Enquiry!

[mummycazzie89]

I'm enquiring for a worried friend of mine as she's in a bit of a state and doesn't know where to turn. Her and her partner (ex) we're involved in an incident the start of this year. He was charged with assault. He received probation,a fine and community service but received no restrictions in regards to access to the children, and entering her home (unless she was OK with it). Everything was going well then he moved back in, now she's worried again as he's becoming aggressive (as far as I'm aware only verbally), he's emotionally blackmailing her stating that he'll leave when she puts him on the birth certificate. She's threatened to phone the police but doesn't follow through as she's worries about social services becoming involved. They didn't get involved after the incident, and she didn't mention if they had it on record or not? I suggested that she phone social services herself explain the situation and they'd provide her with the help she needs, but her fear of losing her children seems to be clouding her judgement in regards to it. She's realised what a terrible mistake she's made she is scared to get help incase it goes against her but obviously doesn't want to be in this situation for her children's sake either. What should she do?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear mummycazzie89

Thank you for your post and a formal Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie online Adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that your friend has found herself in a difficult and scary position at the moment with her ex-partner.

You say that he assaulted her previously and was convicted. If this was in the last 2 years, then she could seek advice from a solicitor about getting a non-molestation order against him to prevent any further domestic abuse. As a result of the assault, she is likely to be eligible for legal aid. This way she will be protecting herself and her children.

It would be surprising that Children Services (social services) were not aware of the previous assault as the police would make a referral if there is domestic violence and there are children in the family. This may be the reason you friend is worried about involving them now. If they were involved they may not have taken any further action as the perpetrator was out of the property. However, Children Services, would be concerned if he moved back into your friend’s home.

If children services were never involved and she makes contact now seeking support it is possible that they will carry out an assessment to see if the children have suffered harm or at risk of harm in the future. They may suggest that she has no further contact with her ex-partner in order to safeguard the children. Due to the past violence, Children Services might want to carry out a risk assessment of the father to see whether contact would be in the children’s interests.

Children Services are there to provide help and support to keep children living with their family in a safe environment. I am sending a copy of our advice sheet on family support which might assist your friend in making a decision.

Domestic abuse whether there is physical violence or not is taken very seriously by Children Services because of the detrimental effect research has shown it has on children’s emotional wellbeing. This is whether the children see the abuse or not.

Regarding the ex-partner’s name being put on the child’s birth certificate, this is because it will give him shared parental responsibility. This request suggests that your friend has a new baby. Or is it the case that he wishes an older child to be re-registered with his name included on the birth certificate. Parental responsibility is the legal concept which gives a person responsibilities and duties towards a minor child. As they are not married to each other only your friend has parental responsibility at the moment. He might see having parental responsibility as giving him more control. A copy of our advice sheet about parental responsibility is attached for information.

Your friend could also contact Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247 who can help and support her in getting the non- molestation order and an order for him to leave the property as well. Their website is here . Rights of Women would also be able to help and their contact number is 020 7251 6577 and the website . If the court makes the non-molestation order it would be a criminal offence if he breaches the order and make contact with her. A copy of the order would normally be sent by the solicitor to the police so they would be aware of it and would arrest him if they are told he has breached it.

It is very important that your friend take decisive action as doing nothing may lead to the situation getting worse and then matters being taken out of her hands where Children Services are concerned. She should understand that if the children are of school or nursery age and mention a lot of arguments at home, this could lead to a referral being made to Children Services.

Your friend might wish to speak to an adviser and she can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[mummycazzie89]

Dear mummycazzie89

Thank you for your post and a formal Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie online Adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that your friend has found herself in a difficult and scary position at the moment with her ex-partner.

You say that he assaulted her previously and was convicted. If this was in the last 2 years, then she could seek advice from a solicitor about getting a non-molestation order against him to prevent any further domestic abuse. As a result of the assault, she is likely to be eligible for legal aid. This way she will be protecting herself and her children.

It would be surprising that Children Services (social services) were not aware of the previous assault as the police would make a referral if there is domestic violence and there are children in the family. This may be the reason you friend is worried about involving them now. If they were involved they may not have taken any further action as the perpetrator was out of the property. However, Children Services, would be concerned if he moved back into your friend’s home.

If children services were never involved and she makes contact now seeking support it is possible that they will carry out an assessment to see if the children have suffered harm or at risk of harm in the future. They may suggest that she has no further contact with her ex-partner in order to safeguard the children. Due to the past violence, Children Services might want to carry out a risk assessment of the father to see whether contact would be in the children’s interests.

Children Services are there to provide help and support to keep children living with their family in a safe environment. I am sending a copy of our advice sheet on family support which might assist your friend in making a decision.

Domestic abuse whether there is physical violence or not is taken very seriously by Children Services because of the detrimental effect research has shown it has on children’s emotional wellbeing. This is whether the children see the abuse or not.

Regarding the ex-partner’s name being put on the child’s birth certificate, this is because it will give him shared parental responsibility. This request suggests that your friend has a new baby. Or is it the case that he wishes an older child to be re-registered with his name included on the birth certificate. Parental responsibility is the legal concept which gives a person responsibilities and duties towards a minor child. As they are not married to each other only your friend has parental responsibility at the moment. He might see having parental responsibility as giving him more control. A copy of our advice sheet about parental responsibility is attached for information.

Your friend could also contact Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247 who can help and support her in getting the non- molestation order and an order for him to leave the property as well. Their website is here . Rights of Women would also be able to help and their contact number is 020 7251 6577 and the website . If the court makes the non-molestation order it would be a criminal offence if he breaches the order and make contact with her. A copy of the order would normally be sent by the solicitor to the police so they would be aware of it and would arrest him if they are told he has breached it.

It is very important that your friend take decisive action as doing nothing may lead to the situation getting worse and then matters being taken out of her hands where Children Services are concerned. She should understand that if the children are of school or nursery age and mention a lot of arguments at home, this could lead to a referral being made to Children Services.

Your friend might wish to speak to an adviser and she can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

Thank you for the reply, I've passed on the relevant information and I believe she is going to speak to a support worker in regards to the situation at hand. Her main concern is the safety of the children but obviously concerned she may lose them due to allowing him to enter their lives again. I believe that he wasn't present at the time of her registering the birth of his child, as he didn't want involvement on the basis he denied paternity, after her purchasing a home DNA test he then became involved. His requesting to be on the birth is I think to certify control, and I think it would personally put her and her child at risk if he was to gain parental responsibility but again if he pursues this matter through court then I don't think she'll be able to stop this. I think the non molestation order would probably be the best thing for her right now, I presume social services would be notified as soon as this was put in place/getting processed

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Mummycazzie89,

I just wanted to come back on your question about when children services will be notified.

I would have expected the police to have automatically notified children services when they were originally called by your friend.

Usually, professionals will discuss any referral to children services with parents before going ahead with a referral. The exception to this is where a professional thinks the risk of harm to a child will be created or any risk of harm will increase, if the parent is told about the referral.

I would not expect the court services to notify children services when she seeks a non- molestation order.

But taking this protective action would be seen as a positive factor in any assessment of risk by children services.

You could also encourage your friend to speak to an adviser from women’s aid about any other support that she might be able to access in the area that she lives. Taking these steps can be difficult and dangerous. Separating from an abusive partner can raise the risks to both her and her children.
Please post back if you have any questions.

Best wishes,

Suzie