there are 2 users online :: 1 registered, 0 hidden and 1 guest (based on users active over the past 2 minutes)
Most users ever online was 37 on Wed Jun 17, 2026 3:50 pm